Twenty-six
“WHY THE HELL don’t you have your cell phone turned on?”
Outside Wrigley Field, J.D. stormed over to the will-call booth where Tyler waited, too angry to bother with a greeting.
Tyler didn’t appear to notice the frustration in J.D.’s voice. He pulled out his phone and looked at it matter-of-factly.
“Would you look at that—the battery’s dead. I must’ve forgot to charge it. Oh, well.”
J.D. could’ve strangled him. Three weeks ago, Tyler had suggested they catch a game the night before the partnership decision, as a distraction. At the time it had seemed like a great idea. But now, after everything that had just happened with Payton, baseball was the last thing on his mind.
“ ‘Oh, well?’ ” he said. “I’ve been trying to call you for the past hour.”
“Sorry.” Tyler cocked his head. “What’d you want?”
“To tell you that I wasn’t going to make it tonight.”
“You came here to tell me you’re not coming?” Tyler asked.
“Yes,” J.D. said, exasperated.
“But if you’re not coming . . . then how are you here? Wait—is this a time-travel kind of thing? If so, you’ve got to tell me how that works, because I would really love to go back to Saturday night and tell myself not to bring home Ms. Looney Tunes, because that girl has—”
“Screw this.” J.D. whirled around, cutting Tyler off. “I should’ve let you sit out here all night waiting.” He began walking back to his car. Normally, he could take all the shit Tyler wanted to dish out. But not tonight.
“Hey, J.D.—come on,” Tyler said, following him. “I’m just messing with you. Hold up a second.”
J.D. slowed down, then finally turned around.
Tyler saw the look on his face. “What happened?”
J.D. looked up at the sky, shaking his head. He still couldn’t believe it himself.
Seeing his reaction, Tyler took a guess. “The firm. They told you their decision,” he said in a somber tone.
J.D. laughed bitterly. “I wish that was it.” He was struck by his choice of words. That was quite a statement to make.
Tyler seemed less surprised. He stepped over and put his hand on J.D.’s shoulder. “So, then. Do you want to tell me what happened with Payton?”
J.D. didn’t know where to start. He ran his hand through his hair. “I . . . wow, I totally f*cked it up.”
Tyler nodded. “I’ll tell you what—we’re both here, and I’ve already got the tickets. Let’s go inside, have a beer, and you can tell me everything.”
J.D. knew that Tyler had sprung for club box seats, just five rows back from the dugout, and felt bad letting his friend’s money go to waste. Plus, the part about the beer didn’t sound like a bad idea. He was going to need something alcoholic—probably several somethings alcoholic, in fact—just to get through this conversation.
“Okay,” he agreed. He followed Tyler inside the stadium.
STAYING TURNED OUT to be a surprisingly good idea.
It was easier for J.D. to talk while pretending to keep an eye on the game. Discussing his emotions wasn’t exactly something that came naturally for him, and the game gave him the opportunity to look away from Tyler during certain key parts of the conversation.
He told his friend about the weekend in Palm Beach, about Paytons’s hesitations concerning the partnership decision, and what she had said to him in the parking garage just a couple of hours ago.
Which then brought him to the conversation Payton had overheard between him and Ben, and more important, to the lie he had told Ben several years ago.
It was here that J.D. stopped. As much as he might’ve wanted to gloss over that particular part of the story, he knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Tyler, who had been relatively quiet up until this point, ran his hand over his mouth, and then exhaled loudly. “J.D. . . . that’s pretty bad.”
“I know.”
“How did Payton react when you admitted what you’d told Ben?”
“Not well.” J.D. peered over at Tyler. “She wanted to know why. So I told her that I’m an a*shole.”
“I’m guessing that didn’t go over any better.”
“No, it did not.”
Tyler looked at J.D. expectantly. “So? Are you at least going to tell me the truth?”
J.D. took a moment, then looked back toward the game. “It was a few years ago, at the firm holiday party. Payton had brought a date, some writer she’d met at the gym or something, and they were standing at the bar getting a drink. And I remember, as I watched her . . . I guess it was the way she smiled at the guy. The way she laughed at something he said. It made me think, it made me wonder what it would be like to . . .” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, Ben caught me staring at her, and he cornered me the next day at the office and made some jokes about it. I panicked, thinking he might say something in front of Payton, so I made up a story that I thought would get him off my back. A story that would . . . make things seem like less than they were.”
“Make things seem like less than what?”
J.D. paused. Then he slowly looked over and stared Tyler straight in the eyes. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.
“For how long?” Tyler asked, shocked.
J.D. considered this. “About eight years now, I guess.”
“You’re kidding me.” Tyler’s expression was one of disbelief. “All this time.”
“Pretty much, yes.”
“This whole entire time.”
“What do you need to know, like, the exact moment?” J.D. asked.
“Well, now that you mentioned it, I am kind of curious. Wait, let me guess—from the first moment you met her,” Tyler joked.
“Actually, no, smart-ass.” J.D. paused. “It was the second moment.” I guess you’ll have to find out for yourself, J. D. Jameson. Yep—he had spent years trying to deny it, even to himself, but that sly little look of hers had pretty much done him in for good.
Tyler laughed. “No offense, J.D., but isn’t that a little deep for you?”
“I’ve managed to remain remarkably shallow in pretty much all other aspects of my life. I figure it balances out.”
Tyler nodded. “Good point.”
The crowd around them suddenly roared and things turned ugly as people began booing the umpire. For a few minutes, J.D. and Tyler were distracted, swept up in the game. Then the fans quieted down, satisfied that their indignation had been properly expressed, and everyone went back to their beers, hot dogs, and peanuts. They were Cubs fans—they got over disappointment quickly.
Tyler and J.D. ordered another round of beers from a vendor passing by. After they shuffled their money down the row, and the beers made their way back, Tyler settled into his seat.
“You have to tell her, you know.”
“I knew you were going to say that,” J.D. said. “I don’t think she’ll care. You didn’t see the look on her face as she walked away.”
“But before that, she came after you to tell you she wanted to be with you. There’s hope in that.”
J.D. took a sip of his beer. “Even if she could forgive me for the thing I told Ben, I think she’s right. At the very least, it’s going to be awkward between us after the firm’s decision. And there will be tension, lots of it. Maybe even resentment.” He switched his beer back and forth between his hands. “I don’t want to start something with her that’s destined to fail. That would be worse than not being with her at all, I think.”
Tyler shifted in his seat. “Have you considered . . .” he trailed off, uncertain whether he should even suggest such an idea.
“Yes.” J.D. had already considered the possibility, even though he couldn’t say it out loud. He raked his fingers through his hair. “I, uh . . . whew.” He took a deep breath. “I really don’t know that I could do that. Maybe if I knew it would make a difference. Maybe.”
“There’s no way of knowing that, J.D.”
“I’ve grasped that, yes.”
Tyler grabbed J.D.’s shoulder. “I wish there was more I could say, buddy. But I think you’re just going to have to ask yourself what you’re willing to risk for a chance to be with her. That’s really what it boils down to, isn’t it?”
J.D. took a moment to consider his friend’s words. “It’s not just the job, you know,” he finally said. “I’d like to at least walk out of there tomorrow with my pride. I’m not exactly good at putting myself out there.”
Tyler laughed. “You don’t say?”
“Do you have any advice that’s actually constructive? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy trite commentary and rhetorical questions as much as the next guy, but can you at least throw me a bone with something helpful?”
Tyler turned serious. “Listen—I can’t give you any advice on what to do about the thing you don’t know if you can do. Only you can make that decision. But in terms of whether you should put yourself out there, I’ll tell you this: If I was Payton, and I had overheard what you’d said to Ben, I wouldn’t even have bothered to give you the opportunity to explain yourself. I would’ve pulled out my white glove and slapped you across the face and walked away.”
“I just want to clarify—in this scenario, are we also in a Bugs Bunny cartoon?”
“It’s a metaphor, J.D.”
“I would guess so.”
“Fine, I’ll be more blunt: You don’t like to put yourself out there? Well, too bad. F*ck your pride—it’s the only chance you’ve got.”
“You’re asking me to sacrifice the two things that have probably most defined my entire adult life,” J.D. said.
“I’m not asking you to do anything,” Tyler told him. “I’m just telling you what I think has to happen if you want any chance of making things work with her.”
J.D. nodded and fell quiet. There really wasn’t anything else to say on the subject.
Like it or not, he knew Tyler was right.