Playing Patience

Twenty-Six



Patience



Three days later, my mother was buried at a private burial. Sydney stood beside me and held my hand as we watched them lower her pretty pink coffin into the ground. I felt numb inside. I couldn’t cry even though the tears were choking me. Her death was expected, but I’d hoped she would die warm in bed at home.

As for my father, I ordered that he be cremated and his ashes spread over the Atlantic. He didn’t deserve that much, but since the news stations were making a big deal out of everything, I figured it would draw more attention if I didn’t do at least that. Had it not been for the reporters, I would’ve left his ass on ice in the morgue.

They both had life insurance on them, but I couldn’t touch it until I was twenty-one. My Aunt Sarah in Florida had custody over Sydney and even though I called her and begged her to let Sydney stay with me, she refused and I had to pack my sister up and send her to Florida. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I’d spent years protecting her and there I was, sending her off to live with a stranger.

I promised her once all was settled with our parents’ possessions and properties, I’d move to Florida, too, and I would. I wanted to get the hell out of this town and leave everything behind, everything including Zeke.

I couldn’t get past that fact that he’d allowed my mother to take the blame for my father’s murder. I couldn’t let it go that he was the reason she died in the back of an ambulance and that Sydney and I didn’t get to say a proper good-bye. I loved him, but I hated him for doing that to me.

He called continuously and texted constantly until finally I had my number changed. I didn’t want to hear his voice. I didn’t want to talk to him. I just wanted everything to go away.

I was now able to drive the gray Toyota, so I drove over to Megan’s to tell her good-bye before I left for Florida.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she said as she hugged me tightly.

I told her the truth about everything. I wasn’t worried about her telling people. She agreed that my father deserved what he got, but what she didn’t agree with was my decision to leave Zeke.

“He’s a mess, Pay. At least he was the last time I saw him. Me and Chet called it quits,” she said sadly.

I pulled her into a hug.

“Oh my God, Megan, I’m so sorry. I’ve been an awful friend, but I’ve just had so much going on.”

I felt horrible for not being there for her, but with everything that happened, I barely had time to think about myself, much less anyone else.

“Girl, please.” She swatted at me and rolled her eyes. “With everything you’ve had going on; the last thing you needed to worry about was my stupid love affairs.”

We cried when it was time for me to leave and we promised to stay in touch through phone calls and texts. She even promised to come down to Florida for a week or two during the summer.

An hour later, I was on the road and on my way to my new life. Florida wasn’t much different from South Carolina. It was hotter and the houses were flatter, but not much different.

My sister ran into my arms when I got out of my car. I’d never been happier to see her sweet face. My life was wreck and she was the only person I really had left. My aunt welcomed me with open arms and I promised to start a job or school as soon as I got settled.

It was exactly two days later that I started missing Zeke like crazy. The effects of my mother’s death and the drama were starting to wear off and I was realizing I needed him more than I thought. I missed his voice, his smile, everything about him, and being so far away from him only made it worse.

I got up the nerve to call his cell, but it was disconnected. I thought that was strange and I was starting to freak out a bit. What had I done? Yes, I was in the middle of distraught moment, but I pushed away the only man I’d ever loved, a man who was willing to serve life in prison for me.

Suddenly, what my mother did made sense. I could see it from her point of view. Why let your daughter or the man your daughter loved serve jail time over something that was well deserved? She knew her time was coming to end and she knew we had long lives ahead of us.

I called Megan in a panic.

“Hey, Pay!” she sang into the phone.

“I’m trying to contact Zeke, but his phone’s been disconnected. Do you know how I can reach him? Maybe you could call Chet and get his new number?”

She was silent on the other end and I heard her take a deep breath. Every bad thought I could think of ran through my mind. What if something happened to him? I couldn’t handle losing another person that I loved. I wanted Zeke and I wanted him here in Florida with me.

“Pay, I don’t know how to tell you this, but literally the day after you left the big news was that Blow Hole got picked up by a label out of California.”

I felt happiness fill me. Zeke was probably ecstatic and I hated I wasn’t there to celebrate this milestone with him.

“That’s great, Megan! I bet they’re happy. Why would you be afraid to tell me that?”

Again, she was silent on the other end.

“Well, because he’s gone, Pay, all of them are. They hauled ass to California.”

The floor shifted beneath my feet. Zeke was thousands of miles away instead of hundreds, and his loss was sinking in and leaving me in a state of distress.

I didn’t even remember hanging up with Megan. Zeke was gone, off living his dream, and I’d probably never hear from him again. The only real connection he had in South Carolina was his father and they didn’t even talk anymore. I had no way of getting a message to him. He ran away to California thinking I hated him. He was there surrounded by bleach-blonde California bimbos and knowing him, he was probably taking out his heartache and anger on one of them in the form of rough sex at that very moment.

The weeks flew by from that point on. I lived my life in a never-ending state of depression. My sister and aunt commented on my behavior, but I couldn’t help it. He was gone and I couldn’t find a way to reach him.

I got a shitty job at a restaurant close to my aunt’s house and since school was out, Sydney spent most of her time with Aunt Sarah at the beach. Every day was the same. Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, but no matter what I was doing, I thought about Zeke.

Between the depression and not playing sports anymore, I gained five pounds and my jeans started to get snug. I’m sure it had more to do with the ice cream I used to soothe my pain, but at least it was better than drugs and alcohol.

My high school diploma was forwarded to me a few days after that and I was happy to have it, but I was thinking college would definitely have to wait. I didn’t want to think about school or sports. I just wanted to wallow in my crappy life.

Months went by and while I was starting to feel more alive, I was still followed around by the black cloud of sadness. It was made worse the day I heard Blow Hole’s first song on the radio. The guitar stuck out to me more than Finn’s loud voice. Damn, I missed Zeke.

Six months later, Sydney was comfortable in seventh grade at her new school and I was working double shifts at the restaurant. My aunt received money to care for Sydney, so some money was there, but somehow working made things better, kept my mind occupied.

I was at work when I overheard some girls at a table talking about the rock festival that was coming to Orlando. She threw out the names of the different bands that were coming.

I was wiping down a table that just left without a tip and my hand paused when I heard her say the name Blow Hole. I left the table and rudely interrupted their conversation.

“Excuse me, did you just say Blow Hole was going to be at some rock festival?”

The girls looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, but love made you do crazy things.

“Uh, yeah, it’s this weekend. The tickets are still for sale I think.”

I didn’t even listen to the rest. I turned and went for my purse. I told Gladys, the lady who owned the place, that I had a family emergency and then I drove home as quickly as possible so I could get on my aunt’s computer.

I Googled rock festivals in Orlando and, sure enough, it was there. I bought a ticket to Orlando Rockfest with plans of hopefully seeing Zeke. For the first time in months, I felt like I had something to look forward to. I felt happy. I just hoped it wasn’t too late and I really hoped he wasn’t seeing someone new and had forgotten about me.

Since I was going to Rockfest alone, I waited until later in the afternoon when Blow Hole was planning to go out. My fair skin and the Florida sun didn’t like each other very much. I’d already suffered four bad burns since I moved there.

When I got there, the band before Blow Hole was still playing. I stopped by a drink stand and grabbed a bottle of water and then pushed my way through the crowd with hopes of getting as close as possible to the stage. I could only hope he’d be able to spot me in the large crowd and I prayed if he did spot me, he wasn’t so upset with me that he’d ignore me.

When he and boys came out on stage, the night sky lit up with lights and the girls went crazy. It was then that noticed all the “I’m a freak for Zeke!” T-shirts the girls wore. I wasn’t afraid to admit that I was totally jealous.

Once they started playing, it was near impossible to get to the stage. Girls swarmed and a mosh pit formed right in the front center. No matter how bad I tried, I couldn’t squeeze myself through. Finally, I gave up. If this was going to be the last time I ever got to see him, then I wanted to actually see him.

The entire time so far I’d spent trying to move closer and I had yet to just stop and look at him. I missed him so much and I had no pictures of him. I was starting to forget what he looked like.

I took in his dark jeans and ripped T-shirt. His midnight bangs hung down into his face as usual and the light kept catching his facial piercings and making him shine. He was gorgeous. He was everything I ever wanted and I’d pushed him away and ran from everything he stood for.

I smiled when I saw he was still using the guitar I got him and I smiled even wider when I was able to see a tiny spot on his forearm from far away that I knew was my snowflake, but the longer I stood there, the more I realized that what I was trying to do was impossible. I should’ve been smart and came earlier. I should’ve braved the hot Florida sun for Zeke. At least that way I would’ve been guaranteed a front spot and could’ve got his attention.

Their last song was playing about the time I felt myself start to tear up. I’d failed and it was so hard to see him so close yet so far away. He was right there, yet I couldn’t touch him.

When their set was over, they said their goodnights and left the stage. Watching him walk away was so hard. Knowing I’d lost my chance was even harder. I turned to leave in hopes of getting out before the swarms of people headed to the parking lot.

This whole thing was a bad idea. If anything, I was leaving feeling worse than I did before, but I had to at least try. Zeke had been responsible for putting me back together and now I was more broken than I was when I first met him. I didn’t need him to live, but he sure as hell made me feel alive.

It was pitch black outside once I was far enough away from the show. People sprinkled the parking lot. A girl was throwing up next to her car and it made my stomach turn.

I passed by a bunch of buses and I thought maybe I could catch him on the way back to his bus, but there were so many people already lined up there, so I didn’t even bother. I was exhausted and ready to just go home.

I was walking back to my car when suddenly someone stepped out of the shadows and pulled me into the darkness between two buses. They shoved their hand over my mouth and pressed me up against the back of a bus. It was so dark I couldn’t see anything.

The person holding me pressed their large body against mine and softly pushed a lock of hair out of my face before running a hot finger down my cheek. Warm, minty breath struck my lips as he moved his face close to mine and nuzzled my chin.

Great, I was being raped by a romantic. Then I heard a familiar deep chuckle and I felt happiness bloom throughout my entire body.

“Damn, snowflake, if you get any hotter you’ll melt.”

And then his hand was gone and his lips were on mine.