Perfect Fit (Serendipity's Finest)

Sixteen



Since his father’s announcement, Mike was off kilter and completely thrown. In another life, he’d have had one foot out of town, but he had enough sense of responsibility to know he had things to wrap up here. And he had a woman he cared deeply for—maybe even loved—who deserved more than for him to pack up and leave without telling her.

It was Wednesday and Joe’s Bar hadn’t yet started hopping when Mike and Sam met up for chicken wings. Off duty, Sam decided to call friends to join them later on, and Alexa, Erin, Dare, and Liza and whoever else in Sam’s crowd decided to show. Mike already knew Cara would be there, since she’d mentioned it when he’d seen her on Monday. He hadn’t spoken to her since.

He hadn’t picked up the phone.

Instead he’d spent the last two days alone with his thoughts and the occasional shot of whiskey for good measure. Not that he’d gotten far in his thinking, hence this sit-down with Sam.

Mike and his brother talked about family stuff for a while before Sam studied Mike through narrowed eyes. “What gives?” he asked at last. “You look like you’re jumping out of your skin.”

Mike rolled his shoulders, but it did little to alleviate the stress.

“Last week you were mellow. Less antsy. What changed?”

Mike leaned in closer. “Dad’s thinking of retiring. He wants to recommend that I replace him permanently.”

Sam’s eyes opened wide. “No shit?”

Mike gestured to Joe for a shot of whiskey. He wasn’t on duty and he didn’t want to think. “Wish I were kidding, little brother.”

“What’s Cara say about this?”

Mike narrowed his gaze. “She doesn’t know.”

Joe placed his drink on the counter and strode away, giving them privacy once more.

“Don’t you think she’d want to know?” Sam asked. He tipped his beer bottle to his lips.

“Do not open your mouth,” Mike warned his sibling. “You’re the one always saying that you don’t want her hurt. So let me handle this in my own way.”

“Explain.”

Mike rubbed the cold glass between his palms. “Every time I think about staying for good, my insides twist into painful knots. It’s not something I ever considered. She knows it. Once I tell her all this…things will blow up fast. I need to find the right time and place.”

Sam’s expression showed his disappointment. “And here I thought that you’d been looking pretty settled and happy these last weeks.”

So had he. “As soon as Dad asked me to stay, it was like a noose wrapped around my neck.”

“Don’t you think maybe it’s time to grow up?” Sam asked.

“Go to hell,” Mike muttered, grinding his teeth at his brother’s inability to understand. “Look at my history. I move through life quickly, no time to think too hard or focus too much because any time I did, it felt like I was suffocating.”

“Didn’t look like it last week,” Sam muttered. “Or the week before that.”

His parents had said something similar, but neither of them could possibly comprehend the choking feeling he experienced at the very thought of a commitment like that.

Mike shifted in frustration and decided to dig into his past for examples. “When I was here before, starting out and then again in Atlantic City, walking the beat made me crazy. I couldn’t do what you do every day without going insane. When my superior got me the shot to do undercover in Manhattan, he did it because he knew I needed the excitement. The adrenaline rush.”

Sam expelled a long breath. “Okay, so you aren’t getting that rush in meetings. But do you still need it? Really? Or do you get it from other things in your life? Other people?” Sam leaned in closer. “One woman in particular?”

“I. Don’t. Know.” And that was the crux of the problem. Mike expected to need the variety and the constant thrill. Expected it, but as he thought about his brother’s question, Mike could admit that lately, no, he hadn’t missed the adrenaline rush.

“What about women?” Sam asked. “Since Tiffany, you’ve kept them all at a distance, right?”

“Yeah. No promises, no desire to make any. It worked for me.” He drew a deep breath. “Then Dad got sick and asked me to come home.”

“And you came back to Cara,” his brother said, looking at him with that all-knowing gaze he’d perfected as an interrogator.

Cara did it well too. Mike saw detective in their futures and felt a sudden pang of disappointment that he wouldn’t be the one to promote them.

“Cara’s…different,” Mike admitted. “Every time I’m with her, she unsettles me.”

“And it’s a beautiful thing to see,” Sam said with a shake of his head and loud laughter.

Unsettled was an understatement, Mike thought, remembering how Cara had shaken up his well-ordered life. She still did. Each time he made love to her—and he’d long since stopped trying to convince himself it was just sex—was a huge damned emotional reveal.

But Mike wasn’t going there in detail with Sam. Bad enough he sat here unloading his feelings like some damned girl. Because it was like Cara had unraveled him, piece by piece, leaving him at his most vulnerable, raw and exposed.

A place he’d never been. A feeling he’d never expected to have in this lifetime. And one, combined with the pressure in his career, that had him wanting to run.

“Don’t you get it?” Mike asked his brother. “If I say I’ll stay and I can’t back it up with action, it’ll destroy her.”

Sam let out a low whistle. “I’ll be damned,” he muttered, speaking low. “You love her.”

Mike met his brother’s gaze and didn’t answer. He couldn’t. It was one thing for Mike to think it, another for Sam to say it out loud, he thought, his brother adding to the panic his father had recently instilled.

“She know?” Sam asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Hell, I barely know how I feel,” he gritted out, wondering how much more he could have thrown at him in a short time.

Mike looked down and realized he was flexing and unflexing his hand into a tight fist. The one thing Mike did know was that he’d always been up front with her. If he left, at least he’d know he’d never led her on.

“You two look awfully tense,” Erin said, suddenly beside them. She wrapped an arm around each brother’s shoulder. “Need me to referee?”

Mike forced himself to exhale and release the tension he was holding—or at least attempt to. It was hard enough to talk to Sam. He wasn’t ready to get into it again with his sister.

“We’re just catching up. Nothing serious. We’re finished now.”

“Sure, I miss all the good stuff,” she said, sounding like she did when they were younger.

Mike managed a laugh. He reached into his pocket for cash, tossed money on the bar for his tab, and rose to his feet. “I have to go take care of a few things,” he told his siblings.

He needed to leave here before Cara showed up. She was too in tune to him and would read things in his expression he wasn’t ready for her to see.

Sam eyed him with concern. “Don’t go off half-cocked and do something stupid.”

Mike shook his head. “I’m just going to wrap up a few things,” he assured him.

Sam muttered a curse but let him go.

Mike climbed into his truck and headed to a Holiday Inn just over the border in a neighboring town. He’d put out some feelers and discovered Rex was staying there.

For the life of him, Mike didn’t know why the man was hanging around and decided he needed a nudge to point him in the direction he needed to go. Nervous but refusing to let it show, Mike walked up the stairs to the third floor, needing to cloak himself in his righteous anger before facing the man.

He knocked twice and waited.

Finally, the door swung open and Mike found himself facing Rex. “Got a minute?” Mike asked by way of hello.

“Come on in.” Rex waved a hand.

Mike passed by and walked into the room. Rex, he noticed, was living out of a suitcase, his clothes strewn all over. The one thing that was in order was the makeshift bar the older man had set up on the counter.

“Whiskey?” Rex asked.

“Why not,” Mike said.

Rex poured them both a glass and handed one to Mike. “To us. Father and son.” Rex raised his drink.

Disgust rose in Mike’s throat. “What world do you live in? There is no us. No father and son. And let’s be honest, you don’t want that anyway.” Mike paced the small hotel room, feeling claustrophobic being enclosed with Rex. “You didn’t want a son when you had the chance. You didn’t want me in the almost thirty years that passed since.”

Rex watched and listened in silence.

And when Rex remained quiet, Mike continued. “What I couldn’t figure out, at least at first, was what you wanted. I mean, yeah, you contacted Ella on Facebook, but that was just a rush, right? To see if you could still get her to jump at your charm?”

Rex folded his arms across his chest. “Go on. I’m really enjoying your attempt at analyzing your old man,” he said with a smirk on his face and a sneer in his tone.

“Then I showed up. That must’ve played into your hand, getting your son to come looking for you, at least until you realized I was digging into the past.”

Rex shook his head. “What makes you think I had any kind of agenda?”

“Simple. You’re a narcissist, Rex. It’s all about you. Ella responded to you, I came to you, and you showed up back in Serendipity—not because Simon had cancer, but because you expected to be welcomed with open arms. And when you weren’t? Instead of leaving like a man, you set out to cause as much trouble for Simon as you could.”

“He deserved it. He drove me out of my own hometown—”

“Bailed you out, you stupid bastard,” Mike reminded him. “And he took a risk doing it. Hell, he married your woman, he raised your son—he took on all of the burden and responsibility you couldn’t face. And how do you repay him after all this time? You threaten to expose him and ruin his reputation in his hometown.”

Rex’s once-amiable expression changed to a nasty, evil frown. “He turned you against me.”

As Mike had thought, it was all about Rex. “You did that all on your own. I’m here to make you a deal, just like Simon did all those years ago. Leave town and don’t come back.”

Rex took a step forward. “Or what?”

Mike had this covered. “Or you’ll find that no place and nobody in town wants anything to do with you. There will be no business that’ll welcome you, no old friends that will be happy to see you. You’re a man who needs the world to love him, people to dance to his tune, a three-ring circus to surround him with attention. You won’t find it here.”

“You son of a bitch,” Rex said, his eyes darkening with anger.

“It takes one to know one,” Mike said, placing his still-full glass on the desk with a loud thunk.

As he walked out, he realized he felt nothing for the man glaring at him from across the room except pity and contempt.

Off duty and alone, Cara was surprised to find herself standing outside her mother’s apartment. She’d sat across the way, watching the entrance, waiting for her father to leave. There was an off-track betting site located farther downtown, and Cara knew the old man liked to hang out there. Along with his other out-of-work friends, he could be counted on to spend a good couple of hours there. Cara banked on it as she sneaked into the side entrance of the apartment building and walked up the stairs to see her mother.

A long time had passed since Cara felt the need for her mother. She was surprised she felt it now. But Cara hadn’t seen or heard from Mike since work on Monday. He hadn’t called her. He hadn’t stopped by. And he hadn’t been in to the station, at least not when she’d been there. She felt his absence in the deepest places inside her, and it hurt.

Along with the emptiness came the desire to talk to her mom. To feel her arms around her and get her advice—no matter how Cara felt about Natalie Hartley’s choices, she was her mother. And Cara needed her more than ever.

Cara wasn’t disappointed. Her mother greeted her with a surprised cry and open arms.

“I waited until Dad left. Nobody saw me come in,” Cara said.

Her mother nodded. “He should be gone for a while.”

“Good.”

“Come sit.” Her mother grasped Cara’s hand and led her to the same sofa that had been here when Cara was a child, a blue velvet, with faded marks and worn patches.

Much like Natalie, who had once been a beautiful woman, with dark hair like Cara’s, and blue eyes, vibrant and full of life, until her husband had beaten her down.

And there was nothing Cara could have done to prevent it. “I’m sorry,” Cara whispered. “For not visiting, for cutting you out of my life.”

Her mother nodded through tears. “Don’t be silly. You have every right to be disappointed in me.”

“Not disappointed, exactly. I just wanted you to leave him.”

“Oh, honey.” Her mother smoothed her hand down Cara’s hair, just as she used to do when Cara was a child. “I can’t go anywhere. I chose my life. He’d just find me and make things more difficult after. I’m used to how things are. And it’s not that bad most of the time.”

Cara couldn’t meet her mother’s gaze and pretend her words were okay. Life was supposed to be so much more than not that bad most of the time, she thought, as her tears leaked down her cheeks.

Her mother handed her a tissue from a box on the side table, and they both wiped their eyes.

“Don’t cry for me,” her mother said. “Just don’t make the same mistakes.”

Cara opened her mouth to speak, but her mom shook her head. “No. I need to say this. My mistake was in not trusting my gut from the beginning. For going back each time your father promised to never yell or hit me again.”

This was the first time Natalie had ever spoken about her life, and Cara listened, wide-eyed and stunned, as her mother admitted things they’d only hidden or pretended didn’t exist before.

Her mother sighed. “I wanted so badly to believe him that I closed my eyes to the truth because it would have been so much harder to leave and start over, alone with a child.” Her mother’s shoulders shook, her eyes damp, but she held Cara’s gaze.

“Mom—”

“No, honey. Keep listening. If this is the only chance I get to tell you this, you need to hear me. When you meet a man, don’t listen to what he says. Judge him by his actions, past and present. People can change, but they have to prove it to you. Words are just that.” Her mother leaned in and kissed Cara’s cheek.

“Oh, Mom. There is a man,” Cara said through her tears. She told her mother all about Mike, from their one-night stand to the agreed-upon affair with No hearts involved. “I knew the score going in, and I tried so hard not to fall in love.” But she had, and now she felt his absence even though he was still in Serendipity.

Her mother listened, nodded, and finally held out her arms so Cara could get the much-needed hug and support she’d come for. She wasn’t overreacting, either. She could handle his not calling without working herself into a snit, even if he’d promised, knowing he was busy with his life and his job. But he hadn’t shown up at Joe’s on Wednesday night as they’d agreed, nor had he reached out. At all. Cara didn’t appreciate taking the brunt of whatever was bothering him, nor would she let him push her away without an explanation. She had more self-esteem than that, she thought, glancing at her mother, who was the polar opposite. Still, if Cara felt his absence this much now, she couldn’t imagine the pain she’d feel when he was finally gone.

Too soon, their time together ended. Cara sensed her mother getting antsy and worried, glancing at the clock, worried her husband would return and find them together.

“I’ll go before…” Cara didn’t want to cause her mother any trouble.

“I love you,” her mother said. “And when you’re ready to see me again, I’m here. And if not, I understand that too.”

So accepting, Cara thought, sadly. Even of the way Cara had decided that she wouldn’t enable her mother’s dysfunction. What a crock, she realized now. She hadn’t abandoned Daniella or the shelter women, had she? Just her own mother, because deep down, Cara was too afraid of turning into her.

No more, Cara thought. Her mother needed her as much as Cara needed her mom. “I’ll stay in touch,” she promised. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.” Her mother’s eyes were brighter as they said their good-byes.

Cara sneaked back out of the building, relieved to have her mother back in her life. Ironic, that the return of one relationship came as she lost another. And Cara didn’t kid herself that Mike was slipping away.

This weekend was Annie and Joe’s wedding. Somehow Cara would get through that day surrounded by family and friends. Then she’d call Mike out on his behavior. It was one thing to have a casual affair, another to withdraw completely at his own whim, she thought, her mother’s advice fresh in her mind.

Judge a man by his actions.

And Mike’s withdrawal, coupled with Simon’s remission and the fact that he’d obviously be returning to work, told Cara everything she needed to know.

Mike’s time in Serendipity—and with her—was over.

A Saturday morning meeting with the mayor and then Mike was off to Joe and Annie’s wedding. Thank God this past week was almost over. Two more hurdles to get through and then he was gone.

Mike’s chest hurt, and he didn’t know if it was from the stress of his unresolved family issues, the decision his father was still pressuring him to make, or the fact that he’d basically driven Cara away.

After going silent for four days, he’d texted her Thursday night—Busy with work. Pick you up at 11 AM for wedding—since they’d agreed to go together. He got a curt answer back. Don’t bother. I’ve made other arrangements. He’d winced even though he deserved it.

Then, last night, while lifting weights at the Y, he’d made the decision to head home after the weekend. He’d called his father and put Simon off, telling him that he couldn’t make the decision about the job immediately. He just wasn’t ready. Simon pretended to understand, but Mike knew from his subdued tone that he really didn’t.

Which was why he needed space from everything and everyone. Once he returned to New York, he’d breathe deep, stand back, and see what it was he really wanted out of life. He couldn’t figure that out with pressure at every turn. And though Cara hadn’t pressured him—hell, if he didn’t call her, she certainly hadn’t called him—he felt the weight of responsibility sitting on his chest.

He cared for her more than he’d ever cared for any woman before. He couldn’t imagine his life without her bright smile and smart mouth, but he couldn’t come to her free and clear of baggage and fear. And she deserved more than that. She deserved a full commitment and Mike couldn’t manage one. The only thing he could say in his defense was that he’d never led her on or promised her anything more than what they shared.

So why did he feel lower than pond scum now?

Because he’d hurt her and he’d rather shoot himself with his own gun than cause her pain.

And after the wedding, Mike knew he’d be doing just that.

Joe and Annie’s wedding ceremony brought tears to Cara’s eyes. She sat in an aisle seat, Alexa on her left, giving Cara a prime view of the beautiful bride as she walked by in a spectacular ivory-colored, body-fitting dress. The color had been chosen in respect for the fact that this was her second marriage, and yet Annie’s first husband, Nash, sat with his new wife, Kelly, in the third row. Annie and Kelly had a unique friendship, but both women agreed that making Kelly a bridesmaid would have been a touch awkward. In true Annie form, her blond ringlets hadn’t been tamed—because as she’d told Cara at the coffee shop, Joe loved her wild hair. Her eyes sparkled with happiness, as did the groom’s; he waited impatiently in a dark suit and tie at the end of the aisle.

Everything about the wedding, from Annie’s father walking her down the aisle to the man of her dreams waiting for her at the other end, hit Cara with an emotional pang, reminding her of all she’d never have. Not with Mike, who’d spoiled her for any other man, of that she was certain.

When the couple promised to love and cherish each other, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in joy and in sorrow, for as long as they both shall live, Cara nearly fell apart. Only Alexa’s strong kick to Cara’s ankle, which gave her something else to focus on, prevented her from hiccupping and bawling out loud.

“Ouch!” Cara hissed.

Alexa smiled. “That’s what friends are for,” she whispered back.

Mike sat two rows behind her, Sam and Erin on either side. She’d caught a glimpse of them as she walked in, forced a smile at her friends, and done her best not to meet Mike’s gaze. They’d talk later, she was sure, but all her concentration had been on getting through the ceremony. Whatever he had to say didn’t matter. She was finished with the kind of relationship he was willing to give.

She loved him. She knew it. Had known it for a while, even if she’d never allowed the word to surface in her brain. But between the visit to her mother and Annie getting a second chance at real happiness, Cara realized that as much as she loved Mike, she had been settling for whatever crumbs he’d been willing to give. Granted, until the last week they’d been spectacular crumbs, but mere morsels nonetheless.

Too soon, the ceremony ended and the crowd dispersed to…where else? Joe’s. Despite her mood, Cara couldn’t help but enjoy the celebration, which consisted of toasts, some roasting of the groom by his best friends, and a lot of dancing. Through it all, Cara felt the heat of Mike’s gaze on her skin. The red dress she’d bought under duress seemed to impress him, if the sizzling look in his eyes was any indication. But he didn’t approach her to dance, and talking would have been impossible anyway. The music was too loud, the people too packed and crushed together.

The bride and groom fed each other cake, Joe seductively pulled off the garter, and soon the single women were gathered for the bouquet toss. If asked, Cara couldn’t say how it had happened, but somehow, Annie tossed the flowers and Tess, who hadn’t yet turned sixteen, ended up in possession of the bouquet.

Ethan, Nash, and Dare looked ready to throttle their bratty sister, but Annie, being Annie, couldn’t stop her good-natured laugh, which calmed the brothers down.

The men gathered next for the garter throw, but Cara couldn’t bring herself to watch. Instead, she tapped Alexa on the shoulder and asked her friend to say good-bye to the couple for her. She’d had enough happiness shoved at her for the day, and her feet ached like crazy. She’d long since pulled off her high heels, and she held the stilettos in her hand as she made her way to the door. She’d put them on at the exit before she had to head outside.

Reaching the door, she leaned against the wall and was in the process of shoving her hurting feet back into their torture chambers when she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

“Can we talk?” Mike asked.

She turned and looked into his somber brown eyes, and her stomach plummeted toward the floor. She might have been preparing herself to end things with him herself, but his bleak expression told her not to bother. He’d have been doing it anyway.

That quickly, whatever hope lingered from the bubble of happiness she’d let herself live in finally popped, leaving her with the painful reality that was her life. And reality, Cara thought, really sucked.

Cara followed Mike to his apartment, promising herself their talk would be quick and she’d be on her way back to her apartment in no time. Alone.

“Let’s sit,” Mike said, gesturing toward the couch.

Cara lowered herself onto the sofa. Her new position gave her a perfect view of the bedroom corner of the apartment, where a suitcase sat open on the bed.

Her stomach cramped but she said nothing. He’d asked to talk, and she’d let him begin. She’d focus on getting through this without falling apart.

He settled in beside her, careful not to touch her. The cool distance between them was reminiscent of the early days when he’d come back to Serendipity, and her heart hurt at the distance between them. For all they’d had and suddenly lost.

She couldn’t help it. She had to ask. “What happened?” Last time she’d seen him, he’d kissed her in his office, told her he needed her after everything that had gone on within his family. Next thing she knew…dead silence.

“Simon’s retiring,” Mike said.

Of everything, she hadn’t expected that.

“And he asked me to take the job. For good.”

She blinked. “That must have thrown you. When did he tell you this?”

He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “Saturday afternoon.”

With his answer, a yawning, cavernous pit opened inside her. “And that’s why I haven’t heard from you.”

He had the good grace to at least look embarrassed.

Cara sighed. “I take it you turned him down?”

“I told him I’d think about it.” He shrugged out of his suit jacket and laid it over a chair, then undid his tie so it hung loose around his neck. His top button followed, leaving him with an extremely sexy, rumpled look that tugged at her heart.

Hardening herself toward him was hard, but she couldn’t afford to feel bad because he looked so torn. “Why didn’t you just tell him the truth? That you don’t want to stay here? You never wanted to be here in the first place.”

“Because I don’t know if that’s true!” He spun away and walked to the window.

She’d never seen Mike look so torn, so unsure. Unable to help herself, she rose and joined him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You told me yourself, you were here while Simon needed you. He’s in remission. He’s retiring. You can go back to the life you love and leave this small town and all of us behind. Like before.”

Cara was proud that her voice didn’t crack.

“I didn’t count on you,” he said quietly.

“What?”

He placed a hand on hers and turned. “You heard me. I didn’t count on you. And when I tell you I’m not sure what I want to do, I mean it. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

His hands slipped to her waist, burning her with his touch. “Yes, you can,” Cara told him. “Or that suitcase wouldn’t be packed.” She stepped out of reach, knowing she was close to shattering.

“I just need time,” he said, his voice pleading with her to understand.

“You’ve been nothing but honest with me, so let’s not start sugarcoating things now. Actions speak louder than words, but together? They send a potent message.” Her shoulders shook, but she continued. “You’re leaving just like you always said you would. This was short term and I knew it. Shame on me for falling harder and hoping for more.” She turned away, unable to believe she’d admitted her feelings. “Take care,” she said, almost running for the door.

“Cara, wait.”

She paused without turning to face him.

“I’m suffocating. I just need time and space to sort things out.”

She shook her head. “If you needed time, I’d have given it to you. All you had to do was ask. Instead you did what you always do—you packed up and you ran.”

She wasn’t just referring to his going back to New York, but to his disappearing act this past week. He wasn’t dumb enough not to know what she meant.

“Bye, Mike.” It took everything she had, but Cara walked out the door without looking back.