Clearly this whole no strings attached sex thing was a lot less awkward when you were falling down drunk. Or maybe it was just as awkward and I thankfully couldn’t remember any of it. I didn’t know what to say. Sure I had initiated this, but now that Garrett and I were heading to my apartment I felt like a tool.
I didn’t do casual sex. Every time I had been intimate with someone (not counting the guy who would be jumping into my hotbox in a matter of minutes) I had been in love, or at the very least, committed to them. It wasn’t in my psyche to be able to handle a quick round of wam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.
Case in point, the utter shitfest I had created after sleeping with Garrett the first time. So why, do you ask, was I allowing myself to slide vagina first back into another emotional landslide? Oh because I had somehow morphed into an absolute idiot. I was now a chick obsessesed with her own destruction apparently.
Because that was what the Garrett Bellows sexcipades promised.
My ruin.
Was I being overly dramatic? Perhaps. But there was something in the way I felt with Garrett that took me out of my comfort zone and thrust me, without preamble, into the cold, hard world of lust and want. I had never been ruled by my hormones.
I wasn’t a girl who made life decision based on what was going on between her legs. But Garrett made all sense of logic take a flying leap out the window. Or maybe it was the person I had slowly been turning into since Damien had dumped me. I felt a change at a molecular level that was both unsettling and exciting.
Garrett parked in front of my apartment building and shut off the engine. He looked over at me and I was thankful I couldn’t see his face in the dark. I was already humiliated with the way I had suggested this whole thing.
“You sure?” he asked me. This was my moment. My chance to back out and return to the place where our one time indiscretion had been a fluke. Because if we did this, it changed things. I couldn’t go back to pretending I had made a choice based on alcohol and the need for a rebound.
Because tonight, I was stone cold sober. And while I still felt the aftermath of my heartache, this would be no rebound bang.
This time I would be dancing the horizontal mambo because I wanted to and for no other reason. Because I was attracted to my complete antithesis. The guy who up until a month ago, I wanted nothing to do with but now had slithered his way under my skin. He was like a freaking parasite, sucking away everything but the desire to get him naked.
Could I flip my world on its axis like that? Was I ready for the fallout?
I opened the passenger door. “Come on,” I said shortly, getting out. I headed up the stairs, not waiting to see if he was following me. Because I knew he was. And it had nothing to do with confidence or being self-assured. Nope, it had everything to do with basic chemistry and knowing despite everything, Garrett and I had that in spades.
Stupid chemistry. It had always been my least favorite subject.
Maysie’s ex-whatever, Eli Bray, was sitting outside his cousin Randall’s apartment as I headed down the hallway. He raised his hand in greeting and then he looked behind me at the person who was obviously following me.
Eli looked at me again and opened his mouth to speak. “Say a word and I will staple your mouth shut,” I warned, causing him to close his lips. I didn’t need any of his bullshit right now. I didn’t like him; I didn’t want to talk to him. I just wanted to get into my apartment and get my freak on before I chickened out.
I stopped in front of my door and fumbled with my keys. Garrett’s hand came into my field of vision and took them from my trembling hand and slowly put the key in the lock. He pushed against the door, opening it. His front pressed against my back and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.