chapter twenty-seven, Saturday:2ndnovember2013, underground
I of course sleep outside.
Daniel and I zip our sleeping bags together and make a little nest inside the cave, but I can’t relax, even with him sleeping beside me, through the nervous chatting inside my head enough to shut my eyes, so sleeping is out of the question. I'm running Liza's dressage test over and over, it still makes no sense to me, and its intricate moves do nothing to calm my nerves. Left, right, what's all that about? Frustrated with myself but there’s nothing I can do about it despite some exercises Dr Shrink taught me, I grab a spare blanket from our bags and head outside where my head instantly quietens.
My headphones go on, and I crank up the volume to very, very loud, scare the wildlife in the process, and settle down to a peaceful night of Slipknot. Which dear reader, just demonstrates how much my brain hurts with its growling. But those s&m gimp masked musicians do the trick, such great chaps, thank you, and to Joey the drummer especially.
The dawn is close by and the sky is awash with pinks and oranges, the colours bleeding into each other, when I look carefully I can still see the dying pinpricks of light from the sky full of stars we sat and gazed at last night. A 'V' shape formation of large birds flies overhead. It smells different here too, dry and dusty, with a hint of sage from the herbs growing wild everywhere. A hare grazes in the warm mist that lies hovering above the ground, yes mornings, I love them. I take a long lungful, add some dried branches to the glowing dying embers of our fire and it springs to life. I have some tea from the flask, it tastes flasky but it’s still tea and my head is satisfied and the throbbing that has built up there begins to dissipate. I wrap myself in the itchy wool blanket, it's quite cold now, prop myself up against the hard rock and fall instantly asleep. Just like at Pony Club camp. But without the ponies of course.
Daniel wakes me with a kiss, “you sleep out here all night?” He asks kindly grinning.
“Napped would be a better description.” I offer in a mumble of drowsiness.
“Tea?” He smiles, a huge smile, I feel safe with him.
My smile must light his world, because I get a wink in return. “Amazingly intuitive,” I offer getting to my feet, “always you offer me just what I need whenever I need it.” I route around my pack for my toothbrush and wet-wipes, “I like that.” I say looking directly at him.
“I know.” he smiles again. “Teeth cleaning?”
“Can't consider another move without it, routine remember, can't break the routine.” I want to put my headphones on just thinking about it. “Clean teeth, dress, feed cats, feed horses, shower, dress self.” I tick the tasks off on my fingers one by one. “Why am I like this?” I ask. Can I blame Mum? Kidding, I’m a grown up.
“Speaking personally,” he leans over and kisses my forehead, “I love it that you’re like this.”
Smiling from ear to ear, making myself believe Daniel just told me he loves me, I take a bottle of water and clean my teeth, feeling instantly better in the process, yes, it's all about the processes. Everyone is up now, dressed and ready to go. Stan is of course checking his equipment. Nigel is cleaning his glasses. Liza is retying her hair. Daniel is taming his floppy hair. I’m sipping tea, and Kurt. He just sits and grins at Liza. We sit around the blazing fire that I have built, and I cook a planned massive breakfast for everyone to keep up our strength. Using a little camping pan we have scrambled eggs, fried new potatoes, cooked tomatoes and mushrooms, with toast cooked on the fire on a makeshift grille spliced together from branches, the trick is not to burn the grille! I have made fresh tea and we all groan in pleasure at the real thing, my brain quietens, but it's still worried about that cave.
MC collected trot, did I ride that already? Bloody hell.
“That was delicious Tharie,” exclaims the Professor, “just what an explorer needs to start the day.”
“Big change from Uni then,” adds Liza, “she couldn’t boil an egg!” She laughs teasingly.
“Comes of living by yourself,” I laugh, “you have to learn or starve...or eat hay of course!” I respond with a little sadness at missing my creatures. “Of course I’m not really alone at all, I have the boys and the cats...” I add, sipping my tea thankfully.
“And me.” Daniel speaks just to me but we all hear. “You have me now too.” He smiles at me warmly, “but I’m not eating hay!” Everyone laughs and I join in, am I missing something?
“I guess I’ll let you know how this first date turns out then?” I offer flirtily.
“I’ll make certain to get a good report.” he winks at me.
Kurt slaps Daniel on the back, I’m cross to think it's a 'score' congratulations, but Daniel and Kurt exchange glances like finally Daniel might be able to have a normal relationship and life. Now I’m cross with myself but I conclude it's my head picking a fight with itself just to avoid thinking about plunging into a deep dark abyss of the unknown. Without being able to see the sky and taste fresh air, I do like fresh air. I take another deep cleansing breath. Daniel helps clear up our things, and we neatly store some equipment in a backpack that we don't think we'll use again and leave it by the entrance of the cave, we'll collect it on our way out later.
“Everyone OK? Then listen up people,” Stan sounds very efficient, “it's quarter past seven in the morning, we're going into the cave to see if we can answer some of the questions that have been asked of Daniel all his life.” Daniel looks at Kurt for a clue to his take on all this, but Kurt has other things on his mind, “we'll take it slowly.” Daniel frowns at his Brothers’ play antics at Stan's warning directed at him alone. “And safely.” Kurt answers with an innocent shrug. “We'll stay together, no heroics Kurt.”
Kurt fakes a hurt look and carries on telling Liza about his days’ spelunking. She looks very impressed. Bless. “If you ask people who actually go caving, spelunking is the derogatory term for stupid or unprepared cave trips.” Daniel reminds him, “Which is exactly what we're going to do now.” He continues repacking his backpack after sorting through for things he might not need, but, like me, he decides he needs everything and packs it all back exactly as before in order of likely need: flask of tea and torch at the top, everything else underneath.
“The origin of the word "spelunk" is the sound a clumsy caver makes when he slips and falls in a cave and lands in water on his arse”! Kurt tells Liza proudly, she thinks that’s hilarious, naturally, and swings her ponytail for him in encouragement.
Need more tea, right f*cking now.
“Actually,” the professor joins in in his lecturing tone which demands everyone’s full attention; “the term spelunk derives from the Latin ‘spelunca’ and Greek ‘spelunks’ meaning 'a cave.'” He continues pushing his spectacles back up his nose, “I used to do it in my 30's, looking for answers in the rocks in Alabama.” He removes his glasses and cleans them on a soft cloth, “actually, the USA is where the word spelunking is used.” He checks the surface of the lenses against the light, “in England we say potholing.” He concludes. But what is it called when you do it in Peru? That's what I want to know. Well used to his lecturing, he is a mine of information and we enjoy listening.
Now, where’s that tea?
My phone vibrates, I welcome any distraction for the conversation that throws my nerves in disarray, potholing for heaven’s sake! It's from Jinni
JG: “'Boys and cats fine, wet and chilly here, hope you’re having a great trip.” all I need to hear, now I’m happy.
TC: “Thanks love Tx”
I have a missed calls from Pete and a few texts too:
PF: “'Where in the f*cking world are you now? Blimey, that's nice...
PF: “Hello!” That’s nicer.
PF: “James has asked me to spend the weekend with him again: I keep telling him no, but don't mean it, at his family home, his Mum is with her sister in Florida and won’t be back for a month!!!” That’s a big step I’ll agree, but I can hardly judge can I?
PF: “I need you!!! What should I tell him?” Do it do it do it, I smile at my good advice even though I hadn’t given it.
TC: “He said he wanted to take you away, Pete” true story.
PF: “Oh, there you are” think she’s cross?
TC: “There’s a problem with signal here” a perfectly sensible and partly true explanation.
PF: “Well?” Oh, the boy question, delay, it’s more fun that way.
TC: “Only a GPS knows where I f*cking am, and I’ve got to work.” bloody hell, underground.
PF: “And?” It's obvious isn't it?
TC: “Screw the man, and see what happens. The men in that family are sound, trust me, I’ve met most of them now. See you in a few days, love Tx” she'll have a great time.
PF: “I planned to anyway xxx” good girl.
“Problems?” Daniel asks me. Noticing my concentration on my phone. Was my tongue hanging out again? Bloody hell.
“Tell me about James, Daniel” I ask him, worried about some stupid advice I just gave Pete, “apparently they’re about to board a plane for a trip!” Pete can take care of herself, I decide to stop worrying, for now.
“Jim is a dick!” Shouts Kurt from behind me routing about in his pack, “he screws anything that walks, he spends his cash like a teenager, He drives way too fast, and listens to pop music for heaven’s sake!” I am forced to agree those are damning words, pop music, maybe there's a cure?
Daniel rolls his eyes at Kurt’s assessment of the man. “But apart from that,” he speaks calmly noticing my concern about my friend,“ our Brother is a great chap, he races powerboats, and runs a fund in the city, though none of us actually know what that means, but he makes a shit load of money of his own.” I raise my eyebrows, sounds like a match in heaven for Pete, he won’t have screwed anyone quite like her before she's been gay since school, so it'll all be new. For both of them.
“Your friend Patricia…I mean Pete?” Asks Daniel
“You know?” I question, is there anything about me he doesn’t know? “You've known all along and said nothing, Pete is my friend Daniel, she...she’s not like other girls.” I imply there’s more to the story with a furtive look but he misinterprets the tone, assumes I’m being coy and says: “neither are you Tharie.” Taking my chin and tipping my face up to meet his gaze, “never met anyone quite like you before either.”
My head hurts with renewed chattering and I down the last dregs of tea before spinning the cup-lid back onto the top of my flask and stashing it, like Daniel, in the very top of my bag. Where I can gain quick and easy access to it at any-time I need to.
TC: “James is sound, do it” I am happy with this recommendation now.
PF: “I intend to” well done.
TC: “Would I have been able to change your mind to the contrary?” Knowing full well the answer.
PF: “Nope, and before you worry I already know what music he likes, you taught me to use my instincts, that’s what I do” good girl.
I stash my phone, glad for a momentary distraction, now I have to worry about this bloody cave. “I’m still not sure I can do this Daniel, I…” he takes my hand in his, grips me like he won’t ever let go, and leads me to the entrance.
“You can do it.” He tells me. We all gather, and Daniel and I are first through the entrance. Six powerful torches blaze in the darkness, illuminating shafts criss-cross in the gloom as we all look at our position. I point mine vertical to the ceiling, and some bounces back to earth giving a gentle eerie glow to the whole cave.
“It's enormous,” says Liza, “and the air feels so fresh.” I know she's saying that for my benefit, I’m lucky to have people who love me around during my inevitable freak out. I have to agree, and I’m almost certain I detect a very soft breeze coming at our faces as we stand there looking around.
“There's a gentle breeze in here Tharie,” says Stan with a concerned tone, “suggesting...?”
“Somewhere ahead of us there's an exit and air and daylight,” I finish, out of breath.
“Exactly, you'll be fine,” he smiles “if it gets hairy, we'll just come straight out again, OK?” He asks like my Dad would have. He's looking after me too. I feel a vibration in my pocket and pull out my phone, quite surprised I have a signal.
EC: “Hello, it’s your Mother here, does that mean anything to you?” Short exasperated breath, but actually I’m so happy to hear from her, she’s a connection to my real life, not this pulp novel I’m living in at the moment. Will I wake and discover it’s all a dream? I look over at Daniel, hope not.
TC: “ Hi Mum, very funny, I’m 40 miles outside Chachapoyas, look it up on your atlas, I’ll call you when I’m home in a few days” I am already planning cooking for her, she’d at least love the sentiment, maybe she’d be happy with a sandwich? Likely not.
EC: “Peru? Are you kidding me? You’ll do anything to avoid coming to visit me!” Didn’t I tell her where I was going? She never listens.
TC: “Mother!” Exasperating woman.
EC: “OK, have it your way, I’ll see you sometime, take care in Peru, hope you packed sun cream?” Always practical.
TC: “And tea bags” now I need tea.
EC: “Just like your Dad.” I miss him, I instinctively check my watch.
TC: “Love you” I mean it too.
“That’s my Mum calling” as if Stan deserved an explanation.
“No problem Tharie, she OK?”
My eye roll is understood by everyone with a Mother. “Yes, thank you Stan,”
“And will you be?” I think so.
“Yes, I think I will be.” And the voices are becoming quieter of course I don’t tell him that, no one knows about that except Dr Shrink, my headache is almost gone and I have a new feeling building inside me, excitement?
“There,” exclaims Professor Nigel, “the path worn in the rock ground leads this way.” He aims his torch and so do we all, except me, mine is still searching for more stalactites on the roof of the cavern, yep, 'tites' come down 'mites' go up, and marvel at their structure and sparkly surface texture it’s like Christmas. And now I'm wondering how a man with a Ph.D. Who’s middle name is Elvis becomes an archaeologist. Strange world.
“Come.” Daniel takes my hand, and forward we go.
“When can we stop for tea soon Daniel?” He rolls his eyes.
Bloody hell. I mean it too.