Out of the Depths

CHAPTER TEN

“THE KIDS’ CANS WERE EMPTY, but who in their right mind has a family portrait taken with everybody holding up cans of Skoal?” Kyndal threw up her hands in mock wonder.

Chance laughed, not only at the story, but at Kyndal’s animated way of telling it. She’d finally dropped her cool facade and relaxed into the Kyndal he remembered—the one who did everything with zeal.

What he hadn’t been able to reconcile in his mind was that, since college, the brilliant girl he’d known had already been involved in a scandal and was eeking out a living by taking family portraits at a Walmart wannabe. That bothered him more than a little.

“So, if you get this job, will you move back to Paducah?”

She smoothed a hand down her hair and leaned her head against the wall. “Yeah, or somewhere close.”

Kyndal…back in Paducah…unattached. That thought was disconcerting, considering the attraction between them. Any contact would have to be limited. Affiliation with her scandal would be all he needed to blow his political ambitions to Never Never Land. Paducahans wouldn’t take kindly to anyone who worked against the river industry.

Before he could delve too deeply into the matter, her stomach let out a roar that sounded as if an animal had them cornered.

“Sounds like somebody’s hungry.”

She pulled her pack into her lap. “You set up the house—” she nodded toward the T-shirt he’d taped across the doorway to hold in their body heat “—so I’ll cook. How do you like your granola bar?”

“I prefer sunny-side up, but since all we have is this flashlight, however you fix it is fine.” He moved to his knees

and stretched his arms over his head, brushing his fingertips on the ceiling.

While Kyndal fished around in her pack, she motioned again to the T. “That was a good idea. It’s actually pretty warm in here. Are you warm?”

He nodded.

She gave an impish grin. “Do you think it’ll keep the spiders out?”

“Damn it! Would you quit mentioning the freaking spiders? They’re not going to come this far.”

She gave a playful laugh and held out one of the granola bars to him. He reached for it, then hesitated and waved it off. “I’m really not very hungry yet,” he lied.

She saw through his charade and rolled her eyes. “This is no time to be gallant, Chance. With this ankle, you might have to carry me, so you need to keep up your strength. Here.” She brandished it toward him again, but he didn’t take it. She needed it more than he did, and if she got hungry enough, maybe he could talk her into eating it.

“If you’re not going to eat, neither am I.” Her lips pressed together in a firm line.

Damn her stubborn streak. He took the package from her with a disgruntled huff but held off tearing into it until she had hers open and had poured a few pieces into her hand.

His bar, too, had been crushed and was more of a granola pack. Luckily, the wrappers had held up even if the contents were battered. “I’m glad you brought these.” He tossed a few bits into his mouth. “I had a big bag of peanut M&M’s to share with you when we got back to the house. Too bad I didn’t put them in my pack.”

“Oooo, not sure I would’ve shared them, anyway.” She rolled her eyes dreamily. “Those are my favorite.”

“I know.” He smiled and gave her a playful wink.

She rolled her eyes again, this time in vexation. “You thought you could seduce me with chocolate?” She turned the bag up and released the last few morsels of oat-and-honey clusters into her mouth.

“Actually, I remembered how you always wanted candy…um, afterward.”

A flash of anger shot from her eyes. “Of all the nerve!” She wadded up the cellophane wrapper and launched it at his head. “You are the most single-minded, self-assured, hopeless egomaniac I’ve ever…ever been stuck in a cave with.” She shook her head. “You honestly thought I was going to sleep with you?”

“Not sure there was going to be much sleeping involved, but I thought we might have sex.”

“Augh!” She crossed her arm tightly across her chest, her back pressed against the wall.

“Oh, c’mon, Kyn. Don’t tell me it didn’t cross your mind. I felt that kiss out there.” He wiggled his finger between them. “We’ve got chemistry. We’ve always had chemistry.”

“Yeah, well, chemistry doesn’t heal broken hearts.” Heat emanated from her words as her voice became louder. “And you didn’t just break mine. You ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it.”

What had started as a little sparring was turning into a full-on argument, but that was okay. He was tired of tiptoeing around this issue—and damn tired of the guilt he’d carried for nine years.

“You don’t think it hurt me?” he rebutted. “It did! But it was the only way, Kyndal. Between you and Dad, I was suffocating! He was pushing and you were pulling…no, you weren’t just pulling, you were clinging…so…damn…tight. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to get away.” He stopped, aware he’d said too much, but letting the truth out had released a ten-ton weight from his chest.

“I’ve always believed—or at least I’ve always told myself—you broke up with me because of your dad. I was always a nobody to him. Never good enough for his son.” The clipped staccato of her words pushed him over the brink.

“Hell, I wasn’t even good enough for his son.” His angry words hit the close surrounding walls and bounced back at him. “My whole life, all his dreams were pinned on Hank, and that was okay. He pushed me, wanted me to excel, but the major attention went to Hank. And then after Hank died…” His throat constricted at the words. Damn it…damn it…damn it! Not now. He ran his hand down his face. He was exhausted from the stress of the day, nerves stretched to the breaking point. His emotions were too raw for this. But something snapped, and words poured out. “His drive for me doubled. No, it tripled…quadrupled. He and Mom fell apart. I became all he had.”

He paused, but Kyndal didn’t say anything. He fought to gain control of his words. He had to make her understand. “Dad didn’t think you were a nobody, Kyn. You scared him because you were my…my everything.

“Losing you on top of losing Hank was unbearable for a while. But I threw myself into my studies. I took all the time and energy I would’ve spent on you and used it to keep my grades up. And it worked. I kept a high ranking all the way through, which kept Dad satisfied. Every time he talked to me, he’d tell me he was counting on me to come back and practice law with him…that Hank would’ve wanted me to be there. He reminded me of my ambition to become a judge…and how proud Hank would’ve been of me.”

Emotions spent, Chance drew a long breath. Kyndal didn’t say anything, and he wondered if she would ever speak to him again now she knew the truth.

“Thanks for being honest with me,” she said at last, her voice tight with emotion. “I needed to know.” He watched her throat convulse as she swallowed. “And, like I said before, we’ve moved on. There’s no need to go back.”

* * *

KYNDAL HELD THE T-SHIRT UP as Chance crawled through the opening for the fourteenth time since they’d set up camp in the niche. She didn’t have to ask. She’d listened and had easily heard his long blows on the emergency whistle he kept in his pack.

There had been no answering shouts any of the previous thirteen times, and this one was no different.

It was almost ten o’clock. Rescue wasn’t going to come tonight. She was almost glad her stomach was near empty because it drew into a hard knot that would’ve forced any contents upward.

Chance gave a resigned shrug. “Nobody out there. I don’t think there’s much chance of anybody showing up tonight.” He rubbed his hands together, blowing on them. “Are you cold?”

“Not too.”

The earlier argument, his confession, her realization his life hadn’t been so easy… Those things had broken down some barrier between them and made the past few hours much more amiable. Kyndal had never had anybody around long enough to tell her what to do—listening to him gave her a new understanding of what life would be like with a father like Bill Brennan. No independence. Little privacy. Unbearable.

Chance picked up the deck of cards he’d produced from his backpack earlier along with a small wooden case of dominoes. The games had helped the hours pass.

“It’s probably safe now to get into a serious game of Strip Poker.”

She glared at him. “Don’t start with me again. No Strip Poker. No Strip Crazy Eights. No Strip Hearts or Strip Spades.”

His low chuckle mocked her outburst, which infuriated her even more. “You’re cute when you’re all huffy like that.” He scooted up beside her. “All joking aside, if we took off our clothes and cuddled, we’d probably stay warm. Your jeans would have to stay on, but we could use our shirts as blankets, and my jeans could be a pillow. You need some kind of cushion under your head, and we need to leave the packs under your foot.”

The thought of them even partially naked sent a heated flush through her body, but the idea of laying her head on the ground made her pause. The ibuprofen had helped the pain and the swelling of both her ankle and her head. Neither one throbbed much anymore, but both were sore.

“Or you could lay your head in my lap.”

“No, thanks. Too hard and lumpy. And no nudity.” She answered his smug grin with a sweet smile. “Here.” She pulled one of the packs from beneath her leg. “You can use this so you won’t think about putting your head in my lap.”

She was still all too aware the chemistry he spoke of was indeed there. The hours of close proximity had her wound so tight she would explode on contact if his warm breath so much as flickered against her skin.

“We need to get some rest.”

Hearing the weariness in his voice, she scooted down and lay back carefully, placing her arm behind her head.

Chance placed the flashlight between them. “Do you want this on or off?”

She didn’t expect to sleep a wink, but maybe he could get some rest if the area was dark. “Off,” she said.

He flipped the switch that plunged them into absolute darkness.

Kyndal swallowed the surge of panic that rose in her throat. It was so dark. So freaking dark. “Chance?”

“Yeah?” His breath touched her cheek, which told her he was lying on his side facing her.

“Would you think I was being too clingy if I asked you to hold my hand?”

She heard the scrape of the pack on the floor and felt his body slide even closer to her. She tensed. He raised her head gently, placing it in the nook of his shoulder. He rested the flashlight on her belly and covered it with her right hand. Drawing her close against him, he clasped her left hand, relaxing his arm across her middle.

The tension left her body. She felt safe in his comforting embrace.

* * *

KYNDAL’S ANSWERING MACHINE picked up for the third time in three hours. Jaci looked at her watch. Ten twenty-eight and still no Kyndal. “Should I be worried?”

“If I say no, will it make any difference?” Bart adjusted the pillows behind him and laid the book he’d been reading to the side.

“But she’s still not home.” She placed her cell phone into the cradle to charge. “And she needs to get a job that will let her afford a cell phone.”

“You’re not her mother, Eight Ball.”

His use of her old nickname lightened the mood, making her smile as she turned back to him. “Somebody’s gotta be.” She threw the covers back and climbed on top, straddling her husband. “You think she’s spending the night with him, don’t you?”

Bart nodded. “Yep.”

“That’s not good.”

His lips twitched, and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, I dunno about that. Things used to be pretty hot between them.”

“You know what I mean.” The past two days had been so frustrating, worrying about her best friend, which was nothing new. She pushed her bottom lip out in a pout. “Kyn’s finally put him behind her, and she and Rick finally have a date. Sleeping with Chance will mess everything up.” She locked her arms across her chest with a huff.

Bart pried her arms loose and interlocked his fingers with hers. “What happened to that everything-happens-for-a-reason philosophy you always pull on me?”

“I just can’t stand the thought of him hurting her again.”

“And you think that will happen if they do the nasty?” he growled, and proceeded to nibble on her knuckles.

The sensuous sound and actions made her lose her concentration for a moment. She poked his chest, causing him to groan in mock pain. “It won’t be the nasty for Kyndal. This is Chance, remember? For her it’ll be making love. You yourself told me he had political aspirations. They’re on opposite sides of the political fence.”

“True, but—and I say this with all the love and burning desire I feel for you—you need to back off and let Kyndal make her own decisions and quit feeling responsible for her. She’s a grown woman. She’ll figure it all out, and she’ll call you when she’s ready to talk.”

He tossed her off of him onto her back and stifled her response with a kiss. As soon as his lips left hers, he continued. “And, while we’re on the subject, I know you care about Julia, but you need to take care of the business, and let Stuart take care of his wife.”

She shuddered. “Stuart makes me uncomfortable.”

“All the more reason you need to stay out of their private affairs.” Bart kissed her and brushed the hair back from her face, the earnest look in his eyes melting her heart. “You try to mother everybody. Maybe it’s time we tried again.”

A lingering pain stabbed at her heart, the miscarriage five months ago still too fresh. “I’m not ready yet…” Her throat convulsed. “I may not ever be ready.”

She saw the disappointment in his eyes, but he covered it almost as quickly as it appeared. “Why, babe? Talk to me.”

It wasn’t just the pain of the loss that had been troubling her lately. “I’m afraid.”

Bart’s slightly crooked mouth tightened in concern, and blurred in her vision. “Of what? You’re okay, aren’t you?”

The panic in his voice spurred her. “I’m fine physically.” He brushed a tear from the corner of her eye, making her voice catch. “But if everything really happens for a reason, maybe the miscarriage happened—” her control broke, and she began to sob “—because I’m not meant to be a mom.”

Bart gathered her against his chest, letting her cry it out while he rubbed her back, waiting for the quiet after the storm. When her tears started to subside, he said gently, “If that’s true, babe, then it won’t happen, and if it happens, it was meant to be, right?”

“But what if it never happens, or what if I’m never ready? I know how much you want kids.”

“I want you, Jaci.” He kissed her forehead…her eyes…the tip of her nose. “I’ll take whatever life gives me as long as I have you.” He kissed her mouth softly.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in the feel of his lips. God, she loved this man. If only Kyndal, and Julia, and every other woman on earth could find this kind of love.

“You’re okay if it doesn’t happen?” she whispered because his kisses were making her breathless.

“As long as we can keep practicing.”

“I never want to stop practicing,” she admitted, feeling his muscles quiver in response to her gentle scratching. “In fact, I think I’m ready for a session right now.”