Operation Endurance

CHAPTER 18

The next day as Chris left for work, he glanced over at Julie’s house. There didn’t appear to be any movement from within and he hoped she was getting some rest. When his nightmares had awoken him at 4:15, he’d checked and there weren’t any lights on at her place. He hoped that was a good sign. He would like to check on her, but he absolutely didn’t want to wake her up, so he’d try to be patient and wait to hear from her via text.

As it was, he had a full day ahead of him at Mad Rob. He and Colton were taking the De Havilland up today after having to reschedule last week. And then this afternoon, he had a follow-up appointment with his urologist where hopefully he would get some answers about his lingering health issues and the fact that he didn’t seem to get an erection anymore.

Chris had just gotten in from the flight with Colton when he finally got his first text from Julie.

It simply said, “Am sleeping. Don’t worry.”

He texted back, looking for more details about her fever and how she felt, but she didn’t respond. He tried not to let that worry him, hoping that she was simply sleeping the day away and recuperating.

By the time he got to his doctor’s office, he was feeling a little nauseous himself. Sometimes no news is better than bad news and he had a feeling that today was going to be nothing but bad news. He was right.

By the time he left, he was reeling from phrases like decreased blood flow, prolonged impotence, and implants. Surprisingly, the most devastating of all was sterility. The doctor continued to reassure him that nothing was set in stone and sometimes in cases like these miracles did occur. But after surviving six months of having his balls bashed in on an almost daily basis, he just didn’t think the likelihood of a miracle was going to happen.

He was supposed to head back into Mad Rob after he left the doctor’s office, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to have to face up to Colton or Mick and explain why there was this horrible devastation gnawing in the middle of his gut, so instead he turned his truck toward home, stopping at the liquor store on the way. He needed something to numb him from the reality of his life tonight.

As he entered his house, he glanced back at Julie’s. He hadn’t heard from her in the last couple of hours, but it looked like everything was quiet. He stood there for a moment and debated knocking on her door rather than heading into his house to get rip-roaring drunk, but she was just another example of how off-kilter his life had become since he’d been taken hostage. Just another thing that he loved wrenched out of his life a year ago.

He let himself into his house, opening the cap of the Scotch bottle as he went. This afternoon’s diagnosis drove the fact home. He’d still had hopes for a future between him and Julie. Oh sure, he knew that right now she was devastated over Aaron’s death, but he’d still had that tiny hope in the back of his brain and heart that someday, they could make a go of it.

But that could never be now. She deserved a family and he wasn’t a guy that could give them to her. He would have to sit back and watch her fall in love with another guy. It had been bad enough watching her with Aaron, but the thought of watching her belly grow with some other guy’s baby was devastating. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t stay here and be friends with her through that. He just couldn’t.

He took a large swig of the potent alcohol directly from the bottle and told himself the tears in his eyes were from the fumes. What was one more little lie to himself? Just like all the other little lies. Like the fact that he could ever have a normal life again. Or the idea that Colton and Jake could count on him. That someday he’d be normal without the horrible, debilitating nightmares killing his peace every night. Or that someday he could be normal with a wife and kids. What a joke. It was all a huge joke played on him by Fate. That bitch hated him.

He finally made it to the kitchen where he grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it. Oh God, he’d never have intercourse again. Never be able to enjoy a woman’s lush curves or her soft sighs as she came to climax. That single day with Julie had been the best day of his life. He’d just had no idea that day would be his last truly happy one. He slung back another burning swallow, stumbled back to his bedroom, and slumped down the wall, settling to the floor where he stared morosely at the bed while he drank.

The phone rang ten minutes later. Levering himself up off the floor, he stood, surprised at how unstable his balance already was. He looked down at the bottle. He’d already made a pretty good dent in it.

“Chris, are you there?” Cassie’s worry-filled voice floated across the apartment. “Pick up. What’s going on? I tried your cell, but you’re not answ—”

Dammit, of course Cassie would sense that he was upset. He stumbled toward the machine and turned the volume off. He should have been expecting it and hated that he could manage to screw up her honeymoon. After digging his cell phone out of his jeans pocket, he quickly texted Cassie. “Don’t worry, just jammed my thumb. Give Jake a kiss for me.”

She probably wouldn’t buy it, but his brain was already too fogged by alcohol to come up with anything better. At least she would know he was alive and not bleeding to death in an alley, although at this point, that might not be such a bad thing. Damn, he probably should slow it down on the Scotch, if he was having thoughts like that.

He left the Scotch on the counter and flung himself onto his couch, turning on the TV. The room spun as he tried to focus on it. He flipped through the channels and literally gasped when he came across the movie that he’d watched with Julie on Valentine’s Day. Sitting there watching it, he was completely transported to a day over a year ago, watching it with her in his arms, a fire roaring in the fireplace, snow falling outside. As he rubbed across his face, he was surprised to find it wet with tears. What had he done so wrong to the universe to deserve to lose everything?

He awoke to Colton’s voice. “I’m in his house now, Cass. Besides being drunker than a skunk and passed out, I think he’s okay.”

Chris could hear the sound of something being poured down the sink. That was probably the rest of his Scotch. He sat up and rubbed at his face. The room continued to spin and he fought back the nausea that came with it, swallowing hard.

Colton came and stood in front of him, scowling, with the cell phone to his ear. “Yeah, he’s waking up. I’ll stay here tonight. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him. Try to tune him out and enjoy your honeymoon, okay, sis?”

After hanging up the cell phone, Colton crossed his arms and continued to stare down at him. “Do you want to explain what happened?”

Chris laughed loud and bitter. “Nope.” He stood and then lurched a little, until Colton grabbed him to steady him. He headed toward the kitchen, hoping he was wrong about the demise of the Scotch. Colton dogged his steps, seemingly ready to catch him if he stumbled again. And wasn’t that always the way with Colton? He was always there to take care of them all. “I’m okay. Go home to Pen.” He looked in the trash can and pulled out the now empty bottle and scowled at his older brother.

“I don’t think so.”

Chris staggered to the refrigerator, opened it and grabbed a beer.

Colton immediately snatched it out of his hand. “I think you’ve had enough.”

Grabbing another, Chris replied, “I don’t really care what you think.” He shoved past Colton, not really caring how hard he hit him as he walked past into the living room.

He could feel Colton’s stare on the back of his head as he flopped back down on the couch. Damn, he really hated it when the room spun like this. He leaned his head back against the couch and started flipping channels.

“Something happened. You were fine when you left work this afternoon. Now it’s 7:30 at night and you’re falling down drunk. This isn’t you, Chris. Tell me what happened.”

Chris didn’t want to think about this afternoon. He didn’t want to think about the nightmares. His lost dreams. The mess his life had become. He just wanted to find oblivion, just for a few hours or days. Was that so much to ask? He took a long draw off his beer, ignoring the queasiness that ensued because of it.

Colton yanked the beer out of his hand.

“Hey!” Chris yelled as he tried to stand, but was less than successful. It just wasn’t worth the effort. He stumbled toward his bedroom. “Go home, Colt. I don’t want to talk. Just go home.” He slammed his bedroom door, unbuttoned the top of his jeans, flopped on his bed, and tried not to think about the last time he’d had sex. With Julie. On Valentine’s Day. Fifteen months ago.



* * *



Chris sat straight up in bed. Oh my God. What was that horrible noise and why were there little people in his head trying to drive pick-axes through his skull in time to it? He tried to groan, but it came out more as a whimper as his stomach suddenly lurched and he dove toward the bathroom and toilet. As he sat on the bathroom floor worshipping the porcelain god, it occurred to him that a few hours of oblivion weren’t worth this.

Finally, his stomach settled enough so he could stand again. Leaning over the sink, he rinsed his mouth out with tap water and avoided looking in the mirror. He remembered making this trip several times throughout the night and was pretty sure the wear and tear would show in his reflection.

Again, the grinding noise came at him from the kitchen, hammering at his skull. He shuffled into the room, yanked the coffee grinder out of Colton’s hand, and set it very gingerly on the counter.

Colton just ignored his scowl and gave him a blinding, gleeful smile. “Good morning, sunshine.” Then he maniacally picked up the grinder and started it again.

Chris clutched his head as he sank to the floor.

Finally, the incessant noise stopped and Chris could only whimper. “You’re a sadistic bastard.”

“Come on.” Colton reached a hand down to help Chris up off the floor. “The pain will be worth it when you get some coffee in your system.” Colton pushed him into a barstool at the breakfast counter where Chris rested his head in his hands, closing his eyes to the blinding glare of the morning sun.

They sat there in the quiet, with only the noise from the coffee brewing. Chris tried to convince himself that he couldn’t truly die from a hangover, no matter how bad it felt. Colton toasted some bread and set it on a plate in front of Chris, although his stomach churned at the sight. He pushed it away. “Maybe later.”

When the coffee was done, Colton poured two cups, one of which he pushed under Chris’s nose. The smell was tempting, but Chris knew as soon as he made any movement that looked like he might live, Colt would start yelling. So for now, he just listened to the drumbeats pounding in his head. They were going to hurt worse when Colton decided to lay into him.

Finally, Chris couldn’t stand the condemning silence anymore and looked up into his big brother’s eyes. Colton leaned up against the counter in front of him with only jeans on his lean hips, looking both concerned and frustrated. Faced with that wall of muscle, he was once again thankful that Colt wasn’t a violent guy. Colton would yell at him, but he probably wouldn’t beat him senseless unless Chris really provoked him. That might be a tempting way to work out his frustrations if his head didn’t hurt so damn much.

He’d obviously spent the night, which made feel Chris feel guilty. He had a pregnant fiancé at home. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have spent the night. I was fine.”

“You didn’t look fine last night when I got here and you were falling down drunk. I told Cassie I’d take care of you and I meant it. She wouldn’t have understood if you’d died of alcohol poisoning.” Colt’s voice was soft, but edged with steel.

What could Chris tell him? That maybe it had been better if he had died? That he wasn’t worth the trouble? Instead of laying that on him, Chris sipped his coffee and avoided Colton’s gaze by checking out the blinking light of the answering machine. Those were probably all messages from Cassie. He hated that he’d caused her to worry on what should be some of the happiest days of her life.

“Chris, what happened yesterday? You’ve been doing better. There had to be something to set this off. I know you had some sort of appointment yesterday afternoon. Did something happen there? Did you get some bad news? Talk to me. Let me help.” Colton’s low, gentle voice hit more like a blow than yelling at him would have.

Finally, he looked up at Colton, pleading him. “There’s nothing you can do to help this, Colt. Please, just leave it alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Colton sighed deep. “You know we love you, right?”

He did know, and that just made this worse. He nodded mutely.

Colton gestured to the answering machine. “You need to call Cassie back. She’s worried sick.” Colton reached for it now. “I’m sure most of those messages on there are from her.” He turned up the volume and pushed play.

The message he’d begun to hear from Cassie the night before when he’d turned it down rang out over the kitchen.

The next message was also from her. “Pick up the damn phone, Chris. I know you’re there. I got your text, but I’m not buying it.”

Then another. “I’m sending Colton over. If you don’t want to have to deal with him all up in your ass, you better call me back.”

Colton snorted and Chris just felt worse for worrying both of them.

The next message was from Jake. “Come on, Chris. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re scaring Cass. Please call us back.”

Then it was Cassie again and the nausea rolled through his stomach. “Colton called me, but I wish I could hear it from you that you’re really okay. Chris, call me tomorrow or else I’m gonna come home and beat your ass.”

There was one more message, but it wasn’t Cassie’s voice that came across the line. It began with ragged breathing and then a horrible cough. Chris’s eyes widened in alarm. He looked at Colton, who’d been listening to the messages, too. Finally, a voice that was barely there came across the line. “Chris…help.”

“That’s Julie.” He sprang up out of his chair and before he made it to the front door, he heard a crash over the answering machine that sounded like she’d fallen, and then the line went dead. Colton was right behind him as he ran across to her door. Chris knocked frantically, but no one came to the door. He tried the knob, but it was locked.

He glanced over at Colton. “Go check her driveway and make sure her car’s still here. I have a spare key in my kitchen. I’ll go get it.”

Colton gave a sharp nod and Chris sprinted back into his house. Yanking the drawer open, he frantically searched for her key. “Come on. Come on,” he muttered as he shoved things around in the drawer. He knew it was in here. Finally he spotted the pink edge of her key fob, wrenched it out of the drawer, and took off at a dead run toward her house.

When he got back, Colton was standing there knocking again. “Her car’s still here.”

Chris tried to get her key in the lock, but his hands were still too shaky from the night before. Colton took the key out of his hand. “I got it.” He quickly disengaged all the locks, but when he went to open the door, the chain was still holding the door closed.

“Julie,” Chris called through the gap, but she didn’t respond.

The brothers exchanged worried glances. “We have to get in there. She’s been really sick, Colton.”

Colton stepped back and examined the door. “Okay, I think I can kick it in. Let me get some shoes on first though.” He ran back into Chris’s house while Chris leaned his head against the door, trying to see anything inside her house. He couldn’t see her. Why wasn’t she answering the door? With the chain engaged, she had to be in there, but the idea that she was too sick to even get to the door sent a chill of fear down Chris’s spine. She had to be okay.

Suddenly, Colton tugged on his shoulder. “Stand back, so I can do this.” It took two kicks, but finally the wood on the door jamb splintered and Chris rushed into her house.

Swinging his head to spot her, he frantically searched through her rooms, heading toward her bedroom. His heart skipped a beat when he spotted her bare legs on the floor on the other side of her bed. She was crumpled on the floor like she’d simply collapsed. He slid to her side, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but so weak. Her skin was flaming hot, but dry to the touch. Without even checking he could hear her breath rattling in her lungs.

“Colton,” he yelled back toward the living room, “I found her. Go grab the keys to my truck. We have to get her to the emergency room.”

“I’m on it,” Colton called as he ran back out of the house.

Chris leaned down over Julie. “Julie, Butterfly, can you hear me? We’re gonna take you to the ER.” He gingerly reached under her and picked her up, but there wasn’t any sign of consciousness from her at all. His own pulse pounded in his ears as panic threatened to overwhelm him. She had to be okay. He pulled her tightly to his chest willing her to be okay.

He strode out the front door and Colton was there with a handful of wallets, keys, and shoes.

Colton’s eyes darted to Julie’s pale still form in Chris’s arms before he ran in front of Chris to open the passenger door of the truck for him.

As Chris settled into the truck seat, he studied her translucent skin. She had a grey cast to her pallor, which scared him to death. Cradled in his arms, she felt and looked way too fragile to him. He brushed her hair off her forehead and brushed a kiss across it. She was so damn hot. Her fever was way too high.

Colton started the truck, but they weren’t moving fast enough. “Hurry, Colt.”

“I know, but it won’t do her any good if we get in a wreck on the way.”

Chris pulled her to his chest. This may be the last time he got to hold her like this. Panic surged through him. “Hang on, Butterfly. Just hang on. We’re gonna be there soon. You just have to hang on. You can’t leave me. I need you. Please, hang on, Julie.” He was rambling, but he needed something to sink into her subconscious. She needed to know that he needed her. He knew that she’d been in a really dark place lately and the thought that she might not have something to live for wasn’t acceptable. She needed to come back to him. He needed her to come back to him.

Without warning, she tensed up and a rattling cough shook her entire body.

Colton cast a worried look at them and pursed his lips. “That doesn’t sound good.”

Chris stayed focused on Julie. “Butterfly, can you hear me?”

Her eyes fluttered open, but they were glazed with fever and she looked right through him. “Stay with me, Julie. We’re taking you to the hospital.”

She shuddered. “No, not the hospital. Aaron’s dead.”

Chris’s heart broke as she sobbed quietly, her breaths coming as shallow gasps. “Shh, it’s okay, Butterfly. It’s going to be okay.”

For a moment she stilled and seemed to recognize him as her eyes met his. Her hand reached up to touch his face. “Chris?”

“Yeah,” he gave her a soft smile, “it’s me. Hang on for me, okay?”

She shuddered and closed her eyes as another cough shook her. “Love you so much.” Her voice was barely there as she seemed to drift in and out of consciousness. “Always been you. Poor Aaron. He died, but it’s only Chris. Always,” she said with a soft sigh. “But Chris died, Aaron died, Nugget died. Everyone dies, but I always loved you.” Her voice drifted off as she fell back into unconsciousness. Exhaustion and sickness had overtaken her.

He jumped when Colton touched his right shoulder. He’d been so focused on Julie he didn’t realize they’d arrived at the emergency room.

“Come on, Chris. They have a gurney for her.”

Two nurses stood behind Colton, waiting to take Julie from him. He climbed out of the truck, kissed her softly on the forehead, and laid her on the gurney. While they rolled her away, he began to sink to the ground, until Colton grabbed him up.

Oh God, she’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. She could die. Panic and helplessness reverberated through every cell in his body.

Colton’s voice was low and cajoling, “Come on, Chris. She’s going to be okay. They’ll get her taken care of. Let’s go park the truck, you can put some shoes on, and then we can see how she’s doing.”

Colton guided him back to the truck and into the seat. Chris leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes, while Colton drove and parked the truck. Julie loved him.

His stomach rolled. If he hadn’t been drunk, he could have gotten to her sooner. He didn’t have time to deal with the stupidity of his hangover. He slipped on his shoes.

As soon as Colton put the truck in ‘park’, Chris was ready to head back into the ER, but Colton put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“What?” Chris asked.

“I grabbed these.” Colton pressed his cell phone and wallet into his hand, but held tight when Chris tried to take them. “Are you okay?”

“No, and I won’t be again until they tell me she’s okay.”

Colton shook his head, but released Chris’s arm and they rushed back into the hospital.

The ER receptionist wouldn’t let them into her room to see Julie yet, so Chris sat in the hard chair rubbing his knee in agitation, his head pounding. “I should have been there for her. What if she dies because I didn’t answer the f*cking phone?”

Colton looked at him worriedly, but didn’t say anything. That was almost worse than empty words. Chris knew Colton wouldn’t promise anything that he couldn’t keep. Did that mean he thought she was dying too? He looked around the waiting room in frustration. “What’s taking them so long? Why aren’t they telling us anything?”

“It hasn’t been that long. Try to relax. Julie doesn’t have any family in town does she?”

“Her brother lives here, but he’s in Louisiana right now for his job. He’s supposed to be gone for about another month. Her sister, Rachel, lives in Oklahoma City. Do you think I should try to get hold of them?”

“Let’s wait and see what the doctors say first. It may not be as bad as it seemed once they get her in here where they can keep an eye on her. It may be something as simple as she’s dehydrated and needs an IV.”

Chris gave a sharp nod and looked around the waiting room again before leaning down on his palms with his elbows resting on his knees.

“We never did get that coffee this morning. Why don’t I go see if I can find us some?”

“Okay. Thanks, Colt.”

Colton gave his shoulder a squeeze as he left the waiting room.

They were on their second cup of coffee each when finally an older doctor came over to them, reaching out his hand. “Are you Chris Robertson?” At Chris’s nod, he continued, “I’m Dr. Andrews. Ms. Hyatt gave me permission to share her condition with you.” He looked questioningly at Colton.

“I’m sorry. This is my brother, Colton. He helped me bring her in this morning.”

The doctor gave a sharp nod before turning back to Chris. “Ms. Hyatt is suffering from a severe case of pneumonia. When you brought her in, her pulse oxygen levels were extremely low and her fever was extremely high. She’s also dehydrated and appears to be suffering from general exhaustion. We’re getting her admitted into ICU right now. She’s already on an IV and antibiotics so hopefully, we will see some improvement over the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

“Can I go in and see her?”

The doctor gave a sharp nod. “She’s asking for you, but you need to let her rest. Don’t get her worked up. The effects of the medicine on top of her physical condition mean she’s going to sleep a lot. Don’t let it worry you. They should have her in her room in about fifteen minutes. There’s a waiting room in the ICU. You can wait there and I’ll send someone out to get you when they’re ready for you.”

“She’s going to be okay, right?” He needed that reassurance.

The doctor’s wrinkled face became guarded. “She’s young and overall healthy. There’s no reason for her condition to worsen, but we’ll know more within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

For some reason, that tiny reassurance didn’t reassure him at all. Every time he got even the slightest glimmer of hope, it was snatched away. That couldn’t happen with Julie. Not again. Somehow she needed to know that he was nearby and that he needed her to live. She couldn’t die.



* * *



Twenty-four hours later and things hadn’t improved any. If anything, Julie was getting worse. She hadn’t awoken since they’d admitted her. Chris knew that for a fact because he hadn’t left her side. He’d pulled his chair right up beside her bed so he could hold her hand, the one that didn’t have the IV in it. Her dark, inky lashes feathered over her pale cheekbones. He knew the moment that he left, she’d slip away from him and he couldn’t allow that to happen.

He lived in fear that the nurses were going to kick him out, but so far, they had left him alone. Maybe out of respect for Julie since she was on staff at this hospital, or maybe just because his desperation over the situation showed. He didn’t really care why, as long as they let him continue to stay.

Colton and Penelope had both been in and out, urging him to go home and sleep, but he couldn’t do that. Something in his eyes must have shown that because they didn’t push too hard, just continued to place food and coffee into his hands at regular intervals.

Her every breath seemed to be a struggle, the rise and fall of her chest uneven, the rattle in her lungs terrifying. He looked over her beautiful pale face, almost the same color as the sheet, but the sheet actually looked healthier. The grey cast to her skin tone hadn’t dissipated and that scared him. She lay there so still. Always so active, the stillness scared him the most of all.

He would give up use of his leg just to see those hazel eyes open and focused on him again. She’d said that she loved him on the way to the hospital. Had she always loved him? And what about Aaron? Knowing where her mindset had been since Aaron died, he was really scared that she’d just give up.

He stood and leaned to press his lips to the top of her head, taking in her essence of jasmine and pear. Even with all the aromas of medicine and disinfectants around, she still smelled like Julie. That tiny tidbit gave him the smallest morsel of hope. “You need to come back to me,” he whispered in her ear. “I need you here, Butterfly. Please, please, just wake up for me.”

The door opened, but he didn’t turn to see who it was. Honestly, he didn’t really care.

“Chris.” Colton’s rough voice carried over the hush of the room.

He didn’t look at him. He just kept watching Julie’s face for some sign of life.

“Chris,” he said, sterner now. “You won’t do her any good if you get sick, too. You need to get out of here for a little bit. Go home, take a shower, and take a short nap. I’ll stay with her. If there’s any change, I’ll call you and you can be back here in ten minutes.”

Finally, Chris looked at him. “I can’t. I wasn’t there when she needed me. I can’t leave her now. If I do, she may give up.” His voice cracked with emotion, but he didn’t care. “She can’t give up.”