Chapter 10
Chase was in the bathroom, likely hiding out, as males are wont to do when they are in a cowardly frame of mind, Khalid thought mockingly.
Kia lay in the center of her huge bed, a small, huddled little form who had cried silent tears as she climaxed between him and Chase.
Khalid finished dressing and sat down on the edge of the bed, staring back at her until she lifted those damp lashes and looked at him miserably.
He remembered being here two years before, realizing her screams and her tears weren't those of an aroused woman, and feeling fury shaking his soul.
He had nearly killed Drew that night. He had wished more than once that he had left the bastard lying in his own blood.
He leaned closer and brushed her hair from her cheek, watching her tenderly.
"Tell him," he told her gently.
Her breathing hitched.
"Do you believe it would harm my feelings to know you do not wish my presence here any longer?" He waved his hand to the bed, feeling his chest tighten again as her eyes filled with tears. "My dear, as tragic as forgoing such pleasure would be, this is not what you need now. Tell him. Demand your due."
She looked away from him, but he saw the flash of steel in her eyes. She was already there, he realized. It was the reason for the tears.
"As men, there are times when we are pitiful excuses for lovers." He sighed. "We wound the tender hearts placed in our keeping, because our own lusts often rule us before our hearts learn how to lead us. His head fights what his heart knows."
She shook her head. "It was only for the pleasure," she whispered, her voice rough. "I thought I could do it."
Khalid shook his head. "I always knew differently, little one. Your heart rules your lusts, and always, Chase has drawn both your eye as well as your desires. I've known this for many years. It was Chase who did not wish to see.
To see would have risked his own heart, his own purpose. Ofttimes, men such as we are, we do not see the truth of our own destinies."
He ran his fingers down her pale cheek. "If he does not spend this night with you, and the darkness grows unbearable, I'm but a phone call away."
"I can't…"
He placed his fingers on her lips. "I can hold back the darkness," he promised her softly. "Not your need for the one you love. I won't try to arouse you, little one, merely hold you. Sometimes, we just need that warmth in the dark, yes?"
Her fingers touched the back of his hand, a sad smile shaped her lips, and he knew she would never call.
"You deserve a very special woman, Khalid," she whispered.
He shook his head. "I deserve far less than you believe."
He stared around the room, and wondered if his debt to her had been eased yet. A part of him felt it had not. The night he had nearly participated in the most horrific event a woman could be forced into still seared his memory.
He had sworn to himself he would never take so much as a smile that a woman did not wish to give him. That he would bring them only pleasure, never pain. Yet this delicate woman, so young, so winsome and sensual, he had nearly helped to destroy.
He heard the water in the bathroom shut off.
"I will go for now." He rose from the bed. "Should you need me, Kia…"
She nodded as she rose up in the bed and glanced at the door before turning back to him. "I'll call."
But he knew she wouldn't, just as she knew it.
He sighed at the thought and nodded before turning and leaving the room, and then the apartment. What more could he do at this point? This night? Tomorrow might be another matter entirely.
Kia watched as the bathroom door opened and Chase walked out, tucking his shirt into his pants. She stood by the bed belting her robe, and when he stared at her silently she stifled a sigh.
Yes, he was leaving. She hadn't expected anything more. She felt the tightness around her eyes, the tears that wanted to fill them, and pushed her fingers through her hair before leaving the bedroom.
He followed, watching in silence as she came to a stop beside the door.
Letting him go without begging him to stay was the hardest tiling she had ever done. Not because she needed him to hold back the night. Because she needed him to hold her. Because she was learning she needed more than just the pleasure.
"Don't bother coming back unless you come back alone."
She saw the surprise that surged into his eyes. But how could he be surprised? Surely he hadn't thought it would continue like this indefinitely. That she would always be the little plaything that he could share with his friends and she would never ask for anything more.
"You haven't enjoyed it?" His eyes narrowed, his expression tightening.
Not in anger. Strangely, she thought she might have sensed a small flicker of knowledge instead.
She could not afford to let herself care for him any more than she already did. Her heart was getting twisted up in this, her need for more, for something deeper, was beginning to gnaw at her like a hungry beast. Watching him leave each time, never knowing the softer, gentler side of having a lover, was starting to hurt too much. She wanted to laugh in bed with him. She wanted to wake up beside him and argue over the blankets, and how stupid was that?
And she was falling in love with him. She knew she was. Soon he would have the power to destroy her in ways that Drew could have never imagined.
She stared back at him, eye to eye, and whispered, "I don't have the strength for a broken heart right now, Chase. And this is going to break my heart. I need more than a few hours, whenever."
"What the hell does a broken heart have to do with us?" His jaw clenched, the muscle flexing within it dangerously.
Of course, to him, her heart didn't have anything to do with it. They weren't even involved in a relationship. She was nothing but a f*ck buddy, she told herself, as painful as that thought was, and she couldn't bear it anymore.
"It has everything to do with me," she answered him. "You can come to me alone, or not at all. As hot, as wicked, as being with both you and Khalid has been, I'd like to see, just once, if you know how to f*ck without him."
A frown snapped between his brows. "This is insane, Kia. What we have is something we'll not find without a third."
"Well, now, wouldn't I just like to find that out myself," she drawled painfully. "If you truly believe that, Chase, then you can walk right out this door and find another woman to be the filling in your and Khalid's little sandwich. You don't really need me at all. Any blond twit would work."
"You're not turning this into something it's not, Kia," he warned her.
"Emotion isn't going to play a part in this. That was the agreement. For the pleasure. That was the deal we had."
"It's your deal then, because I've had enough." She lifted her chin, her breathing harsh, painful. She could feel the knife stroke of pain slicing through her at the knowledge that she couldn't have even this much of him because of her own pitiful emotions. "You can return here alone, or not at all."
Falling in love sucked. She realized that the day she had known her marriage was over, which came even before the night her husband had attempted double rape, but it hadn't hurt like this.
This was all Chase wanted from her, though, and that had the power to break her.
Chase shook his head, as though bewildered.
"Look, you just need a little time." He cleared his throat and dragged his fingers through his hair as she watched him in astonishment. "You're obviously upset over that confrontation with Drew today. I know that's enough to throw you off balance. Once you figure out what we have here and that you don't want to let go, all you have to do is call me."
Call me. Khalid had made that offer. Her lips curled mockingly.
Of course, he didn't truly know why she was upset. He was a man. And this was just for the pleasure. She was just for the pleasure. She wasn't woman enough for his heart. And God help her, but she needed the emotion, the heart to go with the man.
"It won't make a difference," she finally told him softly as she opened the door. "If you change your mind, though, perhaps you could put yourself out to go to the effort of calling me."
Chase pondered her words silently. He couldn't risk it. He knew he couldn't risk it. Kia had a power over him that no other woman had ever had.
Sleeping with her, making love to her—and it would be making love, he knew with an instinct he didn't fight—would bare him to her completely.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked, moving to her slowly, cupping her cheek in his hand and watching her lashes flutter in pleasure. And in pain.
"I'm sure."
She didn't sound sure. She sounded lost and alone, like a woman fighting her tears. But her eyes were dry, though her face was pale.
"Kia—"
"Just go, Chase," she whispered. "Please. Just go."
He left. He forced himself to walk through the door, forced himself to keep moving as it closed quietly behind him. Just as he forced himself to walk into the early evening cold, hail a cab, and order it to Squire Point.
But he left something behind, he thought to himself. Something he might never regain.
Cameron sat back in his chair when his brother strode into the office the next morning. Late.
In the years he and Chase had both been working for Ian Sinclair, Cameron couldn't remember the last time his brother had been late. For anything.
Chase was methodical; he liked to keep his schedule, and he prided himself on being punctual. There had been a while there when Cameron had actually wondered if his brother was human rather than a robot when it came to his schedule.
"You're late." He pointed out the obvious as Chase tossed his jacket on the hook on the wall and prowled to his computer desk.
He received some kind of grunt in reply.
Cameron grinned, sat back in his chair, and studied the enigma that was Chase. That took all of about five seconds. In the past six months Cameron had slowly been allowing that twin bond they'd once had to return. Letting go of the control he had always had over it hadn't been easy, but Jaci's love had helped. She'd soothed all those ragged, pain-filled edges and given him a reason to live again.
She'd given him the strength to take a chance on letting his brother sense his emotions, something he hadn't done in twenty years. And he'd learned it wasn't Chase sensing what Cameron was feeling. It was the other way around.Cameron winced at the bottled emotions inside his brother, and he almost smiled. Hell, it was no wonder Chase had been amused when Jaci had walked back into their lives and proceeded to shake Cameron's little world.
It was downright funny.
To look at Chase's set, closed face no one would guess at the almost hollow anger that filled his brother, and the need. Damn, that need was enough to remind Cameron that he had a lunch date at home with his fiancée and a little afternoon love he'd been set on making.
The need trapped inside Chase was blistering hot, boiling, and threatening to explode. And Cameron had a feeling he knew exactly who it was going to boil over on. The potential for it had always been there. Even before Kia Rutherford married Drew Stanton, she had been the one woman Cameron had sensed Chase shying away from.
Chase might tell himself this was only for the pleasure, but Cameron knew better. And he had a feeling his brother was learning better.
Having a sister-in-law would be an odd experience, Cameron thought.
Especially Kia Rutherford. But he imagined Chase probably felt the same way, with the wedding plans that were progressing rapidly between himself and Jaci.
He'd have his ring on Jaci's finger soon, Cameron promised himself. And he'd wear hers with pride. But that feeling wasn't helping his brother any.
Chase, Cameron decided, needed a bit of help.
"You came in late last night," he commented as Chase unclipped his cell phone from his belt and slapped it on the desk.
That was another thing, Chase had worn jeans into the office. Something he very rarely did. Jeans meant he was pissed off and ready to kick ass. Either figuratively or literally. Cameron was hoping for figuratively.
"I don't have a curfew." Chase sat down and glared at the computer for a second before turning it on.
Cameron blew out a soundless breath. He only did that when he was afraid Courtney had sent out e-mails. Or perhaps more cell phone photos of Kia Rutherford buying lingerie.
Cam grinned.
"How are you and Kia doing?"
Chase froze. "There is no me and Kia," he snapped. "There never was."
"Oh yeah." Cam nodded as though remembering. "That's right. Your old motto, huh? Only for the pleasure?"
Chase's shoulders were tight. "Whatever."
"She's getting possessive, I bet?" Cam asked. "Yeah, women, they get stuff in their heads and the next thing you know, they think they own us.
What's up with that?"
Personally, Cam kind of liked being owned, but the effort was pissing Chase off, and it was the best morning's entertainment he'd had outside of his apartment in a while.
"What's up with you?" Chase fired back, glancing over at him. "Nobody's getting possessive but you."
Cameron reined in his amusement until his brother turned back to the computer, then he smiled. Yeah, he was kind of possessive now. But when a man found a woman who brought out the beast, it was always better to go along for the ride. It was a hell of a lot more fun that way.
"Broke it off with her, did you?" Cameron asked, though he knew better.
A man couldn't break off a relationship he refused to admit he was in.
"There was nothing to break off," Chase snapped.
"True." Cam nodded thoughtfully, as though his brother were actually looking at him. "You're better off without her anyway, probably. I mean, just think of all the complications."
Chase flipped around in his chair, glaring at him. "What complications?
There are no complications."
Cam could feel said complications pouring off his brother, and it was both amusing and sobering. Hell, had he been like mat when he was fighting what he felt for Jaci? He'd have to be sure to make it up to her tonight when he got home.
"Well," Cam drawled, "there's always those little 'honey do' projects they have going on, like putting up Christmas trees, that take most of the night."
Chase frowned, his brows lowering over his eyes broodingly.
"Of course, there's the compensation later." Cam cleared his throat and let a little half smile tug at his lips. "But not all men would think that payment is worth it."
If Chase's expression could have gotten darker, it did.
"And that habit they have of wanting to chat after sex when all a man wants to do is sleep." He leaned forward as if the thought was irksome, then arched his brows and grinned. "Of course, you can learn some good secrets about them then. They like to get things off their minds so they can go to sleep." Cam made certain he had a suitably mysterious look on his face.
He was pleased to see that little flash of concern on Chase's face, as though his brother wondered if either Jaci or Kia had been discussing them at that little lunch yesterday.
Of course, Cam was betting they had. Jaci just hadn't said anything.
"What kind of secrets?" Chase asked, his voice dark, and impressively worried.
"Just girl stuff, I think." Cameron frowned. "I think it's girl stuff. I'm usually pretty close to sleep about then."
Bullshit. If Jaci was talking, Cameron was listening, simply because he was f*cking mesmerized by her.
"They definitely come with a few problems." Cameron sighed and shook his head.
"Like what?" Chase growled. "Kia's not a problem."
"Well, that's true. I guess if you're just there for the f*ck, then it's not that big a deal." He shrugged. "Now me, for instance. There's all the cuddling Jaci wants to do at night." He tapped his fingers against his desk thoughtfully.
"But she does keep a man warm. Sharing bathroom space gets tight sometimes
—all that girly stuff lying around. But she'll wash my back in the shower." He grinned. She did a hell of a lot more than that in the shower.
Chase glared at him.
"Man, monogamy can suck, I guess, and women just insist on it." He'd kill any man who tried to touch Jaci.
Despite the fact that the first part of their relationship had been spent with Chase as a third, it wasn't a relationship that had continued.
Chase's look grew yet darker.
"There's no relationship," he snapped again. "It wasn't love, it wasn't commitment, it was pleasure. That was all. Simple. Clean. Period."
Yeah, that was what he felt pouring from Chase, pure damned mad and messed-up male emotions. Simple. Clean. Period.
"Eh, count yourself lucky." Cameron shrugged and grinned again. "I guess I just got all the monogamy genes in the family. Damn. I'm a lucky bastard."
"You're definitely a bastard," he heard Chase mutter as he turned back to his computer.
Cameron had to keep his chuckle to himself. He cleared his throat, covered his mouth with his hand as he bent over the files on his desk and let a smile pull at his lips.
Man, Chase was a goner.
Maybe he should feel sorry for his brother, after all, falling in love wasn't an easy thing to do. There were all those messed-up emotions, sensations you just didn't know what the hell to do with, and the fact that a man knew, balls deep and in his gut, that he was never going to feel as much pleasure as he did with that one woman.
Chase was fighting that now. All the possessive, instinctual emotions that assailed a man when he finally touched that one woman who fascinated him were coming off Chase in waves.
Whatever the hell his brother had done, whatever he was denying, it wasn't sitting well with him. And despite his apparent fascination with e-mail, his mind wasn't really on it.
"Did we manage to get the report in on John Haggard's application?" Cam asked his brother several minutes later.
"No."
Cameron almost laughed. Bullshit. He'd seen it on Chase's desk that morning and just hadn't picked it up.
"He's going to be anxious to get his application through," Cam stated.
"He's had his deposit in for a year now while we put him through the wringer.
Do you think we could rush it?"
"I'm on it."
Cameron craned his neck, checked to see what Chase was so absorbed in, then shook his head pitifully.
Those damned cell phone pictures Courtney had taken of Kia going through the lingerie.
Yeah, Chase had it pretty damned bad.
He rose to his feet and moved to his brother's desk, almost grinning again as Chase minimized the screen.
"What the hell do you want?" Chase asked.
Cameron reached down to the desk slowly and grinned knowingly. "The Haggard file." He picked it up, then chuckled as his brother scowled. "She'll be at the Edgewood ball next week, I bet. Maybe you should come with us."
Chase lifted his lip in a snarl and Cameron had to snicker. Poor Chase. A goner, for sure.