CHAPTER 8
Danny
I'm falling and I'm falling hard. I'm at work right now and I'm just counting down the minutes until I see Ryan. He's going to come by here when I get off and then we are going over to my apartment to hang. Which loosely means to make out.
That makes me smile. And feel flushed. The attraction I'm feeling for Ryan is unbelievably insane. He only has to look at me in a certain way and I'm ready to shed all my clothes.
We hung out in my apartment all day yesterday until he had to leave for an evening hockey practice. We spent some of the time talking, and we watched a movie. And the rest of the time we spent fooling around. It was awesome and it is frightening the speed with which I am becoming lost to this man.
I frown remembering our conversation when he offered to help me with mom's medical expenses. I had a brief moment of panic.
For just a moment, a fear so intense coursed through me that my stomach knotted up. His offer to help me was made without reservation, without expectation of something in return, and was made solely because he wanted to help me. It was the sweetest, kindest, most selfless thing anyone has done for me in a long time and that in and of itself scared the shit out of me.
There...I said it...I'm afraid of what Ryan Burnham can make me feel. I'm afraid because I barely survived the trauma of losing my mother and my music education all in one fell swoop. I've since that time purposely avoided things that could hurt me again. And let's face it...falling in love is a risky venture.
But I cannot ignore the fact that I feel very alive when I'm around Ryan. The barest trace of his fingertip across my skin makes me squirm. The timber of his voice can make my pulse flutter. He has come into my life for a reason and I've decided that I just can't turn my head if that bitch Karma wants to pay me a visit. I think I'm due for a measure of happiness. I just hope Ryan is that measure.
"Hey, gorgeous."
I spin around and my mouth instantly waters. Ryan is standing there wearing a pair of dark jeans that hang low on his hips. He has on a charcoal gray, long sleeved Henley. His hair is artfully unkempt and I want to run my hands through it.
"Hi, back at ya."
"You about ready?"
I nod and take off my apron. I step from behind the counter and all of a sudden, I'm shy. I look down at the floor but then he's tilting my chin up with his forefinger. When I meet his eyes, he swoops down and gives me a sweet kiss. One of the customers at the counter hoots his approval and I pull back with a huge grin on my face.
As we drive the short distance to my apartment in Ryan's Range Rover, he holds my hand the entire time. Before he pulls over to park, he brings my hand to his mouth and gives it a kiss.
"My fraternity is throwing a party tomorrow and I was wondering if you would come with me? If you don't want to, we can do something else. But I'd really like you to come and meet some of my friends."
I squeeze his hand and grin at him. "Are you sure? This will be our first step out into public."
He shoots me a smirk. "Of course, I'm sure. I really want you to meet Mike and some of the other guys on the team. The non-a*shole ones. But, I can't promise everyone will be nice. So are you ready for it?"
"Sure, why not. And besides...I have it on good authority if anyone speaks bad about me that my boyfriend will beat the shit out of them."
Ryan laughs as he pulls over into a parking space. Putting the car in park, he leans across the console and gives me a scorching kiss. He pulls away and I'm breathless.
"What was that for?"
"Because that was the first time you called me your boyfriend and it turned me on."
"Oh," I say as I rub my bottom lip that's still tingling from his assault. "Then let me just say...boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend!"
Ryan bursts out laughing and pulls my face to him. He resumes his kiss and I am aching and needy when he draws away again.
"Come on," he says opening the car door. "Let's go get something to eat."
***
I whip up an easy dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread. This is quite the splurge from Ramen noodles. Ryan insists on washing the dishes and I happily sit on the barstool watching him while he works.
For such a large guy, he moves with fluid grace. I can't wait to see him on the ice. I also can't wait to see what he looks like without his clothes. God, I am turning into a hussy. But even as I think that about myself I am admiring the way his shirt molds to his frame. There is not much left to imagine as to the cut of his chest, arms and stomach.
We’ve only known each other a few days but there is not a doubt in my mind that I am going to give my virginity to Ryan. I just don’t know when it will be. Like Ryan, I am savoring the anticipation and I figure we will both know when we just can’t stop the momentum. When that time comes...I’ll be so ready. I’m all grown up now and I am with someone that completely rocks my world.
Ryan dries the last plate and puts it in the cupboard. Turning toward me, he leans back against the counter, his hands gripping the edge beside his hips.
"Can I ask you a favor, Danny?"
"You just cleaned my kitchen and I hate that chore more than anything so I'm in your debt. Shoot."
"Will you play your violin for me?"
Oh, why did he have to ask that?
Tears immediately well up in my eyes and I see panic fire across Ryan's face. I turn and sprint for the bathroom before he sees me break down into a sobbing mess.
I no sooner close the door and make a dash for the tissue when Ryan is knocking on the door.
"Danny...what's wrong? Please, what did I say? I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you."
Oh, his sweet and kind voice is hurting because I am hurting and the floodgates opened. I start sobbing and sink to the floor with my back against the door. I know Ryan can hear me crying but I can’t stop.
"Danny...please let me in."
I have for so long hidden my grief from others, that my first inclination is to bar him from seeing me this way. But all of a sudden, I have the most overwhelming urge to sink myself into his embrace so I can have just a bit of help to ease the pain.
I immediately jump up and open the door, falling into his arms. He wraps his arms around me and puts his lips to my hair. He is whispering words of comfort, soothing away my pain. "It's okay" and "I'm sorry" and "What can I do to make this better?"
And all I can do is cry and cry and cry.
Ryan eventually picks me up and carries me into the living room. He sits on the couch with me in his lap and continues to soothe me. I lay my head on his chest and let him and I revel in the cocoon of understanding he is giving me.
My tears eventually dry but Ryan continues stroking my hair, my arms, my face. He kisses my temple, my cheek and the corner of my mouth, then squeezes me in a hug. I have never felt so cherished in my life.
"I'm sorry," I eventually mumble.
"What for?" he asks gently.
"For being a basket case."
He chuckles. "Well, I have heard a rumor that women are prone to fits of emotion at times."
I laugh into his chest and take in a deep breath. God he smells good. His cologne is subtle but spicy and it exudes masculinity.
I pull back and look at him. "I can't play for you because I don't have my violin anymore. I had to sell it to pay for some of the medical debt."
Ryan gives me a look of horror, understanding and sympathy, all rolled into one, and my tears threaten to build again. He pulls me back to his chest and hugs me. "I'm sorry, Danny. Can I do anything for you?"
I know what he is asking me. If he can get me a violin, but he won't come out and say it. I shake my head.
But then I pull back and put my hand to his cheek. "Actually, you can do something."
"What? I'll do anything."
I give him a wicked smile. "I want you to take me into my bedroom and make me forget about my music for tonight."
Ryan's inhales sharply and I swear his copper eyes turn amber. As I sit in his lap, I immediately feel the growing evidence of the affect my words have on him and it makes me feel incredibly powerful. He searches my eyes as to some clue of what I really want but I don't offer a hint.
Ryan takes my face in his hands and pulls it close to his. "I'm not making love to you tonight, Danny. But if you let me, I promise I will take your mind off your music for a while."
I give a little sigh and nod my head.
"Please," I whisper.
Ryan shoots off the couch with me in his arms and walks down the hallway. I point to my door and he pushes it open with his foot. I have a bedside lamp on with a red scarf thrown over the top and it provides incredible romantic lighting. That certainly wasn't my intent when I had originally put that scarf there months and months ago, but hey, that works out wonderfully.
Ryan puts one knee on the bed and lays me upon the top. I scoot over to make room for him and he follows me.
We both lie down and face each other, and for just awhile, we lay there and look at each other.
Finally he brings his hand to my face and then curls his fingers around the back of my neck. "You are so beautiful, Danny."
"I could say the same about you."
He gives me a hint of a smile but then his look turns molten. He leans in and kisses me gently. I follow his pace, soaking in the experience. I know I'm not losing my virginity tonight but I know I'm going to learn something new and I am tingling with anticipation.
Before long, our kisses turn more urgent. I feel like I am spinning out of control and Ryan masters my mouth. He commands it and it obeys him. My tongue and his move together and then apart. Needing to be together, then needing to roam.
Ryan's hand grabs a hold of my waist and he pulls me closer to him, his fingers digging deliciously into my tender skin. He brings my pelvis flush with his and he groans when we make contact.
Sliding his hand up the back of my shirt, he gently caresses my back while moving his lips to my neck. He's driving me crazy and every point of contact is burning where he touches and then freezing when it leaves. I'm in sensory overload and when his hand moves around to my front and gently cups my breast, I'm almost embarrassed over the guttural moan that escapes my lips.
"Sssshhhhh," he soothes me, yet his hand fondles me with more urgency and I want him to slip it beneath the barrier of my bra.
All of a sudden, Ryan pulls back and I am bereft. I reach toward him and he takes one of my hands and kisses my fingers.
"I'm not going to make love to you, Danny." I'm not sure if he says this to convince himself or me. "But, I would like to see and touch more of you. Will you let me?"
Oh, yes, please, I want to scream but I just nod my head dumbly. I don't think I can even speak a single word at this point as my vocabulary seems to consists of groans and sighs.
Before laying back down with me, Ryan sits up on his knees and reaches his arms up to pull his shirt over his head. My tongue about falls out of my mouth. His body is even more beautiful than I had imagined. His chest is smooth and defined. His abs are washboard ripped and there is a dark trail of hair that starts just below his navel and dips down into the front of his pants. I reach my hand out and run my fingers through it. Ryan hisses and I start to pull my hand away, thinking I've done something wrong.
He grabs my hand and holds it there to his stomach. "Don't stop. That felt good. Really, really good."
Oh, damn. The fact I can make this gorgeous man hiss in pleasure nearly has me swooning.
I eagerly spring up to my knees and move in closer to him. I reach my hands out and realize my fingers are shaking. I look up at Ryan and he is gazing at me with unfettered desire in his eyes. I place my right hand over his heart and his skin is hot. I can feel the mad thumping beneath increasing in speed and power. Running my hand down his stomach, I lean in and place a soft kiss on his chest and Ryan groans. When my hand reaches the waistband of his jeans, I start to go lower but Ryan pulls my hand away and puts it behind my back, holding it there.
With his other hand he grips my head and nearly incinerates me with his mouth. Something decadent starts to spread through my body and I want more.
Releasing my hands, Ryan swiftly pulls my shirt over my head and then pushes me back on the bed. My breath is coming in ragged puffs and I hope I don't hyperventilate. The look on Ryan's face is almost feral and it excites me beyond all measure.
His gaze rakes over my breasts which are heaving in their B cups and down my stomach. He stills when he reaches my belly button and sees the piercing that is there. It’s a simple barbell but one end has an aquamarine crystal ball glittering in the lamplight.
He runs his fingers lightly over it and then looks at me. "Any other piercings?"
I shake my head with a shy smile.
"Good. I don't know if my heart can take any more sexiness."
I grin, thrilled that he finds pleasure in looking at me.
Maneuvering until he's kneeling in between my legs, his hands reach the button of my jeans. He looks up at me. "Can I?"
"I'll die if you don't."
Ryan pops the button and slowly slides the zipper down. He's no longer looking in my eyes but looking to see what is revealed below. I lift my hips up so he can slide my jeans all the way off and I feel wanton and free at the same time.
When I am wearing nothing more than a simple white bra and bikini bottoms, Ryan kneels at the end of the bed and just looks at me. I know I should feel self-conscious but I don't. The look on his face is utterly transparent and I know at this moment that I am the most beautiful thing he's ever beheld.
Ryan covers me with his body and our mouths fuse once again. I feel like I am drowning but I don't want it to stop. I'd happily drown if this is what it feels like. My breathing gets more shallow as Ryan moves his way down my body. Dragging his lips and tongue in between my breasts, he pops the center clasp and peels the material back. Alternating between his tongue and his fingers, he pays me exquisite care. Quickly, I am moaning up a storm but I can't stop myself. I have a feeling that when we finally do the act, I'm going to be a screamer.
While his lips continue to drink at my breasts, Ryan moves his hand down to the front of my underwear, skimming his fingers over the top. My hips buck at the slight touch and Ryan practically growls over my responsiveness. Making his way back up my throat with his mouth, I cannot be distracted enough when Ryan slips his hand inside my underwear and proceeds to touch me in the most carnal of ways.
I am beside myself. If Ryan's lips were not licking, sucking or biting mine, I would be thrashing my head side to side. I can feel pressure building inside of me and it scares and excites me all at once. The pleasure is almost painful, yet I must see what comes next. Tears form in the corners of my eyes and then suddenly I'm splintering into a million sparks of light while Ryan's mouth quiets my cries of surrender.
When I return to earth, Ryan is still gently kissing me. He gathers me in his arms and pulls me close. I am boneless and my heart rate is starting to decrease. I suddenly feel a lethargy overtake me and I cannot keep my eyes open. Before I know it, I'm asleep with my head lying on Ryan's chest.