I lay the pages carefully on the table next to the box.
I bring a hand to my cheek, checking for tears, because I can’t believe there aren’t any. I thought surely if I’d heard from him again, I would be an emotional wreck.
But I’m not. My hands aren’t shaking. My heart isn’t aching.
I bring my fingers to my throat to see if I even have a pulse. Because surely I haven’t spent so much of this past year building up an emotional wall so high, that even words like the ones he just wrote can’t penetrate it.
But I’m scared that’s exactly what’s happened. Not only will Ben never break these walls back down, but I’m afraid he’s forced me to build them so thick and high that I’ll be hiding behind them forever.
He’s right about one thing, though. I owe him nothing.
I walk to my bedroom and crawl into bed, leaving every single page unread on the kitchen counter.
? ? ?
It’s 11:15.
I’m squinting, so that means there’s sun. Which means it’s 11:15 a.m.
I bring my hand to my face and I cover my eyes. I wait a few seconds and then I pick up my cell phone.
It’s November 9th.
Shit.
I mean, it’s no surprise I didn’t sleep for twenty-four hours straight, so I don’t know why I’m upset. Especially considering the eleven hours of sleep I did get. I’m not sure I’ve slept this much since I was a teenager. And I especially haven’t slept this much on today’s anniversary. I normally don’t sleep at all.
I stand in the middle of my bedroom and debate how to proceed with today. Behind door number one lies my bathroom, my toothbrush, and my shower.
Behind door number two lies a couch, a television, and a refrigerator.
I choose door number two.
When I open it, I suddenly wish I had chosen door number one.
My mother is sitting on my couch.
Shit. I forgot she was bringing me breakfast. Now she’ll think I do nothing but sleep every day, all day.
“Hey,” I say to her as I walk out of my bedroom. She glances up, and I’m immediately confused by her expression.
She’s crying.
My first thought is what happened and who did it happen to? My father? My grandmother? Cousins? Aunts? Uncles? Boddle, my mom’s dog?
“What’s wrong?” I ask her.
But then I look down at her lap and realize that everything is wrong. She’s reading the manuscript.
Ben’s manuscript.
Our story.
Since when did she start invading privacy? I point at it and shoot her an offended look. “What are you doing?”
She picks up a discarded tissue and wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says, sniffling. “I saw the letter. And I would never read your personal things, but it was open this morning when I brought breakfast and I just . . . I’m sorry. But then”—she picks up some of the pages of the manuscript and flops them back and forth—“I read the first page and I’ve been sitting here for four hours now and haven’t been able to stop.”
She’s been reading it for four hours?
I walk over to her and grab the stack of pages from her lap. “How much did you read?” I pick the manuscript up and walk it back to the kitchen. “And why? You have no business reading this, Mom. Jesus, I can’t believe you would do that.” I shove the lid back on the cardboard box and I walk it to the trash can. I step on the lever to open the lid, and my mother is moving faster than I’ve ever seen her move before.
“Fallon, don’t you dare throw that away!” she says. She grabs the box from my hands and hugs it to her chest. “Why would you do that?” She sets the box on the counter, smoothing her hand over the top of it like it’s a prized possession I almost just broke.
I’m confused why she’s reacting this way to something that should infuriate her.