“No,” she whispered.
But I reached down with my right arm and pulled the blanket up anyway. Darkness had long since settled in the room, though very faint light shone around the curtains, just enough to illuminate the hair framing her face.
I was as relaxed, as calm, as happy as I’d ever been. Part of me wanted to drift off to sleep, right where we were. Which made no sense, because I didn’t like touching anyone when I slept. I never, ever slept touching Karin.
That thought stopped me cold. Karin. A part of me asked, what have I done? But it was a small part. Because right then, where I was, here, with her, felt more right than anything I’d ever felt in my life. And I didn’t want Karin, even thoughts of her, intruding into this space. This sacred, amazing space.
I blinked my eyes then squeezed them shut, because I was afraid if I kept them open, tears would spill over. Because ... I could only ask myself ... why? Why had I let her go? Why did I tell James those years ago that I’d cut off contact with Savannah? Why did I let her walk away? Because in all too many ways, I’d been living in hell since the day she walked away.
And now? Now I was married.
To someone else.
I breathed out, involuntarily whispering the words, “I love you, Savannah.”
At those words she sucked in a quick breath. I squeezed my eyebrows together at an unfamiliar sensation. A tear, fallen from her eyes to my chest.
“I’ve loved you since the beginning,” she whispered.
I slowly inhaled. I started to answer, but before I did, she took a breath again and spoke.
“I loved you the first time I saw you play the cello. I loved how you caressed it, how you made the music alive.”
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t answer. I just looked down, allowing her to finish.
“I love the way you look at me,” she said.
I kissed her delicately on the forehead, a tiny wisp of her hair staying on my lips. I broke my right hand away from hers and brought it to my eyes, wiping them furiously. Because I’d never wanted to admit to anyone that when I’d married Karin, I’d always imagined I was really with Savannah.
I’d wished.
I’d wanted her so badly.
I opened my mouth to speak again, but she wasn’t finished.
“I loved the way you looked at me when we played together. I loved that it was exactly the same as you looked when we were making love.”
I swallowed. Tried to breathe in. I tried to say something. But I couldn’t even think. And then she said the words. She said them in a quiet tone, her voice breathy, beautiful, as open and vulnerable as I’d ever heard anyone sound.
“I love us,” she said.
I suppressed a sob. And I whispered, “I do too.”
At that moment I knew this couldn’t last. I couldn’t have just part of her. I wanted Savannah in my life for good. I wanted her more than anything. I wanted her as my partner, as my lover, as my wife. For the first time in my adult life, I was … happy … overjoyed ... to be touching someone, to have someone in my arms, and I never wanted to let that go. I never wanted to let her go.
And it broke me that I had pledged my life.
My eternity.
To someone else.
Savannah
His cologne was sweeter than I’d remembered. It was more intoxicating than I’d considered, but by then it didn’t matter. I was fully his. Laying with my back to him, I was molded into his body as if we were crafted for each other. Still naked from last night, my bare skin touched almost every inch of him as one of his arms set snugly around my waist.
I cautiously opened one eye, not wanting to disturb him as I checked the time.
5:24 a.m.
We had to leave for the airport in three hours in order to meet back up with the tour in Lincoln, Nebraska for this evening’s show. I’d never had a desire to go to Nebraska, but as I shifted to nuzzle my head back onto his shoulder, I submitted to the fact that I would follow wherever Gregory went in an instant.
I didn’t know if he could follow me back.
I ignored that reality as I replayed the sight of his muscular shoulders towering over my body as we worked in slow rhythm with each other, expressing overwhelming emotions I hadn’t realized I’d held onto for so long. Never had I ever felt so comfortable allowing someone in like that. Emotionally and physically. There were no questions, no awkward pauses as we transitioned easily from one measure to the next, our once silent song resonating between us.
I love you, Savannah.
We’d spoken those words to each other before. But to hear them again, after so much time and so much hurt, and to have them feel just like they had back then … no, they felt better. More sincere as we looked into each other’s eyes, bared to one another under the soft moonlight sneaking admittance through the hotel room window.
Gregory shifted and tightened his arm around me, inhaling as he planted a soft kiss on my shoulder. I grinned, unmoving, reveling in the elegance of the moment. The allure of the next step was tantalizing as he pressed his hips into me, growing harder with each kiss he fixed down my spine. Involuntarily, my hips shifted back, pushing into him as I let out a small sigh.
His firm hand glided satisfyingly down my side. My muscles twitched as his fingers stumbled across the embarrassingly ticklish skin at the base of my ribs. I felt his grin on my shoulder blade as his hand rode over the curve of my hip and slid forward, slipping between my thighs.
“Mmm …” I rolled back slightly, parting my legs to allow his fingers full access.
His mouth moved quickly to my neck and his teeth gently nibbled at my skin as he sucked in a quick breath, his fingers sliding easily inside me. As his thumb worked over me in lazy circles, I shifted again, needing to see him.
To remind myself this was all real.
His crystal eyes brightened as I smiled, holding his face in my hands. Playfully, he bit his lip and grinned, leaning forward to kiss me.