Anger gripped me as I imagined Nate and Hannah cooking together. I held my manatee and glared out the window. Hannah held my hand.
The Librium came on strong as we hit the highway. I listed against the door. Hannah pulled my head onto her lap and I curled up across the bench.
"We are we going?" I said quietly.
"To your brother's house."
"Then where are we going?"
"Where do you want to go?" She ran her fingers through my hair.
"Wherever you're going."
"Then you'll come back to Denver with me. I'll take care of you, Matt."
I fell asleep to the feel of Hannah's fingertips on my face.
I woke to the sound of my nephew's shrill voice.
"Uncle Matt Uncle Matt Uncle Matt!"
My nephew is an unholy terror. I sat up in time to see him throw himself bodily at the car. Nate laughed and climbed out.
Maybe dealing with eight-year-old Owen was how Nate learned to deal with me.
"Wow," Hannah murmured. She was looking out the window, up the sloping lawn toward my brother's house. I felt another twinge of anger—and jealousy.
First they were cooking together, now she was admiring his suburban monstrosity. Was this the kind of thing Hannah liked? I followed her gaze to the house, a two-story brick-front beast that sold new to Nate for a cool million.
"We could—" I rubbed my jaw. "I could—" Fuck these drugs, tangling my thoughts. What was I trying to say? We could get a place like this? Oh, please.
Nate opened my door and Owen launched himself across my lap. Valerie was hurrying down the driveway to meet us, pulling Madison by the hand.
My niece is a quiet, bookish girl, thank god.
I carried Owen out of the car. Everyone was staring at me. Everyone. Nate, Valerie, my niece and nephew, Hannah. I wanted to melt.
We exploded into awkward greetings. Valerie hugged Hannah, then me. I kissed her cheek. My niece hugged me obligatorily. We shared a look that said: I knew the feeling.
"Hey Val," I mumbled. "Hey Maddie." I set down Owen and he latched onto my leg. I had to walk-drag him up to the house.
I never let go of my manatee, and I never let go of Hannah's hand.
It was three in the afternoon. Valerie made some noise about dinner.
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. I felt like death. The potpourri odor and purple scheme of Nate's house turned my stomach.
Hannah and Madison were deep in conversation about the Inheritance Cycle. I shook off Owen, who proceeded to tear through the house screaming like a banshee, his voice echoing off the high ceiling.
Nate moved ahead of me with the suitcases.
"I'll put you two down here," he said, heading to the basement. "That okay?"
"Mm."
"Maddy wants to look after your rabbit. She's been dying to meet him."
"Sure," I said. Better Madison than Owen.
The basement was fully finished with its own bedroom, kitchenette, full bath, and TV area. Like I cared about any of that. All I wanted was to be with Hannah.
Nate rubbed my back and we traded glances.
"I'll tell Hannah where you are," he said, and I nodded. I knew, as I had known for years, that I had the best older brother in the world.
CHAPTER 28
Hannah
_____
NATE DETAINED ME on my way to the basement.
"Hannah. I'm not sure if we'll get to talk again. You know, without Matt looming." He waved a hand and laughed. He looked apologetic.
Over the last five days, I sensed that Nate was giving me the brother test—making sure I was good enough for Matt, or insane enough. Casual conversations about my job or interests turned to grilling sessions, after which Nate was aloof and broody.
And as we cleaned the cabin, Nate periodically surveyed the wreckage and announced, "This is the way Matt is." His tone was always the same—uncompromising, almost proud—and I caught his meaning perfectly.
This is the way Matt is; take it or leave it.
Nate didn't realize that I was already all in.
Then, when Matt refused to see me in the hospital and I stayed on helping clean the cabin and pack, Nate's attitude started to change.