“If I could take all the pain and uncomfortableness from you, I totally would. But if all I can do is change some sheets, you best believe I’m gonna be the best sheet changer there is.” I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.
“We’re going to laugh about this someday, right? Like, one day this will be funny and not mortifying?”
“Honestly, Ella, I’m already laughing.” I smacked him on the stomach and then looked down at my legs.
“Mother Fucker.” This shit was not funny. “I think I just peed again.” I shook my head, still looking down, confusion taking over. “This is weird. I didn’t even feel like I had to go.”
Porter gave me a look that probably mirrored mine, confusion furrowing his brow. “This might be the weirdest question I’ll ever ask you, but, are you sure it was pee?”
“What do you mean?” I asked him, but I knew what he meant. “I’m not due for two more weeks.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Due date or not, the baby comes when the baby wants to.” Even as he said the words I could feel more liquid oozing out of me. Not a lot, but enough that I could feel it and it made me squirm.
“Let’s call the hospital.” I said the words and then I felt the nerves take over. I called the number for the labor and delivery wing and spoke with a very nice nurse. I explained the situation to her, much to my embarrassment.
“Well,” she said sweetly, “if you’re feeling fluid coming from your vagina, and you don’t have to urinate, there is a good probability that your membrane has ruptured. What did the fluid smell like?”
“Uh,” I stammered. “I didn’t smell it.” I tried to hide the disgust from my voice. Who goes around smelling the sheets they just soiled?
“Well, amniotic fluid smells different than urine, so that’s one way you could rule out urination.”
“I’ll go smell it,” Porter said, standing up from the bed.
“You will not!” I yelled. There is no way that I would ever recover from my husband smelling my sheets. I just couldn’t. All the mystery would be gone. I could never, ever, feel sexy around him again if he smelled my sheets. “I’ll smell it.”
“Amniotic fluid smells sweeter than you’d imagine and, funny enough, a little like semen.”
Gross. “Ok, so what if it is amniotic fluid?”
“You should start to experience contractions and we would want to see you in the hospital when your contractions were three to five minutes apart.”
“I haven’t had any contractions.” I said, immediately worried I’m doing this whole labor thing wrong. I couldn’t even contract when I was supposed to.
“It might take a few hours, but you should start contracting soon. It was more than likely contractions that ruptured your membranes. You just couldn’t feel them because they aren’t strong enough yet. You could be contracting right now. It’s just a matter of waiting until they’re strong enough to do some damage.” I cringed at her nurse jargon; I didn’t need any damage done to me. “However, it’s important that we deliver the baby within twenty-four hours of the membranes rupturing, so if you aren’t contracting within the next, oh say, ten hours, you should come in anyway.”
“Then what happens?” I asked, horrified.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Mrs. Masters. First, determine whether or not it was urine on your sheets and go from there. I’m looking at your chart and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t expect a totally normal delivery. Is this your first?”
“Yes.” I said sadly, suddenly wishing I knew what I was doing.
“It’ll be ok. I would bet money that you didn’t wet the bed. It sounds like you ruptured.” Again, I cringed. She needed some different verbiage. I hung up with the helpful nurse and went to smell the sheets. I lifted the offending linens to my nose and gave then a hesitant sniff. I immediately and unconsciously felt my lips turn into a surprised pout.
“Huh,” I said out loud to Porter who stood just outside the door. “She was right. It does smell like semen.” I smelled the sheets again to confirm my opinion and then stopped, realizing what I was doing.
“Wait,” he said, a huge smile coming across his face. “It doesn’t smell like pee?”
I shook my head and then, damn it, smelled the sheets again. I stopped mid-sniff and threw the sheets to the floor to discourage my nose from trying to smell them again. “No, it’s definitely not pee.” I saw the smile on his face and it took me a few more seconds to put all the puzzle pieces together. “Oh, shit,” I whispered as soon as I caught the wave he was already riding.
“Babe, your water broke.”
“Holy shit.”
“Stop swearing. The baby can hear you,” he said with a warm smile, joking with me.
“Oh my God.”