Never Always Sometimes

“Wow, moving up to Skype dates, huh?”

 

 

Julia couldn’t contain her smile. Dave understood more than anything Julia’s affection for her mom, though as long as he’d known her that affection had been tinged with disappointment, with longing. He could see the way it colored everything she did. The Nevers list had been written with her in mind, he knew, and it was now being acted out for her. Like a girl at the edge of the pool, refusing to dive in until Mommy looked, Julia wanted her mom’s attention. He would never say anything like that out loud. But it made him protective of Julia, of the next disappointment her mom would inevitably deliver. While Dave had nuggets of bittersweet memories of his own mom to return to and occasionally talk about with his dad—the day they’d all gone to the harbor, rented a boat on a whim, the fine white mist of the ocean rising up the sides of the boat—Julia had nothing of her mother to hold close. There was no past life that included her; there was only the longing for her. It was the only thing she’d ever had.

 

Later that night, Julia set up her computer on the kitchen island, chatting excitedly with her mom. Her mom had the same radiant blue eyes as Julia, and her hair was mostly auburn, with the odd gray hair shimmering in the light of her Mexico City living room. She wore a silver ring in her nose, and every now and then a guy would cross the room behind her, though she didn’t acknowledge his presence. Dave stood by the fridge, rummaging through mounds of Tupperware, opening each one, taking a taste, then leaving a Post-it for Tom and Ethan with his thoughts.

 

“What’s with the hair, Jules?”

 

“You like it?” Julia said, tugging a tress down in front of her face. “I did it ironically. We did Dave’s hair, too, but it turned out not so well.” She went on to explain the Nevers, all they’d done for it and all that was still to do. Dave listened, wincing at the naked longing in Julia’s voice, hoping that Julia’s mom wouldn’t disapprove, because he didn’t want Julia to lose interest. For whatever reason, without the Nevers Dave pictured things with Gretchen fizzling out, a return to normalcy that no longer included anyone outside him and Julia.

 

“Where are those fathers of yours? I wanna say hi,” Julia’s mother cut in, without any comment on the Nevers. Dave watched Julia try to hide the disappointment that, for him, was so clear to see. “I miss their faces. Plus, I have a little proposition for them.”

 

“They’re out. They’ve been stressed ’cause of restaurant stuff, so they went out to watch a movie and have ice cream. What’s the proposition? I’m pretty much the head of the household anyway.”

 

Julia’s mom’s laugh was throaty; it sounded like a few decades’ worth of cigarette smoke. “Very well, then, head of the household. I’m thinking about coming to visit.”

 

“Fuckin’ do it!” Julia said, her mood bouncing back immediately. Her legs started jittering, as if she were trying to keep the excitement offscreen.

 

“Nothing’s for sure yet. But I miss the Bay Area and there are some events on the West Coast this summer that I want to go to. I figured that, if it was okay with your dads, I’d come hang out for a week or so. Near the end of the school year.”

 

“Ooh! Are you going to be my prom date?”

 

“Easy tiger.” Julia’s mom laughed again. “I was thinking sometime around graduation. I have no interest in going to the event itself, because commencement speeches are the worst thing in the world. But maybe the after-party. Do your dads let you party?”

 

“I let myself party.”

 

“How Beastie Boys of you. Good. E-mail me about dates and stuff so I don’t forget, and I’ll keep in touch. Again, no promises. But I do wanna see you. I gotta run, kiddo.”

 

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