VIRAL
“IN ALL THE years you’ve known me, have I ever even hinted at the possibility that I could perform a double backflip off the roof and land safely on my feet?”
“There’ve been some hints.”
“No, Julia.”
“Well, I don’t hear you coming up with any ideas, baldy. All we have right now is ‘Hi, I’m Dave Gutierrez,’ which isn’t even your real name. If we don’t add some excitement, this promotional video is only going to promote how uninteresting you are.”
“That hurt,” Dave said, plopping down on his bed. “Why don’t we just make some really badass posters?”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that. And there’s no such thing as badass posters. A poster’s not gonna win you the crown. The people want sexy viral videos, and sexy viral videos we will give them.”
Dave picked up a little stuffed soccer ball that he’d had since he was little and had never thrown away because his mom had gotten it for him. He tossed it up a few times, trying to get it to graze the ceiling. “Why don’t we switch? You run for prom queen and I’ll try to seduce a teacher.”
“You’re not stealing Marroney away from me.” Julia took a seat at Dave’s desk and searched the Internet for some more prom king campaign videos. “So far, the basic trend I’m seeing here is a halfhearted attempt at being funny and low production value. Pop culture references, pop music, friends that are really bad actors. The occasional ‘cool’ teacher cameo and school inside jokes.” She spun around to face Dave and propped her feet up on the corner of his bed, placing his computer on her lap. Her soles were permanently gray and callused and Dave loved the sight of them, even if they were, objectively speaking, gross. “Some of these are seriously awful. If ours is this bad I don’t care how many people vote for you, we’re committing seppuku at graduation.”
“That might be an overreaction.” He sat up, his back against the headboard, rolling the soccer ball back and forth on the bed until a bad spin caused it to fall to the ground. “I hate to admit it, but we might need Brett’s help.”
“Now you’re talking. To think like them we have to associate with their kind.”
“Your word choice has been concerning lately. You sound vaguely fascist.” Julia stared him down and Dave sighed. “Throw me my phone, I’ll see if I can bribe Brett with pizza to get him to help us out.”
Julia reached for his phone on his desk and tossed it at him, then turned her attention back to prom campaign videos. He wasn’t quite used to the pink hair yet, but her face was still as beautiful as it always had been. Sometimes, Dave wondered if maybe he saw more beauty in it than others did, if it was love alone that attracted him to her. Why other guys weren’t constantly chasing after her was impossible to understand, though it wasn’t something he questioned either. Sure, she’d seen a couple of guys over the last few years. But she did not receive the kind of attention he thought she deserved.
“How many times do you think I can use ‘bro’ in one text without him thinking I’m making fun of him?”
“Two, tops.” She brought her index finger to her mouth and absentmindedly chewed on her nail. “Actually, he might get offended if you don’t ‘bro’ him a few times.”
“‘Hey, bro. Julia and I are doing this prom king stuff and need your help, bro... .’ Ugh, I already want to punch myself in the face.”
He deleted the message, checked his e-mail and social media, then opened up the text function again and retyped the message as it was. “Wouldn’t it be interesting if every text message you received told you how many times it’d been edited before being sent?”
Julia shivered. “Don’t talk about that stuff. It makes me get existential.”