Sinking into the pillows around her, Julia let loose. She covered her face with her palm, tasting tears, struggling to breathe normally. “Song for Zula” by Phosphorescent was playing through the earphone she still had in. It was a fitting song; it made her heaving gasps for breath feel justified.
She could have reached out to her dads, or maybe even to Brett, or to the dozen other people who’d surprised her in quiet ways since the Nevers began. Apparently, she could even have reached out to Marroney, who was maybe a perfectly cliché math teacher, but had heart enough to ask her if she was okay. Her mom would probably make fun of him like Julia had, but her mom was kind of an asshole, and Julia was done wanting to be like her.
By the time the song played out, Julia had regained some control. She looked up at Marroney, who did not look frightened or uncomfortable.
“No,” she said finally, chuckling to keep something else from taking over again. “I’m not okay. I guess I wasn’t hiding it too well.”
“I only started worrying when you stopped joking around.” He shifted his weight, putting a foot up against the wall and struggling not to lose his balance. “And just now, I guess.”
“Maybe I just ran out of material,” she said.
“If that ever happened, I’d really be worried about you.”
“I will take that as a compliment.” Julia removed her second earphone and wrapped the cord carefully around her phone, slipping it in her bag and knowing that it would be a knotted mess when she pulled it back out. “You really want to know?”
“Please.”
Julia wiped her cheeks dry. “You remember the only guy at the Broken Bean who was more embarrassed than you were by my performance?”
“Dave. Your friend.”
“Yeah, my friend.” She sighed and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them close for comfort. “The gist of it is, I’m in love with him and it’s not going to work out.”
Marroney nodded, looking down at his lap. He ran his forefinger and thumb over his mustache. “It’s always hard to tell whether you kids are bored or in love. I guess it’s about fifty-fifty, but I can’t ever tell. I figure that most of the time I’m over-romanticizing, since I was your age when I met my fiancée.”
Julia felt a flush of embarrassment that she hadn’t even paused to consider Marroney’s personal life when she did all those things to “seduce” him. “I hope she didn’t see the cupcakes.”
“Oh, worse than that, she was at the coffee shop.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He seemed to consider this for a second and then shook his head. “It’s not okay. But, you know. Don’t worry about it. Tell me more about Dave.”
Julia rested her head back against the wall. “Typical high school drama. Love unrequited, other women, sex on the beach.” She felt herself blushing immediately. “Sorry.”
Marroney chuckled through his own blushing. “I’ve gotten good at taking what you say with a grain of salt, so we’ll pretend that was just a joke. Let’s stick to the emotions and leave out physical descriptions.”
“I don’t know what to say. The emotions are not good.”