“How do you like Aubrey?’ I ask as I look over the menu. I’ve had the pleasure of working with her a few times, and as much as I hate to admit it, I like her and can see her fitting in very well with us. The question is; can Liam play nice with Nick?
“I really like her,” Josie says as she looks up from her menu. “She really complements Nick.”
“How are things with Nick?”
Josie sets her menu down just as the waiter appears at our table. After he’s taken our order, I look at her, waiting for her response.
“Things are good. Noah’s happy that he’s back and that’s important. Liam is being good and that makes me happy.”
“What you and Liam have done for Nick is very commendable.”
Josie dips her head. “I think it makes Liam uncomfortable though. When Noah went to Nick’s last week, Liam locked himself away in the studio.”
I reach for her hand and hold it in mine. “It can’t be easy for him, but he’s trying. He’s doing what’s best for his son.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
I release her hand and pick up my iced-tea.
“You know Liam and Harrison are in Los Angeles getting restraining orders against Sam and Alicia, right?”
I fight the sigh that is building. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Why not?” she asks. “Liam created a child with that woman, and I’m still with him. If you listened to what Harrison told you - and I know you did because you’ve repeated it to me - why not talk to him? Even Liam said that those photographs were doctored.”
“It’s not that easy, Josie. Everything with him was so intense and I found myself making excuses to see him. He shouldn’t be my focus.”
“You’re right, Katelyn, he shouldn’t be; but you should be your focus and he was making you happy. You were smiling and laughing. I’m sorry, but that man is perfect for you and the girls and you won’t find anyone better than him.”
“Josie…”
Josie sighs and leans forward. “I love you like a sister, but I think your mind is clouded here. I believe in my heart that he’s been faithful to you and the girls. Why would he move here if he was with Alicia? Think about it, Katelyn, her story doesn’t match up to what we know. I wish I was thinking clearly when she was telling us her story because I would’ve called her out on the crap, but I was shocked, just like you. But now that I’ve had time to think about it, and we know about everything that Sam has done, I have no doubt it was a set-up to hurt Harrison, and it did just that. Just don’t let it continue to hurt both of you.”
I pick up my napkin and dab my eyes. I don’t know why I’m crying, maybe it’s because Josie is yelling at me. I know it’s not because she’s right or that I miss Harrison. That’s just not possible.
I swipe away the fallen leaves from Mason’s headstone. My fingers find the grooves of his name and trace them. The Christmas tree the girls brought last week is still standing, despite the windy days we’ve been having. I straighten a few of the bulbs before setting my blanket down.
“It’s hard to come here, but I think you know that. I know your dad finds it harder and harder to visit, but the girls make him come. They don’t ask me though, and I’m not sure how I should feel about that. They miss you so much, Mason and I do too. Our lives are so different than they were a year and half ago.”
I sit down and look at his name. His mom is buried next to him, and his dad, when his time comes, will be buried next to her. Mason and I never bought plots or even made a will because we never thought anything would happen to us. Yet, here I am about to ask my dead husband what I should do.
“I met someone. Everyone tells me that you’d want me to move on, but it’s so hard to believe that you would. I remember how jealous you would get if someone would talk to me, so it’s hard to imagine you’d be okay with me loving someone else.
“I tried to be with Harrison. That’s his name. He’s a friend of Liam’s; they’re in the band together. The girls love him and he treats them really well, but I can’t help but think you wouldn’t be okay with this. How am I supposed to know that you’re okay with me bringing another man into my life? Into the girls’ lives?
“I need a sign, Mason. I need something to show me that you want me to move on. That it’s okay to love someone else, because right now, I’m set to be all myself if that’s what would make you happy.”
I lie down on my blanket and look at the clouds. The day is gray and overcast. I turn on my side and run my hands over the grass that covers his casket. “Tell me what to do Mason and I’ll do it. You hold my heart, and I’m so afraid to give it to someone else without your approval.”