I step off the bus just as Katelyn pulls into the driveway. I don’t hesitate. I jog to her car just as she opens the backseat to pull out one of the twins. The only way I can tell them apart is by the way they are dressed. I go around to the other side and open the back door. Peyton is out cold in her booster seat, her football tucked underneath her arm. I’m not sure how sleeping with a football can be comfortable, but it was her dad’s so I understand.
I look over at Katelyn who stops unbuckling Elle when I reach for Peyton’s buckle. I smile at her because frankly, I don’t know what else to do when it comes to her. She doesn’t smile or show any type of recognition whatsoever. To say I’m confused is an understatement. If I was Liam, she would’ve smiled, winked and probably blew him a damn kiss as a thank you.
But not me, I get nothing but a blank stare. And that is something I want to change.
I maneuver the seatbelt around Peyton’s head and let her fall into my arms. She doesn’t wake when I pick her up and I’m careful to make sure she doesn’t drop her football. I remember what it was like when Quinn was little and he’d lose his blanket. I’ve been on the receiving end of night terrors and endless tears and Peyton doesn’t need that right now, and neither does Katelyn.
With Peyton in my arms, I wait for Katelyn to pick up Elle. I can hear Katelyn grunt as she lifts her and I wish I would’ve taken Peyton to the bus and come back for Elle, but I have a feeling Katelyn is used to doing things on her own now. It can’t be easy being a single mom of twins, especially when they still need you so much.
As soon as she has Elle in her arms, I lead us to the bus. It’s dark, but I know my way around. The door to the girls’ bunkroom is open. I set Peyton down on the bottom, putting her at one end of the bed and stepping aside to let Katelyn bring Elle in. The space is small on the bus and I use this to my advantage. When Katelyn brushes against me, I have to fight every urge to take Elle out of her hands and show Katelyn what my room looks like.
But I don’t get that opportunity because she steps away. Her head drops, turning slightly as she looks at me. I pull my arm back, away from hers and step out of the room. I need to get off this bus. Instead, I sit and lean my head back, closing my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to be next to her for such a long time. We are going to be in the same space, day after day and night after night, never apart unless we have different errands to run. Our friends are together, keeping us together. Sometimes I wonder why I moved to Beaumont. Was it because of the instant connection I felt with her on the first night we met? I tell myself it wasn’t. That moving here was for Quinn and the band and to have an easier life. That having her here is just an added bonus.
When I hear her shut the girls’ door, I pull my beanie down. I know she’s standing next to me. I’m sulking like a child, a habit I’ve picked up from Quinn. He loves to sit in our recliner and pull his hat over his eyes, ignoring me until I give in. I always give in. I don’t want her to see the confusion in my eyes. The desperation I hold for her. I don’t want her to know she has me by the balls and can string me along like a puppet.
I want to move my hat, but she’ll move as soon as I do, so I stay still and pretend to sleep just so she’ll stand there longer. I feel the chair move as if she’s leaning over it, trying to figure out if I’m truly asleep or not. Her breathing is normal, in and out. Her perfume is strong. I know she put it on before she came here. If I was standing behind her, I’d breathe in deeply just so I can smell her coconut and lime shampoo, a scent that I now love because it reminds me of her.
“What are you doing?” It’s Josie. I know I should show them I’m awake, but I’m curious about what they are going to say. I’ve officially become the lowest form of a man. I should be ashamed of myself. I’m not. I’m evil and desperate for a sign on how to get through to her.
“I was just putting the girls in their bunk.”
“And now?”
“Now… I’m… I don’t…” I’m trying to slow down my breathing, but the fact that Katelyn is stumbling over her words excites me. Do I do this to her?
“You know it’s okay to date. Mason would want you to move on.”
I want to jump up and kiss Josie right now, I do. Even if it means Liam would kick my ass, it’d be worth it.
“It’s too early.”
“It’s been a year.”
“No it hasn’t. It’s been ten months. That’s two months shy of a year. Besides, you waited for three when Liam left you.”
Josie sets something down and moves closer. At least I think she does.
“Liam left me, Katelyn, he didn’t die. I waited because I prayed he was coming back. There’s a difference.”