Chapter Nine
With that he beat his tail, his eyes began to flame;
I might perceive his noble heart much moved by the same.
~Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey
Night of July 1, 1536
“My lady, I must have a word with you.” Anthony stood close, his frenzied words whispered.
“Sir, this is entirely inappropriate, should Edward—”
His hand came up quickly, his finger pressed to my lips. “Not another word.” With that, he gripped my arm and steered me down the opposite direction from the other courtiers. I looked about frantically, hoping someone would call out to us, praying for Edward to turn and yell for Anthony to take his hands off my person, but before all that could happen, we melted into the shadows as if we’d never existed. Calling out now would only draw attention and I had no desire to bring shame to my family.
Anthony opened a door and ushered me inside. The room was dark, black and smelled musty. A storeroom of some type, and it only brought back a flood of memories. Surrey. Pain. Shame. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing the tremors to subside. This was not Surrey, but Anthony. A man who, for the most part, I trusted.
“Pray forgive me, Anne.”
I opened my eyes and could barely see the outline of his form. His fingers slid up the length of my arms and gripped me at the elbows. His breaths were shallow, hitched, and then even.
“This is unseemly. Let go of me.”
He let go of my arms and walked away. “’Twas not my desire to put you in this position. I know how dangerous it is to sneak about, but it was imperative I get word to you.”
My skin burned where he’d touched me. My chest ached from holding my breath.
I breathed deeply of the musty air and tried not to cough from the staleness. “On with it then, sir. What is it you need to relay to me?” I tried to sound as if our relationship was purely business, as if I never thought of him in intimate ways. Did he believe me?
Anthony’s soft chuckle was the only answer I needed. He did not.
He came forward again, only inches away. “I admire your spirit, Anne. But someday both of us will lose this game of desire. Don’t fight it. We’re on the same team.”
I ignored his comments, knowing deep inside the validity they held. Part of me wanted to lose. To lie in his arms. But to do so would have been to risk too much.
At his resigned sigh, I knew he understood I would not give his desires credence.
“I’ve just had word from the north. They are planning something. With the king’s dissolution of the monasteries, the people are bursting with anger, pain. They feel as if the king is shunning God himself.”
“That is preposterous. The king seeks only to take the rule of the church from a man in Rome. He himself is ordained by God to rule his people. Why not be the second-in-command of the Lord’s word?” It felt preposterous even coming from my own lips.
“You need not preach to me, madam. I am well aware of the truths our king so humbly lays before his people. I am but a messenger. And it is far worse than we may think.”
“How so?”
“The people are rallying behind Lady Mary. They want to put her on the throne and oust her own father. What’s more, my own brother came to me in a flurry this morning to tell me he’d heard rumors of a plot to murder the Duke Richmond.”
I gasped. “’Tis impossible! The king’s own son? Who would do such a thing?” Yet, inside my mind, I knew any number of people who would.
“My guess is Cromwell. He is a jealous man and is afraid that Richmond, now grown older, stronger, popular with the people, may demand a place in the succession, perhaps raise his own army.”
I jolted. Cromwell, again? The man would see everyone close to Henry dead if he could.
“Does the king know?”
“Not yet,” he whispered and came closer. In the dark, I could see his head move to examine the door, perhaps checking for shadows underneath the frame. At court, there was never a lack for spies, and it was possible at least one of them skulking about had seen us enter the room.
My eyes finally adjusted to the dark, lightening the shadows. When he turned back to face me, his lips were only an inch away from mine. My heart thudded, felt like it flipped, constricted. Suddenly, my mouth was dry, my lips chapped. I licked them in an effort for relief.
I backed away, but his arms reached out around my waist and pulled me back. “Do not,” he murmured, his lips pressed to my forehead. “Do not pull away this time.”
A sense of panic seized me. I could not move, could not breathe. My heart beat so rapidly, at any moment it might burst, killing me instantly. And I almost hoped for such a sweet death.
I tried to suck in a breath, but my swollen throat rebelled. With Anthony, though we were mired in politics loving him gained neither of us anything more than a small piece of joy. And I wanted that joy, wanted something only for myself that I could clutch to my chest forever. Not share. Anthony knew nothing of my past. Of my ruination and Edward’s saving me. I was not tainted in Anthony’s eyes. Not beholden to him for anything.
Meanwhile, he pleaded with me, his lips murmuring whispers over the bridge of my nose, to my cheeks, my chin. I was unable to move, limbs locked, and could only let his lips traveling over my flesh continue. No! Anne, no! Stop him! my mind shouted at me. But there was nothing I could do. I let him, almost going limp as I succumbed to his kisses, and then his mouth hovered over mine. The torment of waiting was almost too much. I had to taste him, despite the angel on my shoulder yelling no. Despite the husband who waited for me in my chambers. The desire was too much, the need to feel his lips on mine too strong.
I pressed forward, connecting my lips to his. My stomach twisted and turned as I did so, and I knew how wrong and utterly forbidden this was. We stayed that way for a breath, not kissing, just mouths pressed together. And then passion took over. Our heads slanted this way and that, mouths pressed, lips opened, tongues thrusting. It was a heated, hungry kiss, one that had been waiting in the foreground for weeks to come. A starving man come to a feast. We tasted of each other, he of sweet wine mixed with the pears of my dinner. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he grasped my hips, pulling me against him. Wantonly, I rubbed my body against his. I wanted to be one with him, to be so close that one could not tell where one began and the other started.
The click of boot heels outside the door shocked us both back to reality, else I know we’d have lain on the floor and let desire take its course. I swiftly yanked back. What in God’s name was I thinking? Never before had I allowed such passion to take over. The loyalty I prided in having for my husband abandoned me. I pulled away and smoothed my skirts, grateful he hadn’t had the need to run his hands through my hair and ruined my coiffure. We waited until the sound of footsteps passed, both of us breathing heavily.
“I cannot live without you,” Anthony murmured, coming close once more. “I’ve never met a woman like you, Anne. You’re so passionate about everything. Even your kiss makes me feel as though I’ve died and gone to heaven. You’re everything a man could desire. Strength, beauty, intelligence, and so desirable. Don’t push me away, Anne. Be my lover.”
I stepped back, hands out to ward him off. I shook my head. “No, Anthony. No. This was a mistake.” But even as I said the words, I doubted them. He made me feel like I was soaring. So forbidden and yet so enticing. Not even Edward made me feel the way Anthony did. But he didn’t know the real me. Didn’t know the past I kept hidden. I could not let my base desires rule, trump over my plans to rise in the realm.
“Can you not see we were meant for each other?”
“It was one kiss, sir. And not something we shall repeat.” How had I let this get so out of control?
His breath came out in a whoosh. “Pray forgive me, my lady. I let my desires get away from me.”
But it was not only him. I let him, wanted him, too. “As did I,” I admitted softly.
“I know you better than you think, my lady. But you are also a woman in need of someone to stroke her feminine side. Someone to desire your company not for what you can bring them, or what they did for you, but because they desire to be by your side.” He paused, sucked in a breath. “I’d set aside my wife if it were possible to put you in her place.”
His words struck deep. For companionship not weighed down with debts was the one thing I did desire. A true and free love. But wanting something as frivolous as that was na?ve and ridiculous. And he was talking about setting aside a wife, just as our king had done. Just as I feared Edward might one day do with me. I shook my head. Unwilling to continue speaking on it further.
Love was for peasants, and even they could not always put food on the table. What I had for Edward was real enough. We respected each other, and while we did not while away our days singing and reading poems, I did believe we had a high level of love for one another.
Anthony came closer. “Let me love you, Anne. Without fear of being beholden to me, or I to you. Just two people partaking in the joys of each other.”
His words dripped like honey, sweet and tantalizing, and while I let his enticement wash over me, somehow he pulled me into his embrace again, his breath against my neck. I shivered, my flesh rippling with errant yearning.
“No,” I nearly shouted. “I must go.” Edward was waiting for me, and if I supplicated to my desire and Anthony tonight, my husband would know.
Anthony nodded. “I will come to you tomorrow, while Edward meets with the king.”
I hadn’t known of their meeting, but I did not doubt it would happen. I did not acknowledge Anthony’s promise to come to me, for doing so would have been to ask for it. If he came, I would be there, and if he wanted to kiss me again, I wasn’t certain I could deny him.
The shadows danced particularly overmuch tonight as I passed through one corridor after another on my way to my chambers. I encountered no one outside the door to the storage room Sir Anthony had pulled me into, but that did not mean that no one saw us. We exited one at a time, myself first, as I was eager to get back to my own private apartments.
As if proving my point, long slim fingers thrust from the darkness of the corridor and gripped my arm, tugging me into an empty alcove.
“What in heaven’s name are you doing?” My mother’s shrill hiss resounded in my ear.
I disengaged her fingers from my arm, my flesh tender and bruised where she’d gripped me, and thrust my chin upward. “Pardon me?”
Her eyes narrowed and darted about, searching for something or someone. “I saw you. I waited after the king dismissed everyone to find you. I saw you with him.”
What could I say? My spine straightened to the point I thought it might snap. I could not deny it. “And what exactly do you think you saw?” I kept my voice civil, despite wanting to explode. Why did she and Page have to return to court?
“I saw a lover’s tryst,” she spat.
I made something of a disgusted snort, my hands folding in front of my pelvis in a way that made me appear overly relaxed. “You must be jesting, Mother.”
“I make no jests about it. You sully your already tarnished reputation. Lucky for you, Beauchamp would have you when no other man would. I do not know why I bribed that bastard Surrey to keep quiet about your wantonness. You cannot keep your legs closed. Perhaps I should approach him and tell him his discretion is no longer needed, then all of court will know of your wickedness. They will know you are not the proud Lady Anne you portray, but another court whore. It shall bring you down to your knees where you belong, praying for your sins.” She sucked in her breath and straightened taller, as if trying to tower over me as she had when I was a child. Her eyes narrowed. “Tell me what you were doing with that man.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, drawing blood to keep from shouting at her. How much I despised the very air she breathed. Made fists to keep from wiping the scowl from her face with my nails, clawing away at the cruel words that spilled from her lips like venom from a snake. “The man I just spoke to is working for Lord Beauchamp, Mother. He had news to relay to me that was not suitable for… lesser ears.” My point was made, that his words were not for her but for me alone, and that she was not as powerful as I was at court. Despite her threats. I would not, could not, let her see how her vile words affected me.
She stepped back as if I had physically slapped her. “Be careful, Daughter. There are many ears and eyes that dance along King Henry’s walls. Your stepfather has yet to be called before the king again. The travel back and forth from our lodgings to court is hindering our cause. Do you not recall what is at stake?” She flicked her gaze about, her paranoia clear. “You, too, might find yourself ousted from court. No matter who your sister-by-marriage is. I have glossed over your indiscretions in the past, and I shan’t do it again.”
Her words may have been a threat, but the woman wouldn’t dare ruin her own chances at climbing higher within court. Before I could respond, she slinked away and disappeared into the shadows.
Then her last words struck home. Indiscretions. Fury bubbled to the surface, and I stifled a scream. My fingernails dug deep into my palms. Indiscretions! Forsooth, she would never view Surrey’s rape and abuse of my body as anything other than my own fault on account of my dirty and whorish disposition! In her mind, and that of Sir Richard Page, I was the one to blame. And with Sir Anthony, I was. But not with Surrey.
My hands came up, and I slapped at the stone wall, my teeth grinding. “Bitch!” I slapped again harder, and harder, until my palms stung and my hair hung loose around my shoulders. My breathing was heavy, and my heart pounded against my ribs.
Slowly I came back to myself and realized where I was. A passing groomsman scurried away. Stoically, I smoothed my skirts and hair, taking deep, cleansing breaths.
I had lost my temper, and in a corridor! I crossed myself and walked quietly away, praying no one had born witness to it.
“My lady, I have been waiting for you,” Edward stated upon my return to our chambers.
“My apologies, husband, I had need of privacy.” Hopefully, he would take my statement for what it was and not ask what type of privacy I’d needed, or else I was prepared to tell him I’d run into Sir Anthony and tell him what he’d said. But I’d take our kiss to the grave.
“Do not apologize. I have not been waiting long. Come have a glass of wine. I have news for which I seek your counsel.”
I strode to the empty hearth where Edward poured us each a healthy goblet of wine. We clinked glasses, took a sip and then I sat in one of our low-back mahogany chairs. Despite the embroidered cushion, I still could not seem to get comfortable.
“The Marquess and Marchioness of Exeter are due back to court imminently. They had speech with His Majesty earlier today, and promised to inform the king of all news regarding Pole’s uprising.”
“Did they reveal Pole’s whereabouts?”
“Indeed, they did.” Edward sat down and stretched his long legs out before him. “Our place is even more secure.”
“This is most excellent news.” My voice was even, surprising me, for inside I still shook. I took a healthy sip of potent wine.
“I thought you’d agree.” Edward gave me a lopsided grin.
I sat up straighter. Why did he have to be charming when I felt so guilty? “And what of Lady Salisbury and Lord Montague?” How must they feel for betraying their own relation’s location to Lady Exeter?
“Lady Salisbury will be employed as a governess to the king’s youngest daughter, Lady Elizabeth. Lord Montague has the good fortune to return to court and serve His Majesty in the privy chamber.”
“The closer to court the better for His Majesty to keep his eye on them?”
“Exactly.” Edward smiled at me knowingly. He leaned forward and brushed a stray lock from my face. “I adore how your mind works.”
My insides burned with shame. I could not allow him to treat me so lovingly when I had kissed another man so brazenly an hour before. “What is it you seek my counsel on?”
“The king has charged me—not Cromwell—with sending two men out to find Pole and disperse of him.” Edward’s face filled with pride.
“I assumed he would need to exact punishment on Pole.”
“You are well acquainted with the men at court. What think you of Sir Nicholas Carew and Sir John Russell?” Edward asked.
I felt like squirming. I could not help but wonder at his meaning to my being acquainted with the men at court, but instead I thought on his query. “Sir John was once a formidable man, and undoubtedly he still is, but I think you might take a man more sprite of foot. Sir Francis Bryan comes to mind.”
“Ah, yes, the pirate!” He clapped his hands once with excitement. “I should have thought of him outright. ’Tis why I seek counsel from my clever wife.”
Guilt riddled me, nausea flooding me. I would not allow Sir Anthony entrance on the morrow. I forced laughter at Edward’s enthusiasm, even though on the inside I wanted to put on a cilice as punishment for my sins. “Happy to oblige you, husband.”
July 2, 1536
Why did pacing seem to calm a person’s nerves?
I did not know the answer, only that wearing a path in the hard oak floor of my presence chamber did in fact make me feel somewhat better.
Edward had left for a council meeting with the king not ten minutes earlier. With him, a plea to find my mother and stepfather rooms at court. I prayed that this time the king would show mercy. The threats stacking against me were becoming more than I could bear.
The sun shone high in the sky, and I had flung open the windows in an effort to breathe fresh air, but the only air seeping through the open portal was humid and hot.
Would Sir Anthony arrive soon? I hoped he’d had a change of heart. Upon leaving, Edward said he’d be meeting with the council and then had business to attend to, and he would see me that evening for a private dinner in our chambers.
I dismissed the servants, with instructions not to return until just before dinner, just in case...
A knock at the door had me jumping slightly as I spun around. Sir Anthony. No! I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself and walked toward the door, stopping to angle a vase of red and white roses just so, in an effort to still my trembling fingers.
When I opened the door, a groomsman stood in the hallway.
“My lady, I’ve been asked to deliver this to you.” He handed me a parchment, bowed and then disappeared down the hall.
I closed the door and tore open the non-descript wax-sealed note.
My lady,
Should it please you, I wish to impart on you that which was promised. I am able to receive you at your leisure in my office.
Ever your humble servant,
Sir Anthony Browne
My fingers trembled, the paper crinkling. I curled it up into a ball and tossed it into the hearth, lighting it with flint to burn the evidence of my indiscretion. What did it mean? I couldn’t go. Had to remain behind. I spent the next hour pacing another mile into the wooden floor.
Once the letter had turned to ashes, I left my room. My destination… Sir Anthony’s office. My steps were quick, then slow, then quick, and I constantly turned to see who was watching, which darkened alcoves held roving eyes. Luckily, I passed through the castle without incident. I had to reiterate to him there was nothing between us. That our kiss was a mistake I regretted. And this was not something I could do in a letter, God forbid it be intercepted.
His office was inside his suite of rooms within the castle, and after only one knock, the door opened an inch. His hand grasped my wrist, and he propelled me inside, slamming the door behind us.
Gripped in his arms, he dipped me low in a playful manner and kissed me soundly on the lips. But I did not feel playful. I nearly choked on my breath. This was not why I had come! Was I only lying to myself? I could have simply sent him a missive that said, No.
“I had doubts about whether you’d arrive,” he said.
I stood, wholly enthralled yet confused at the same time. I could not allow him to think I came to tryst. I straightened up and pulled from his arms.
“I was not entirely set on the matter, sir.”
I stepped away, taking in the simple décor of his room. A few paintings adorned the walls, a large iron cross on one oak-paneled wall, and a marble statue of a man embracing a woman.
“And, yet, here you are.” He followed behind me, plucking pins from my hair and attempting to disarm me of my headdress.
I whirled around, stopping him from undressing me further. “I came for the information you promised. Not to kiss. That was a mistake. One we won’t be repeating.”
Anthony frowned, and huffed a breath. “The uprising shall be diffused. The Duke of Richmond shall be protected.”
“How can you be certain?” I asked.
“I told Lord Beauchamp of the news myself this morning. The Privy Council will meet on the matter, and your lord husband will go north to quell the anger of England’s people. He will tell them the Lady Mary is coming back to court.”
I pursed my lips, irritated that he’d taken the information to my husband himself. If he told Edward, why did he need to tell me? Was that his plan? To push Edward away, so he could have me to himself? Nay, I would not allow it. I would go north with Edward this time. “And Richmond?” If he were murdered, the Seymours would be blamed for we were the only ones with anything to gain from his death.
“I sent word to the young duke of what I heard. He is intelligent, strong, and has his own guard. He will protect himself.”
I nodded, glad to have us safe from that scandal.
“Now… A kiss?” Anthony came up beside me, his fingers trailing up my back.
I shook my head, determined not to give in this time. Last night had been a moment’s lapse in sanity, and now I knew better. I shouldn’t have come. My husband was a formidable man, and I did not wish to ere on the wrong side of his liking. As much as I wanted to be free, if only for an afternoon, I wanted to remain in my position more, to garner a place among royalty for my own children, whenever God saw fit to bless me with them.
“Only a kiss, my lady. I wish to taste the sweetness of your lips once more. To be whisked away to paradise again by the softness of your mouth and the passion of your kiss.”
When he put it so romantically, I could only think that one kiss would not hurt. He made it sound like a poem, a story and not true life. And despite my resignation to stay true to Edward, after last night’s indulgence I so wanted to feel his lips on mine, taste the sweetness of his mouth, let him run his fingers through my hair. To surrender to the madness of it.
“Yes.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized it, and my hand came up to my lips, shocked that I had uttered them. No!
Anthony’s lids lowered, and a slow sensual smile spread on his lips. He was as pleased with my answer as I was shocked. But before he could reach for me, I turned and rushed toward a chair, sitting straight-backed, my gaze on the floor.
“I do not know why I said that. I cannot kiss you, sir. I love my husband.”
Anthony came forward. “But you love me, too.”
It was a bold statement, one as a lady I was inclined to take offense to.
“And my darling, vicious little Anne, I love thee.” His words were soft and quickly spoken. We barely knew each other. How was it that in only a few weeks, one kiss, and little whispered conversations, feelings of such magnitude could take hold? Apprehension gripped me.
Anthony got down on his knees before me; my eyes widened at his boldness. He leaned up, hands braced on the arms of the chair, his chest pressed to my knees, and brushed his lips against mine. I pushed against his chest.
“No,” I whispered half-heartedly. But he pushed gently back.
At first, it was a gentle kiss, the testing of our two wills, but then the kiss consumed me. I spread my knees so his chest fell between them, and his hands came up to cup my face, his tongue swift and fast as it darted against my parted lips.
More delicious than our kiss of last night, which had been hungry, full of desire, passion, this kiss was of surrender. We let go of our two worlds, and it was only the two of us, doing something that could land us in our graves, and yet the taste was so sweet both of us were willing to risk it.
Shame sliced through me, but I shoved it aside like an unwanted royal bastard… My entire life thus far had consisted of giving to others. This moment I was taking for myself—just this moment. And no more.
“Oh, Anne…” Anthony murmured.
Oh, vicious and cruel world, how a weak moment could shake up everything. How one kiss could rock me to the core and a fleeting cruel word from Edward could push me into the arms of another. I knew at that moment, one kiss would not do.
A knock at the door interrupted us, and I barely had enough time to smooth down my skirts and attempt to replace my hair pins and Anthony to straighten out his wrinkled doublet, before my brother Richard Stanhope barged through the door.
My heart, which moments ago had raced, now stopped completely. He looked from one of us to the other, a knowing look coming over his countenance as he no doubt took in my disheveled hair and redness of my cheeks and came to his own conclusions.
“Sister…” he drawled. Then his eyes narrowed as his gaze turned to Anthony. “What’s this, sir?”
“It is not as it seems, I assure you,” I rushed to speak, coming forward to stand between the two men.
Anthony’s chest puffed out as did my brother’s. For a brief moment, I feared they would duel.
“Appearances are rarely deceiving, I have learned,” Richard replied, his lips turned down in a frown. He inclined his head, a calculating glint entering his eyes. “I shall see you at the next Privy Council meeting, Sir Anthony?”
Anthony ran a hand through his hair. “I cannot conceive of how, since you are not a member of the Privy Council, sir.”
My stomach dropped, for I knew exactly where this conversation was headed. And, yet, I was not too altogether displeased, for my brother had inadvertently saved me from succumbing to desire, a mistake of the utmost.
“Precisely, my good sir.” Richard’s hand moved to the sword at his hip. “And I am most confident you shall endeavor to remedy that by eventide.” With a nod in Anthony’s direction, he turned to me. “Sister, I shall escort you back to Her Majesty, who is most likely in need of your service.”
I did not argue but nodded my head and gripped Richard’s elbow.
“Richard—”
“Do not speak of it, Anne. I shan’t say a word. Anthony will see me on the council, and you shall see me married to a lady of some rank and value.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the bile from rising in my throat. My whole world was quickly becoming consumed by those who would see me about their favors.
A world that I was quickly losing control of—with no one to blame but myself.
July 12, 1536
I had spent the whole of the previous day in bed, with the exception of those times I had run to the chamber pot to toss up my accounts.
My maids had hovered over me, and Edward had stayed away, fearing I was plagued with some deadly illness he dare not pass on to the king or queen.
This morning was not much better, but at least the dizziness had passed. I attended Mass and then took to my rooms for a respite before I was to join the other ladies in attendance to the queen.
“My lady.” My maid entered the room.
“Yes?” I sat on a chair, looking out the window. It was cloudy, the dark gray sky threatening a thunderstorm. More than anything, I wished to walk outside. Fresh air would do me a bit of good. As much as my room had been aired out and linens cleaned, I could still smell the remnants of sickness.
“Might I speak freely?” Jenny mumbled quietly.
I did not bother to look at her as I swatted a fly away from me. “Have out with it, then.” I had no time for idle chatter and really did not see the need to indulge the woman, but if I did not, she would surely continue to pester me.
“As I am aware of your most private dealings, my lady—”
I cut Jenny off there, not wanting to hear another word. Would she begin to counsel me on my own affairs? “Then you best keep them to yourself, if you want to remain in my employment.”
She bowed her head and rushed forward. “Begging your pardon, my lady, please, I must say I do not think you are ill. You are with child.”
I gasped, my hand coming to my mouth and with it another wave of nausea. With child? “What makes you think so?”
She poured me a cup of watered ale and handed it to me. “I see your bed sheets when I change them… I am in charge of all your linens and clothing.”
What was she trying to say? My head was light, stars dancing before my eyes. “And?”
“You’ve not had your courses for nigh on two or three months.”
My eyes widened. Was it possible? I gulped the drink and suppressed the urge to run to the chamber pot. Edward and I had been married for little over a year, and not once had I been off course. We’d done our best to see that we did not conceive a child too early, as Edward wanted to concentrate on our position, on Jane. Perhaps with all the goings-on at court and within my mind, I had forgotten to keep track, forgotten to protect myself. I bit my lip. Oh, what would Edward think? Surely he would be angry, for Jane was not yet with child, and the wait for her pregnancy had put a strain on everyone at court. For the king to see that I had become with child would only cause a further rift.
“Are you certain?” I asked.
“Yes, my lady.” She broke out into a wide smile. But I was not in the mood to indulge her.
I waved her away. “Keep this news to yourself,” I muttered.
When she’d left, I stood and took the rosary I kept hidden in the chest next to my bed. The black pearls felt cold to my fingertips. I knelt below the window and prayed, pressing each bead fiercely with my fingertips as I recited Ave Maria.
“Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum, benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui Iesus. Sancta Maria mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen. Dear God, let this child be a blessing. I pray thee, give Jane a child soon.”
I prayed for so long my knees hurt and stomach growled for having missed both my breakfast and the nooning. Those at court must have simply thought I was still ill, and so no one bothered me.
I laid my hand on the lower part of my belly. A small knot had formed there, a tiny swelling, perhaps not noticeable to anyone, even Edward, who was more than familiar with my body. But I could feel it. I was normally thin, some said too thin, and never had I had a bump in my abdomen. I took a deep breath, the entirety of my situation filling me. My heart fluttered. There was life inside me. A small human form growing. My child.
I crossed myself and stood. If Edward ever had any suspicions I was having an affair, he would have confronted me. Even without any outward suspicions because of his first wife’s infidelity, he would no doubt question whether this child was his. Just as his first wife had fooled him into believing the two children she bore him were his when they were not, I despaired at Edward believing the same about me.
My head fell back, and I stared blankly at the ceiling, examining the cracks and contours of the plaster, the flies that had made their homes there. Outside, thunder rumbled and lightning cracked. Fierce, white light filled the room.
I was struck with the realization that I must make Edward understand this could only be his child. He would accept that fact. He must.
I sent a messenger immediately to locate Edward, who was just on his way to his library after supping in the great hall. An hour later, Edward sauntered into our rooms.
“Anne?” he asked, his eyes roving over me, concern etched in the corners, for I rarely summoned him.
I straightened my shoulders, nodded to the servants to clear the room and waited until we were alone. Edward watched our staff leave, then turned eyes on me that spilled with fear.
“What is it?” he asked in a near whisper. He came forward, gripped my hands in his. “Has Surrey threatened you?”
I shook my head, letting a small smile touch my lips to calm him. “Nay, husband.” Then I chewed my lip, before garnering the energy to burst out with, “I’m with child. We’re to have a babe.”
Edward’s face paled, eyes widened. He stood stunned for several heartbeats before his eyes glistened, and he blinked back the sudden tears. Dropping to his knees, he pressed his hands to my abdomen.
“A babe?”
I nodded. “The first of many,” I whispered.
Though he tried to hide his face, I watched as so many different emotions flickered over his countenance. “Oh, Anne. Thank you.” He pressed his lips to my belly, and I let out a long held breath. There was no accusations of wrong doing on my part, but complete and utter adoration for the life growing within me.
I pressed my hand to the top of his head. “No, Edward, thank you.”
He stood slowly, cupped my face and drew me in for a light, loving kissing. When he pulled away, concern once more clouded his eyes. “We must hide your condition until the queen conceives.”
I nodded.
“When the time comes that you can no longer hide the swell of your belly, we’ll remove you to Wulfhall.”
The thought of leaving court filled me with fear and trepidation, but Edward was right.
“Let us pray that Jane quickens with child soon.” For there was every possibility the king would see our child as an insult.