But that was years ago and he wasn’t ten any more.
He’d lost control with Larry. And if there was one thing he couldn’t afford to do, it was lose his cool. His cool is what kept him sane, kept him focused and able to deal with everything that was on his plate. It was bothersome that one comment could send him flying over the edge that quickly. But then Larry had caught him completely off guard. The bar where he’d been having a drink was middle of the road—not elite, but not a druggie establishment like the ones he assumed Larry was most comfortable in. And honestly, Brian had been on edge before he’d even run into Larry. Teresa was missing… again.
“This is starting to get really old, Brian,” Tamara said now, staring at him deliberately, snapping him out of his thoughts.
He let his eyes roam over her pretty features. She was right. It was starting to get old. He just wasn’t ready to let her go yet because he was still trying to prove to himself that he was capable of being in a long-term adult relationship. He was twenty-five, had a good-paying job as a web developer, and was tired of running through women. So when he’d met Tamara at a work function, he thought he’d give it a try. Four months later, he was failing.
In his defense, he’d already known he wasn’t in the mood to see her tonight. But when she popped up over his house thirty minutes ago, he didn’t turn her away. He tried to get into it, to take the escapism she was offering him with her body, but he couldn’t. And really, he didn’t want to do that to her, to use her that way.
He pushed himself up, sitting on the edge of the couch next to her.
“I don’t know what you want any more,” she said, her voice softening. “What do you need from me?”
He remained quiet, looking at the ground as he leaned forward and placed his forearm on his knees.
“Why are you always shutting down?”
He released a breath. It was a question he was asked a lot by women. He ran his hand down her back and kissed her temple, guilt washing over him. She deserved better than he was giving her and he knew it was time for him to let her go. He’d known for a while now that his relationship with her wasn’t going any further, and she’d made it really clear that she wanted more from him.
“I’m sorry. It’s not you. I just have a lot going on right now. Today was really busy.”
The excuse sounded lame even to him and she shook her head and sighed, sliding her heels on her pedicured feet.
“I’m going home,” she informed him, standing, her tight skinny jeans hugging her curves in all the right places. She turned and looked at him, as if willing him to say something. But he didn’t protest. He really didn’t want her to stay the night. He wanted to sleep in his own bed, alone. That was a lie. He didn’t want to be alone. He just wanted someone else with him, someone who was off-limits to him and had been for years.
“I’ll call you later, Brian,” she said, her tone resigned as she crossed the room to the front door.
“Make sure you text me when you get home, okay?” he said as he stood up to let her out.
She looked up at him, her eyes disappointed.
“Tamara…alright?” he repeated.
She sighed again. “Alright, Brian.”
He kissed her lips, lingering for a long second and it felt like a real goodbye. She ran her hands up his forearms, then kissed his cheek before she walked out of the door.
He exhaled once she was gone and went into his small, neat kitchen to pour himself a shot of Jack, letting the brown liquid burn its way down his throat and settle his wired nerves. He opened and closed his fingers, stretching them out because they were beginning to stiffen. He headed back to his bedroom, settling himself on his bed after flicking the TV to the game that was on.
He was restless. And he knew why. He knew what he wanted, or rather, who. She was the one who could calm him. The one who took him away from everything, even though she was hundreds of miles away. He loved her, even if he wasn’t in the position to tell her.
Being in love with his best friend’s cousin came with its own set of problems. Problems he wasn’t able to do anything about, not right now anyway. So he’d continue being her friend because if that was the only way he could have her, he’d take it.
Resigning himself to the internal battle he knew he’d have once he called her—wanting her so badly he could taste it but knowing that he couldn't have her—he finally did what he’d wanted to do all day.
He picked up the phone and called Destiny.
1
Present Day.
Brian shifted his weight and sipped his Jack and Ginger, letting his eyes fall on the girl across the room who was clearly checking him out.