Cassie was not going to freeze or go awkward because Parker mentioned Erin. It wasn’t a big deal.
Instead of freaking out, she joined Acacia on the couch under her loft bed. The TV, an old twenty-four-inch they’d found at Goodwill, was under Parker’s bed across the room. Cassie stretched her feet into Acacia’s lap as her best friend signed up for a free trial.
“So how’s Sam?” Cassie poked at the bruise.
Acacia eyes flitted to her, then back to the TV. Parker looked at her for the first time since she’d arrived.
“Fine.”
That was her entire answer.
“You must be having so much sex,” Cassie said just to get a reaction.
Parker blinked at her. “Excuse me?”
“I mean, I never see you anymore, and school can’t be keeping you that busy, right?” Cassie grinned like it was funny. She was teasing, yeah, but she also wanted to be a bit of a dick. Because while she didn’t particularly like to admit to having feelings, Parker had hurt them. She’d made Cassie feel replaceable—worse: unnecessary. Cassie wanted to get under her skin. “How’s Sam in bed? I feel like it goes one of two ways—she’s stone cold, or she cries.”
Acacia pinched the back of Cassie’s calf where Parker couldn’t see. Parker didn’t bother responding.
“Okay, so did we agree on Aladdin?” Acacia asked.
Cassie wasn’t done, though. She sat up. Poked harder. “C’mon, princess, at least give me a hint.”
Parker rolled her eyes. “I’m not talking to you about my sex life, Cassie.”
“But you seriously have to be having a ton of it. We never see you anymore.” That might not have been true—Cassie had no idea how often Acacia saw Parker. Maybe the only person who’d been cut from the friendship was her. “Do you and Sam even hang out with anyone, or is it just all sex all the time?”
Out of nowhere, Parker snapped. “Actually, for some of us, it’s possible to have an emotional connection with people and not just fuck whoever the hell we feel like.”
The room was silent.
Cassie stared at Parker, whose nostrils flared. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Parker didn’t say anything initially, and Cassie laughed—this had to be a joke, right? Her laughter made Parker’s eyes flash.
“Look, y’all, let’s just—” Acacia’s tone was placating, but Parker ignored her.
“You’ve had one serious relationship your entire life and he cheated on you,” she said. “You don’t know how to be vulnerable with someone. You haven’t even tried to date anyone since Seth. You wouldn’t have any idea what it’s like.”
That was a fucking nasty thing to throw in her face.
“It’s not like you’ve had any models of good relationships in your life,” Parker sneered.
It reminded Cassie of Erin at Christmas, calling her some kid with mommy issues. Like mother, like daughter, apparently. With Erin, Cassie had left, but with Parker, she got mad.
“Like you have any idea what my life is like, lately, the amount of time you spend with Sam.” Cassie knew she shouldn’t keep going, but she was pissed. “I could be in a goddamn relationship for all you know. Maybe I have a secret lover after all—you’d have no idea.”
Acacia winced. She didn’t try to calm either of them.
Parker clenched her jaw. “Fuck you, Cassie.”
“Fuck you. Go enjoy your ‘serious emotional connection’ with Sam. Lord knows you’re not attempting to connect with any of your friends.”
She pushed herself up off the sofa. Parker glared at her. Acacia’s face was still a grimace.
“What the fuck, man,” Cassie said, and left.
Eighteen
ERIN
It was Tuesday when Parker’s name finally lit up Erin’s phone. Erin had patients to see, but she ducked into a stairwell and answered the call instead.
“Hey, baby!” She winced as soon as she said it, sounding too enthusiastic, clearly compensating for her terror over what this call could be.
“Hi,” Parker said. Did she sound awkward because she knew Erin had fucked her friend or did she sound awkward because Erin had answered the phone like a fitness instructor trying to inspire people at a 5 A.M. workout?
“What’s up?” The forced casualness was obvious. “I mean, how are you?”
“Why are you being weird?”
Erin laughed, too high pitched. “I’m not being weird. I just haven’t heard from you in a bit, that’s all.”
“Oh my God, I’m sorry I didn’t call Sunday, jeez,” Parker said. “I was working on a piece and by the time I remembered, it was late.”
It had been two Sundays, but Erin didn’t point it out.
“That’s all right, of course, it’s all right,” she said in a rush. The tension in her loosened. “I didn’t mean to be annoying about it.”
“You’re always annoying about it,” Parker teased, and Erin must have imagined the mean undercurrent in her tone.
“I know, I know, I’m your mom, I’m supposed to be annoying. So, tell me about the painting.”
When she was little, Parker had been nervous about school. She’d gone to a preschool that was run out of the teacher’s farmhouse. It had been less structured and more like going to a friend’s house than to school. So kindergarten scared her. She wouldn’t get on the bus the first day, cried until Erin called in late to work so she could drive her. Erin left work early, too, to pick Parker up at the end of the day. She had been ready for more tears.
Instead, the whole drive home, Parker hadn’t stopped talking about the finger painting they’d done and how much Mrs. Schecter liked hers.
Asking Parker about art still worked just as well as it had back then.
She told Erin about her piece—a mixed-media project, not just a painting—and Erin relaxed with every word. Parker didn’t hate her. She was busy at school, doing well in something she loved. She was happy. It was good that she hadn’t called Sunday. Erin’s baby girl was growing up.
“Anyway,” Parker said when Erin ran out of questions about the piece. “How was your week?”
“Some good, some bad,” Erin said honestly.
Good, in terms of texts from Cassie. Bad, given that Erin had spent most of it worried her daughter was never going to speak to her again. So good won out, Erin supposed, now that she was on the phone with Parker.
“Anything interesting happen since we last talked?” Parker asked.
Erin almost laughed. The question sounded like how she used to question Parker when she was in trouble. Is there anything you want to tell me? she’d say, holding the broken vase she found under some strategically discarded paper towels in the kitchen trash. It was probably her guilt, warping a genuine question into suspicion in Erin’s mind.
“Just the usual,” Erin said. “We’re trying to agree on a time line for the opening of the clinic and it’s a lot of back and forth.”
“Sounds fun,” Parker said like she hadn’t heard anything Erin said. “But actually, I gotta go, I’m meeting Acacia for lunch.”
“Oh, okay. Have fun! Tell her I said hi.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Bye, love you.”