I touched the huge, marquis-cut diamond with my thumb. Could I really marry him? Could I believe in happy endings the way I had as a child? Did I even know Joe any more?
He stirred beside me, turned his body towards mine. 'I want another favour from you, and I want this one without coercion.'
Well, what was one more? 'Name it,’ I said.
'I want you to promise you'll never make me do that again.'
I looked him full in the face. He was serious. 'You can't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself. You came like a freight train.'
Annoyance thinned his sensitive mouth. 'You know I liked what we did today. What I didn't like was hurting you.'
"Then why did you?' I went up on my elbow. 'Because you did hurt me, you and Sean both.'
His eyes filled. 'I know I walked a fine line, Kate, and I'm sorrier than you can imagine. But you had to know I could master you. You were afraid to give your body and heart to the same man. So you let Sean master one and me the other. You kept yourself safe that way. But safe isn't good enough any more.' He traced the tiny lashes beneath my eyes. 'I had to prove my nature is as powerful as yours - or Sean's. I simply choose to exercise my power differently. We are equals, Kate. We're just different.'
I stared him down for a minute but he didn't look away. He believed what he was saying and, after today, I guessed I believed it, too.
Suddenly, I saw the humour in it. He'd mastered me only to beg me not to make him do it again. 'Does this mean you refuse to top me once we're married?'
He realised what I'd said before I did. Not 'if' we're married, but 'once we're married'. Ducking his head to hide his grin, he wiggled my sparkling diamond back and forth. 'I might agree to crack the whip now and then,' he conceded, 'if you ask me real nice.'
Chapter Fifteen
Happily Ever After
'I waited for Sean to say something like, 'I'm sorry I didn't let you know what Joe was up to,’ or, 'I'll miss our Wednesday night workouts.'
Beyond offering the requisite congratulations, however, our decision seemed not to affect him. All through the wedding planning insanity, he maintained a cheerful front. He was helpful and sensible, an unshakable voice of reason.
For instance, I'd married my ex at City Hall. I didn't see why we couldn't do that again and throw a big party afterwards. Sean knew better. With boundless patience, he explained why Joe's family - and Joe himself - would consider only a church wedding meaningful.
'Don't worry, though. Joe's mother's cousin is an aide to some archbishop. You shouldn't have any trouble with the annulment.'
I raked my hair back. 'That's like saying my first marriage never happened, which is a lie.'
Sean spread his hands. 'God works in mysterious ways, babe. Who are you to complain if He smooths your path?'
Not having been taught by Jesuits, I didn't know how to argue with that.
'Grin and bear it,' he advised, 'for Joe's sake. If he sees you're unhappy, you know he'll let you elope, and he'll be sorry for it later.'
No doubt this was true, but Sean's attitude unnerved me.
At one point, when it looked like my father wouldn't tear himself away from a long-standing golf date, Sean even volunteered to give me away.
Tears blurred my vision. I confessed that, in a way, I was his to give; part of me would always belong to him.
'Which part?' he asked with a cartoonish leer. But he also gave me an odd sideways glance, as though calculating how much truth my words held - and what advantage that truth might give him.
I told myself I was being paranoid, or thinking wishful. I knew I'd miss him. Even if I didn't love him the way I loved Joe, with Sean I could let my hair down.
One night, tired of playing United Nations negotiator to the future in-laws - and one or two beers beyond my limit -1 told Sean I wished we could forget the wedding, just go back to the way things were in the beginning.
We were sharing a corner table at the Irish Pub on Walnut, on a weeknight, so it wasn't too jammed. We had to watch where we went these days. Joe had a knack for throwing on a pair of horn-rimmed spectacles and passing himself off as nobody, but sometimes even Clark Kent blew his cover. Luckily, he didn't get mobbed. His fans could, however, occasionally make pests of themselves. Tonight he was stuck in a potential investor's meeting for the recording studio. Since he was now an hour late, Sean won the bend-your-ear sweepstake for my horrible day. Lucky Sean.
'Don't kid yourself, Kate,' he said, giving his mug a thoughtful twist. 'You're a nester and so is Joe. You need to commit. You need to belong to someone.'
'But I'll miss you,' I grumbled.
Sean smiled into his beer. 'I'm glad to hear you say that.'
Joe walked in then with a flurry of apologies and kisses - so I never did ask why Sean was glad.