Nobody understood what I saw in him. Yes he had a hot gym physique, but he had no great charismatic personality, he was not intelligent or witty. What I liked about him was that he was always there on demand. I truly believed that if I could get out of the game he would take me seriously and perhaps marry me. More fool me. Every girl I ever worked with had an Austin, the guy who drops by with chocolates or delivers lunch. More often than not they were blood suckers who ended up bleeding the girls of their hard-earned cash under the guise of investing their money in his dream, whether it be restaurant bills, paying for mining tickets or qualifications, computer courses, you name it, working girls always over invested in their faux boyfriends. I never gave Austin a penny, but I did fund his children in a substantial way, but I loved them and was happy to help.
It is not until the chips are down that you realise who your true friends, loved ones and family really are. Unfortunately my hot streak ran for ten years, so I was a little slow in learning. Or he just met my immediate needs.
***
My financial, emotional, mental and romantic collapse came when I was exposed for what I really was: a whore. Poppy hit puberty and was Little Miss Popularity with all who came into contact with her. She started to hear a few giggles behind her back about her mother and a certain website. She was the first to defend me, but how could I defend the indefensible? The truth was my only sword.
With all the risks about my progressing age, Poppy’s maturity and a sex industry in decline due primarily to the onset of numerous websites advertising partners for free anonymous sex, I knew my life needed to change. And I knew honesty with myself was long overdue.
I did try to rebuff Poppy’s curiosity for as long as I could but when she started to hate me for lying more than she hated me for being a sex worker I knew the jig was up. I was one hundred per cent honest with her but left out the graphic details. The only tears shed that night were by me, she just embraced me and reassured me that her love for me was undiminished. I decided then and there to change my ways and find another occupation. I shut down the website immediately, cancelled all ads and shut down the phone lines. It was impossible for me to go cold turkey, due to my financial obligations so I kept seeing regulars to make ends meet.
I went from earning $4000 per week to earning $600 per week. God bless Poppy, she never uttered a word when I told her that I couldn’t afford this or that when she asked for something. She understood completely and was proud of our new found poverty. Thankfully I had done such a good job with her that she was awarded a scholarship—the first of many—to continue on at her prestigious school. She took every hurdle in her stride.
I, on the other hand, was collapsing mentally. I could live without, but I hated that I had to deny Poppy anything. I hated myself for hurting the one person in the world I had sworn to protect and provide for. I quite literally couldn’t live with the thought that Poppy was being ridiculed because of me.
It is an interesting endeavour to commence applying for straight work as the girls referred to it. What was I qualified for? Customer service? Sales? Luckily for me I had a degree but was working on my post-grad qualifications so couldn’t work full-time anyway. Social security sent me to an employment service who attempted to assist me in preparing a resume.
’So what have you been doing since leaving school?’ the woman at social security asked as though it was the simplest question in the world.
I hesitated. Then the solution came to me. ‘Can I take the form home with me?’
With the help of my old clients, who would always hold a soft spot for me, I put together a resume to impress any human resources department. I had amazing letters of recommendations from top executives, touting the honesty, reliability, strong work ethic and brilliant interpersonal skills of Annika Cleeve. My resume had no time gaps in it. Every day of every week of every month of every year was accounted for. According to my resume I had never been unemployed, which is interesting seeing as I didn’t have a red cent in superannuation.
I still had way too many expenses that needed a dire pruning. According to my lifestyle, I needed a job paying about $100,000 a year. It is usually at this point where most girls slip back into old habits or compensate their income with the odd client. First job out I knew I was never going to earn what I needed, particularly considering I had a university bill that I couldn’t climb over.
I had job offers coming at me from every direction, though most had never received my resume, they had just been recommended to hire me through a mutual friend. But I had been so isolated for so long that I wondered if I really did know how to work alongside people for more than an hour.
52
Being Honest to People is Awesome
I quickly realised that working is a love–hate relationship. I loved knowing that I could be appreciated with my clothes on. That my brain, my ideas, my creativity, my knowledge and my personality were valued.