Today’s event is the one I look forward to most, and it’s just my luck that it falls on my very first day as Head Matchmaker of Lunar Love. Every fall, the annual Matched with Love Summit takes place in Los Angeles. The day-long conference captures the magic of new beginnings, optimism, and unspoken what ifs. If you’re a matchmaker, it’s the queen of all conferences. Thousands of matchmakers, behavioral scientists, CEOs, marketers, and investors from around the country attend to learn about the state of the industry, how to increase profits, and the science behind attraction. Basically, we gather to talk all things love and matchmaking.
This year, Matched with Love is being hosted on the outskirts of Chinatown, which Lunar Love has called home for the last fifty years. The speaker of this afternoon’s session, Dr. Annie Goodman, paces back and forth on layered carpets at the front of the event space. Rows of chairs facing her are lined up neatly in the outdoor veranda of an industrial warehouse that’s been painted all white. Flower garlands drip from the overhead beams, casting floral shadows on the concrete floor in the natural light. It’s all very romantic.
“Raise your hand if you believe that opposites attract,” Dr. Goodman instructs in a loud voice. “And be honest!” With silver hair, tortoiseshell round glasses, and her fingers steepled in front of her, Dr. Goodman looks like a glamorous therapist only seen in movies. She commands the room with her quiet confidence as she speaks methodically about the psychology of love.
Opposites attract? Not a chance.
I turn in my seat near the front, looking around at the number of arms that shoot up into the air. In a room of two hundred professionals, a little over half of them have their hands raised. I shake my head in disappointment.
“You in the back, can you share with us why you believe opposites attract?” Dr. Goodman gestures toward a man in a burgundy long-sleeve shirt sitting in the rear of the space.
I angle my head to try to see who’s speaking when the man stands to answer. “Differences in personalities can make for interesting relationships,” he says. “One might call it opposite, another might call it complementary. It’s not that I only think opposites attract. I just don’t like limiting who can be attracted to who.” The man addresses the room as he speaks, rotating to seemingly make eye contact with everyone in the room.
Dr. Goodman nods her head in slow, long dips, looking as though she’s forming her response. “And do you think complementary personality traits help the relationship long-term?”
The light makes it difficult to see his features from where I sit, but he appears to stand with confidence. “A recent study showed that over eighty-two percent of people found those who were their opposite attractive. I think that’s because differences create chemistry. The way I see it, there’s not a lot of excitement or room for growth if people are with others who are just like them,” he says, running a hand through his dark hair.
“Thank you. And what about you?” Dr. Goodman cradles her chin in her hand and looks in my direction. “I saw you shaking your head. You don’t think opposites can attract?”
I feel everyone’s eyes turn on me, and I hold my notebook against my chest and remain seated, facing the people in the first few rows. “I’ve personally experienced and witnessed what happens when two opposites come together,” I say, quietly at first.
Dr. Goodman makes a noise. “Go on.”
“It’s fun for a short period of time because the other person is exciting and shiny and new, but it’s lust versus love. If people are too opposite in values and interests, that’s how conflicting, contentious partnerships are formed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that people have to agree on every single thing, because that’s rare. But just because people have similar traits doesn’t mean they’re in boring relationships.”
“Mmhmm,” Dr. Goodman hums.
“My job is to find those similarities and flaws in clients and pair them with well-suited matches,” I continue. “This way, people can bypass all the wondering and initial skepticism. I’m there with clients through the new moon, I mean, the beginning of their relationships so I can better understand the dynamics of their interactions.”
“Sorry, but whoever’s speaking right now, you really don’t think two opposites can balance each other out?” the voice of the man who spoke before me calls out.
I turn to face him, but the man’s already seated, his face lost among the crowd. “Only if—and that’s a big if—both people are willing to keep that balance in check and are open to transformation. It won’t just happen. Change is hard and requires work. Certain flaws can be dealbreakers,” I respond.
“Your point being what? That opposite traits are flaws?” the man yells again.
“Complementary traits and opposite traits are not one and the same,” I say loudly so the man in the back can hear me. “If you’re looking for excitement in your life with someone who is wildly different from you because you can’t be with someone so similar to yourself, well, then, best of luck to you.”
Take that, Opposites Attract Guy.
“And if you’re scared to be with someone who’s too different, I respectfully wish you all the best,” the man says, his tone assertive but not unfriendly. My jaw drops as I face back toward the front.
“Thank you both for the dialogue. I appreciate the passion. You give us a lot to think about,” Dr. Goodman says as she repositions herself behind a podium. “Now, to go back to something else that was mentioned: love versus lust. Let’s explore that.” She resumes her presentation while I take notes.
After the session, I meet up with Alisha. While waiting for her, I watch as attendees shake hands, embrace in hugs, and tap their phones. I slide my fingers down my heart-patterned lanyard and admire the dangling glossy badge printed with my name and fancy new title.
I’ve played Cupid for over three hundred clients. It’s a beautiful thing when two people come together from various corners of the world and are matched based on their truly complementary personality traits, just as the moon and Earth complement one another. With as many people as there are out there, finding your person can be overwhelming, to say the least.
I love creating love and seeing relationships go from a spark to a raging bonfire. Sure, sometimes the fire goes out in relationships, but sometimes, even after a few missteps, the embers still glow hot, and the fire remains in a steady state of potential, needing just a single gust of air to reignite. It’s all part of the process of finding and falling in love.
Alisha startles me when she sweeps her arm around my shoulder.
“Happy first day! That should really say CLO!” she says in a singsongy tone. “Chief Love Officer. How do you feel?”
I laugh and nod my head toward a bouquet of overfilled giant heart balloons, the glistening red foil practically bursting at the seams. “Like that. I’m so excited I could burst.”
Alisha laughs. “How was your session? I learned about so many different attachment styles in relationships, I feel like I just got out of therapy.”
“I was put on the spot but I’m always eager to talk shop,” I say. “Ready for lunch? Randall says he’ll meet us there.”