Her shoulders sag, but she hits the unlock button. I open the door and drop into the passenger seat. It’s really coming down out there now, rain battering the windshield, blurring everything outside.
She smells faintly of perfume, stale beer, fries, shampoo, and a summer storm. I stare at her profile, trying to figure out what I’m going to say without telling her everything. “I fucked up,” I blurt.
Her throat bobs and her head drops before she tips her chin up and stares out the windshield. “Fucked up how?”
“I did something I shouldn’t have this week.” I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have.
“I thought you weren’t sleeping with the women on the other side of the lake anymore.”
“What?” I’m confused because this conversation has taken a swift left turn down a hill and into a ditch.
“I guess we never discussed exclusivity, so it’s probably my fault for assuming that we were.” Teagan grips the steering wheel, and her chin does that trembling thing, like it did that first day when I was less than pleasant with her.
“Whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. I know I have a reputation, but I haven’t slept with any of the women from the other side of the lake in a long time, and I don’t plan to either. Why would you jump to that kind of conclusion?”
“You were gone this weekend, and then Monday and Tuesday you worked late. You weren’t out with the guys on Wednesday, and you blew me off all week. And the first thing out of your mouth was that you’d fucked up, followed by doing something you shouldn’t have. What other conclusion is there? Other than you’re having second thoughts about this whole thing.” She motions between us.
“Wow. Okay. I can see where I went wrong there. I mean I fucked up by blowing you off this week. When I said I was working on projects on the other side of the lake, I meant exactly that; it wasn’t a euphemism for anything else.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds before she finally asks, “Why did you blow me off, then? Did I do something wrong?”
I run my hands down my legs. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I had some family stuff I had to deal with this weekend, and I wasn’t in a great frame of mind when I got home. I didn’t want to put that on you, because my family shit isn’t a problem you should have to deal with.”
“You could have told me that. I would have understood if you needed space.”
I rub my bottom lip. “Yeah. I see that now. I wasn’t kidding when I told you I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to actual relationships. When I’m in a mood, I generally try to avoid people so I don’t subject them to it.”
“We all have good days and bad ones. You can show me all your sides, Aaron. It’s not going to scare me away.”
I want to believe that’s true, but there are parts of my life and my past that are the kind of ugly even I can’t face. And if I can’t deal with it, how can I expect someone else to?
CHAPTER 16
LITTLE SIGNS
Teagan
After spending hours putting together the proposal, I get town approval to go ahead with the farmers’ market. We decide end of summer would be the best time to host it, and if that goes well, I’d like to petition to have one closer to the holidays. But first I need to get this one off the ground. I don’t account for quite how much work it is, even with a handful of volunteers. It’s a lot different from planning events for a financial firm with lots of overhead and a team of people who are getting paid to help run things. Regardless, I’m determined to make this happen and for it to be a success.
As spring rolls into summer, Aaron and I fall into a comfortable routine. We alternate between nights at my place and nights at his. We go to the summer beach parties together; he teaches me new things, like how to drive a boat and water-ski. We go on hikes and take day trips on the weekends. We don’t go for dinner in Lake Geneva again, but we frequent the local restaurants, and on the rare occasions when we go out for a nice dinner, it’s often tacked onto one of our day trips, far outside Pearl Lake, where he’s not likely to run into women he’s previously slept with.
And once a month he’s gone for a weekend. Every time he returns, he’s quiet and distant for a few days. He hasn’t said who he goes to see, and I don’t want to force it out of him, but I don’t understand why he won’t tell me. I’ve tried to bring it up casually with his mom when we’re working at Harry’s together; she seems to think he’s going to see friends from college. But that time we had the blowout, he said it had to do with family. It makes me think he’s lying to one of us.
Often it’s on those weekends that I make the trip to visit my dad and Danielle.
And while I don’t love the silence that follows Aaron’s weekends away, it’s a reminder to keep my feelings for him in check. As much as I like Aaron, and as much as he seems to like me, becoming too dependent on him isn’t a good idea, especially when I know he’s keeping a part of himself closed off from me. And by Wednesday, Aaron is back to his usual self.
It’s a Friday afternoon, and I’m counting down the hours until the end of the day. Aaron and I have plans to head to the drive-in tonight for a movie. He has an air mattress, sleeping bags, and pillows ready to go so we can sit in the back and watch under the stars.
We’ve gone a couple of times over the summer, and it’s fun. Plus, we fool around under the sleeping bags—PG-13 version—which leads to R-rated sex later, when we’re back at his place.
At four in the afternoon, an hour before I’m done for the day at Bernie’s, my phone lights up with a call from him. “Hey! I was just thinking about you.”
“Hey, babe.”
“Can I tell you how excited I am for movie night?”
“About tonight.”
I can already feel the disappointment settling in. “You have to cancel.”
“I’m sorry, Teagan. Some family stuff came up that I gotta take care of.”
“Oh no. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, it’ll be fine. It kinda came out of left field. I’m sorry I have to bail on you, but I’ll make it up to you next weekend, okay?”
“Sure. Of course. Give your mom a hug for me.” I want to remind him that next weekend is the one he’s usually gone visiting family, but obviously whatever’s come up has him occupied. “If you need anything, just give me a call, okay?”
“I will. I’m sorry, babe. I’ll talk to you on Sunday.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” I end the call and wilt into my computer chair.
So much for my Friday-night plans.
It’s a necessary reset, though. A reminder that I should watch how attached I’m getting.
Plus I have another project to work on for the Stitches, and the farmers’ market is coming up next month, and there’s still so much left to do.