“No,” Chyna throws her outstretched hand in Tay’s face to mute her. “…we was just on IG telling this broad that those rumors about you ain’t true—”
“Rumors? What rumors?” my grandmother demands before I can process the same question.
“The ones from back in the day. People was saying Rayna was a gold-diggin’ hoe because she stole O’s money. And him and Keeme killed that lil’ girl in the shootout because O was gonna kill Rayna, but Keeme got to him first and before he could get at Rayna because O shot J-Boog. Then, they both got locked up, killing that lil’ baby.” Chyna won’t let up for air. “And what I’m saying on IG is my sister got a fat ass—my bad Grandma—crib out here. And even though her boss is a baller, she got her degree and a good job. She ain’t never need to rob O of all that money they said she did. Right, Rayna?”
My eyes shoot up to the rearview mirror again, and this time is met by Azmir’s quizzical ones. The car is absolutely quiet. I don’t know where to begin. There are so many lies interweaved with the truths of that story. Similar to the old adage: you whisper a story in the ear of the first in the circle, and by the time it gets to the last, it’s a completely new fable. Matching the truths against the lies doesn’t matter because now Azmir has a good perspective of what is fact. Between what I’ve told him previously and peppered details Chyna has just inadvertently revealed, so many of my fears are released to wreak havoc on my sound world. Under his brooding gaze, my lids collapse shut.
“First of all, young lady, Rayna ain’t never been rumored to be no gold digger. She left home with barely a penny to her name and made something good of herself. And if you could stay off the Internet, you could do the same. Now shut that phone off!”
The remainder of the ride is quiet. Azmir helps the ladies with their luggage into the airport while I stay out in the waiting car, trying to keep from hyperventilating. I can’t believe this is happening to me. For years, I never wanted family out here in L.A., not wanting them to tamper with what peace I had, at first, then with my happiness with Azmir once he came into my life.
About ten minutes into the drive, Azmir breaks the ice. “You wanna talk about it?” he asks expectantly.
I close my eyes to hold back the tears that are threatening. On an ordinary day, I would simply say no, I don’t want to discuss such a personal matter. But this is no ordinary day. These aren’t normal circumstances. There isn’t anything typical about my being right now. Before I left for my nuptials, I could employ the word privacy to barricade my secrets. Today, no armor can shield what Azmir has every right to inquire of. My past.
On a shaky breath, I forge ahead. “There was so much she said that was completely off, I don’t know where to begin.”
“How about with what’s true?”
My eyes dart over to him. He doesn’t react. Azmir wears a placid expression as he navigates the Ranger Rover. My mind races with thoughts, trying to decide where to begin.
“O was my high school boyfriend.” I shut my eyes at the rare remembrance of him. “The only boyfriend I had. He and my brother got into it one night behind rumors…about me sleeping with my brother’s best friend—”
“Were you?”
“No!” I glare at him. I’ve never been that type of girl and I hope he isn’t accusing me of it. “They were rumors made up by a so-called friend of mine. A friend that was sleeping with my boyfriend underneath my nose.” I shift in my seat, blindly gazing ahead “Anyway, one night everything hit the fan. O went to approach my brother’s best friend, J-Boog and ended up killing him. Then my brother, Akeem, got into a shootout with O…to avenge J-Boog’s death. In the crossfire was a toddler who was killed.”
A shiver runs through me at the memory of it. A little girl lost her life from my drama. I don’t deserve to have kids. At times, I wonder if I even deserve Erin. That innocent little girl losing her life was so unfair. If I could do things different, I’d start with not giving O my attention all those years ago.
“And the money?” Azmir’s baritone wakes me from my musing. “What about that is true?” I notice his brows pinch. He’s growing impatient.
I exhale, hoping he’d forgotten that mention. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I didn’t steal the money…exactly. He’d been locked up for the murder when I’d decided to leave town for Duke. I needed money; my father had disappeared and my mother was fighting for her life after having overdosed. My grandparents were too preoccupied with Chyna, so I didn’t want to burden them with asking for money to go. Out of nowhere, I remembered an account O had opened in my name for emergencies. He said that if he died, I was to keep it…to not even tell his mom about it for his funeral. I went to the bank expecting there to be a couple hundred dollars at best.” I let go of another breath, feeling my heart rate increase. “I emptied the account and left home hours later.”
“How much was it?”