August, before my senior year in 2006, I’d just returned from Ohio, visiting relatives for almost the whole summer. The only way I could communicate with my first love was via letters and every once in a while a phone call when I spoke to my mother, he’d be there to speak to me. The day I came home, he surprised me at the airport along with Samantha and Chyna baring "Welcome Home" balloons along with a herringbone gold necklace.
It was clear that O had missed me. He wanted to express that to me and I thought of a way to express it to him as well. All summer I had been planning to lose my virginity to O. He stood there with a powder blue oversized sweat suit on, a fresh haircut, sharp shape-up, with waves that looked as if they moved. His lips were full and moist. We embraced each other and waited for Samantha to turn her head to kiss. Chyna caught it and began to giggle.
Once we arrived home, I immediately spotted Keysha and she ran up to me and bestowed a bear hug to show how much she, too, had missed me. She whispered in my ear, “Girl come back downstairs when you’re done unpacking. We need to talk.”
My heart pumped fear. I’d heard lots of rumors of O cheating with other girls but he denied every accusation. I couldn’t prove it and figured that if he was messing around, those whores knew I was his girlfriend and that made them look just as stupid as I did if not more, I didn’t know about them. I did just as Keysha asked and got right back downstairs.
“Girl, why O was up here hoe’ing while you was in Ohio?” Keysha announced.
My heart began to bleed. “Oh, yeah? With who?”
I’d hoped Keysha didn’t see the sweat accumulating on my forehead. Never let them see you sweat was my mantra.
“That bitch LaTavia. I told you she wanted to be you,”
“How you know?”
“Tracey told me that Angie from Brownsville told her she saw ‘dem at the movies. And I saw ‘dem two dancing at Star’s party last week.”
“Word?” I responded.
“Word!”
“A’ight.” I walked away torn to pieces refusing to let it be known to my friend. I did what I would always do when upset. I walked to the park. Ann, my mother’s newfound friend, saw me and asked where I was going. I hissed, “The park,” and kept it moving.
I was at the park for about two hours. Many thoughts ran through my mind. Why is he doing this to me? Just as soon as I decided to open up to him, he lets this happen. He’s supposed to be my best friend. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. He knows that. If it’s about sex, why doesn’t he just ask or something? I can’t lose him, not now with my mom getting high and all. What is he going to do when it’s time for us to go?
I just sat there and thought very hard and long. O and I had been making plans to move out of Jersey when I graduated from high school. Wherever I went to college, he would follow and we would get away. I eventually came to the conclusion that if I wanted O to take me serious I had to start behaving like an adult. All my girls were doing it. Why wasn’t I? Was it because I didn’t want to disappoint my faith? Well my faith had disappointed me by allowing my father to leave without formally saying goodbye. It had seen my mom smoke crack and did nothing. Since my faith obviously didn’t look out for me, I wouldn’t concern myself with it. Well, whatever it was, that was keeping me from making love to my true love would no longer stop me. I was about to go along with my plan to have sex with O. Just as soon as the thought popped into my head, I heard someone call out my name. It was O riding along the street in his car.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, girl?” His voice was laced with anger.
“I’m chillin’. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I responded.
Shocked, he looked at me and said, “What’s wrong, man?”
“LaTavia,” I yelled.
“LaTavia? What the fuck about LaTavia?”
“You fucking her now. Why am I always hearing shit through the grapevine? I’m sick of it!” All of this was new to O. I almost never cursed unless I was quoting someone. He was angry and immediately thought of Keysha.
“Yo Im’ma get my cousin to fuck Keysha and her big ass mouth up. Why ‘dem broads always putting shit in your head? They jealous of you—”