We talked for almost an hour before falling asleep. I remember looking at my watch and it reading two twenty-seven a.m. The last significant conversation I recall is of her pops leaving her family to survive in the projects. She spoke of how empty she had felt because he had been such a force in their home. It made me think about my own father and what life would have been like had he still been alive. Then I recalled how Mark wrote a piece on the missing black father and submitted it to a prestigious professional journal. It was profound. I never told him how much it resonated with me. I guess Ms. Brimm here was a fellow victim.
I woke and looked at my watch that read five fifteen a.m. This is my usual wake up time no matter how long I’ve slept. But my body wasn’t in agreement. I rubbed my eyes and looked down at Rayna who lay across my waist. She looked so peaceful sleeping. My mind started rolodexing the many conversations we had before falling asleep. Rayna didn’t appear to be that ironclad, high class, got-it-all, woman that she presents. Actually, I was kind of feeling her being exposed. I felt a sense of protection over her. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself but I wanted to help her out. I wasn’t trying to play the “Pretty Woman” role here…but it didn’t feel right knowing that dude was harassing her for pennies that I could sneeze at. I questioned my motive. How would I look doing this for someone who wasn’t my woman? Do I want her to be my woman? What is having a woman?
I never thought what Tara and I had was an official, adult, mutually-giving relationship. It was just some shit I got caught up in and played out until I couldn’t anymore. My thoughts of evolution kicked backed in. I hated when that happened because it was such a nervous feeling when I felt pressure in my skull and my breathing pattern changed. I didn’t want to die rich with no one to love. I think I wanted to know what love was and felt like.
I wanted to be Taye Diggs in Best Man when he yelled back at Sanaa Lathan, “I need you!” Damn. That shit always got me because I could tell that man was in pain. Secretly, I’ve wanted to feel for a woman enough to display such raw emotion. I mean, it was something that I sure as hell never had. It was far beyond *. I’ve had great *. I mean, the type of * that made me drop some cash on a shopping spree or a cruise to the Caribbean. But nothing that invoked any type of strong emotion such as love. Shit, even Petey busted out the windows of his old lady’s brand new Acura when she came home in the wee hours of the morning after being out with the girls. That was some shit I’ve seen men do but I had never summons the feelings to give a fuck. I often wondered was there something wrong with me? Was I not wired correctly in utero? I was told that I just hadn’t come across the right woman.
I reached for my phones to see what I’d missed. After checking stocks, news, and texts I gently moved Rayna off of me and fully onto the couch. I went into the bathroom to take a leak and make a few phone calls. I wasn’t confident about how she would fare after the amount of drinking she said she did the night before so I called my chef and asked him to report to Rayna’s instead of my place. I gave him a list of items to bring because I didn’t know what she had there and refused to go rummaging through her refrigerator and cabinets to find out. It was enough that I was inviting a total stranger to her house.
Next, I called Brett and gave him a few marching orders that consisted of pushing back my morning appointments until the afternoon and looking up Dr. Sebastian Adams, practicing in Venice Beach. After speaking with him for a minute, I returned to the couch with Rayna who was still out.
~~~~~~~~~~
Rayna
I woke up to clinging sounds in my kitchen. I almost freaked out until I remembered Azmir being over last night…or this morning. I got up and slowly strode into the kitchen where I found a burly man with a white jacket, striped pants, and a huge white chef hat over my stove. He definitely didn’t match Azmir’s physique. I instantly realized that I was indisposed.
“Ummmm…who are you?” I asked pointedly.