Love Lost

According to Keysha, Friday night a little birdie told O that I had been secretly sleeping with J-Boog. O, outraged, went looking for J-Boog and found him behind building one. My life plummeted hours after I left for a college open house, Jeremy Barrington aka J-Boog was shot dead. O was arrested for the murder of J-Boog.

My brother was arrested for the murder of a little four-year-old that was caught in the crossfire of bullets exchanged between him and O. She said when Akeem came from around the corner to find his lifeless friend, he avenged J-Boog’s death.

My mother, Samantha, was at Holy Cross Hospital merely evading death from an overdose on heroin. I could take no more of this horrible story and hung up the phone in Keysha’s ear. Racing into my bedroom, I packed everything I could fit in two suitcases and headed for the door. I didn’t know where I’d go. I didn’t care. I was getting the hell up out of those projects.

One-half hour later, I found myself knocking on the door of Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Brimm, my grandparents. After giving me the latest on my mother’s condition and Akeem’s bail hearing, my grandparents asked how I was handling everything. I just kept a singular gaze on my baby sister, Chyna, as she played with her new PlayStation game that our grandparents bought. I guess they figured since she’d been spending so much time with them she should be comfortable.

“I’ll be fine. I have a few errands to run first thing in the morning. By noon I’ll need a ride to the train station.” My voice was devoid of emotion, I couldn’t cry. My entire being was numb, anesthetized from the pain of losing nearly everyone I’d depended on at that point in my life. Everyone I trusted without reservation. The people I loved without fear. My family had been destroyed, one by one. My first love had betrayed me. And I was stripped from the core of those essential relationships that help shape one’s ability to trust and love with no guards.

“Why? Where are you going?” My grandparents recited the words in unison like a sitcom couple.

“I’ll probably be headed back down to North Carolina. I need to get a head start on my studies. You know how you always told us Grandpa, Do whatever it takes to gain a lead. So I’m gonna do whatever it is I have to do.” I was gaming my grandparents. I just needed an exit. I felt the urge to run. But in that moment all I kept thinking about was Chyna. Would she ever forgive her big sister for abandoning her when she needed her most?

I was experiencing several emotions at once but one of them definitely wasn’t confusion. I still hadn’t decided against my initial plan before uncovering the melee, which was getting the hell out of Jersey. And I knew the first thing I had to do.

“Well, will you need any money? Honey, if you need us, your grandfather and I are here,” My grandmother graciously nodded with a painful smile.

“Maybe we should give your father a call and tell him that you’re here. He asked of your whereabouts when we spoke last. Do you want us to give him a call?” My grandfather chimed.

“Fu…” I paused remembering whose presence I was in. My grandparents were devout Christians and profanity, no matter how justified, was prohibited. My sentiment was ‘Fuck him!’ however, I maintained my good senses.

“No. I’m just not ready to face him right now,” was what I settled on as an appropriate response.

Later that night I located the piece of paper that published Michelle’s handwritten address and telephone number and cut out into the living room to dial her.

“What’s crackin’, girl?” Michelle greeted with the same enthusiasm that sparked my confidence when we had met.

“You will never believe…” was my response and as I oddly and freely began informing her of the events that had taken place.

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