No…
I leaped to my laptop to go Bossip.com directly, scrolled down until I saw the headline with the most familiar name in the world, and clicked. When the page populated I recognized the thigh again. It was muscular, columnar with wiry hair sprouted masculinity about, but the view…the angle was lewd. It was no doubt a photo of the inner thigh of a man. What made the imaging intrusive was the manner that the name NINA was inked near where one can safely assume his pubic area was. That part you didn’t see; it was covered by a fluffy white pillow. When I was able to swallow the utter shock, I recognized the image was a screen shot of a tweet. The caption read:
A year and a half ago I told U I was nearsighted and would have 2 look close 2 C how far down your tats went. With this view I C how dedicated 2 your loved 1s U really R. #TwentyTwentyVisionBaby #Love #Tats #SevenAllDay
My mouth dropped. My breathing doubled in rate, audibly. It felt like my entire tense frame misted in sweat and heat flushed all over. Did she really post this on social media? Erika was bold, risky, occasionally shameless even, but how did Stenton fare with this? He’s not an attention seeker.
THIS IS PERSONAL, ERIKA! screamed in my head.
The idiot even believed the name was a familial reference. Who memorializes family on an intimate place on their body that won’t be seen by anyone but a lover? Just shameless, that woman! I slammed my laptop shut, pushed away from the table needing to distance myself from the debauchery. But then something hit me. I went back to the computer and onto the intended site before that trash stole my attention. I ordered the sign for the bakery, feeling satisfied after hitting “Complete Order.”
If I could pinpoint the time when my emotions began to spin out of control it would be that night. I didn’t know how to handle Stenton’s relationship with Erika, but had to accept it. I’d gotten caught up, listening to blogs and radio gossip. ‘Are they together or are they not?’ ‘Did she cheat or didn’t she?’ The only thing I did know for sure was that he didn’t want me. Most days, I was fine. I went about life with all its adventures. I had a business to kick off, one that was growing more all-consuming by the week. It had been an exciting distraction, but not enough.
I set it up so that I saw Stenton less and less. His time with Jordan wasn’t affected at all. Now that the baby was old enough to stay away from me for days at a time, Stenton didn’t need to come by like he used to. We’d arranged to have Jordan dropped off or picked up. My desire shifted from wanting to be with him. It eventually turned into simply wanting to be a twenty-three year old and hang out sometimes. I didn’t want to be an old rag who didn’t know how to have a good time. It was bad enough that I grew up very sheltered; I didn’t want to die that way.
I started hanging out with Tynisha on occasion. It was good for me to get out and mingle with people. This was good for business, too. Of course, I had my fair share of interested guys aside from Jacques. Some were good, some decent, and some just horrible. The most pathetic ones were those who wanted me because of who my son’s father was. Those were C-list celebrities. I even got a Laker, who tried his hand. It didn’t take long for me to learn he was Stenton’s nemesis and was more interested in pissing Stenton off than getting to know me. That encounter lasted all of two weeks. And then there was Bernard who’d made it clear over the years he wanted a relationship, but bought my excuse of not wanting a relationship with Jordan being so young. That was my story and I was sticking to it.