“Okay, let’s hear it. Let’s hear this brilliant plan.” He forced a tight smile.
I took another deep breath and let it out, relieved that I got through my first round of chastisement with Chesney. I prepared myself for round two as I rolled out my instructions for the next phase to him.
Before I left his office, he damn near had that stroke after all.
~~~~~~~~~~
Now
July 2014
~Zoey~
BETRAYAL. That word not only flashes in my mind repeatedly, but it also surges my veins to the point of physiological pain. How could he betray my innocence? How could he take advantage of my eagerness to connect with him back then?
For seven years, I’ve carried a fragment of guilt with me. Every day I’ve awakened, each decision I’ve processed and every avenue I’ve pursued has been done with the weight of my guilt—his deception. My pregnancy, motherhood—Stenton’s malicious act—has changed the trajectory of my life; put me on an entirely different path. To someone with limited view, it would appear my life has played out well with a healthy child, my Ivy League degrees, Stenton’s wealth, and his commitment to our child, but to me—the young adolescent whose growth was stunted and heart was stolen at the tender age of 21—my dreams were snatched and a path set for me. This revelation burns me.
Who does he think he is, playing God with my life? What sick, perverted diabolism. I was a twenty-one-year-old kid! Stenton not only committed larceny with my tender heart, he did it with my youth as well. My god, when I think of the old zealous, optimistic and strong Zoey, my heart shatters at the memory in her wake. She’s...gone.
Who am I? Yeah, I’ve been fortunate with the bakeries and opportunities to expand my vision for business, but who am I? What fuels me? Outside of work, where is my passion? Who are my friends? Even that aspect has been affected by his selfish decision. No, Angela would have not approved of my relationship with Stenton, but it would not have been discovered had I not gotten pregnant. Had he not taken advantage of me. Who knows, perhaps our relationship would have fizzled and Stenton moved on to someone else. I could have found someone who appreciates Zoey. Instead, I got caught up, in love with a man who took me off my carefully planned path, leaving me to wonder: Who is Zoey?
I’ve cried and stirred all night, cogitating this quagmire of entrapment from every angle. My pillow is stained from gallons of tears during this rumination. My eyes burn, my throat feels like a ball of spikes from muffled cries, and my head throbs from being rummaged through for answers.
Was this worth it, Stenton? What was his rationale? I’ve known this man for almost ten years and would have never thought he was capable of something so deplorable…so fiendish. There are two lives involved here: mine and my son’s. How different would my and Jordan’s lives been had Stenton not done this to me?
When I asked those questions after his vomiting session, I got no answers. Stenton seemed to not have been able to find his words. His eyes were brimmed with tears and shoulders hung low. All he could utter was “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” How generic. My last words to him were advice to keep his distance from my family and me. I can’t believe this has happened to me! What did I do to deserve this?
There’s a knock at the door. I glance at the clock. It’s 4:46 in the morning.
“Co—” I clear my throat. “Come in.”
Please, god, don’t let this be Stenton. I may throw a lamp at him.
The door slowly pushes open and Jordan’s little head cranes in. Weight lifts from my chest at the sight of his little marbled eyes. I notice his zombie-like approach when he pushes the door completely open as if someone’s behind him. That’s when I catch a long corded arm covered in ink pull the door closed, leaving just an inch ajar.