Shock coursed through my system, making it hard for me to understand his words. “What are you talking about? Everyone’s arrived. Odds are they’ll show up here, see your numbers, and there won’t be a fight anyway. I know you’re worried, but don’t be so dramatic.”
He shook his head somberly. “Nay, love. No everyone did arrive. The MacChristys were slaughtered, lass. All. The Kinnairds barely escaped before their own castle was taken. Even with Ramsay’s men, we will be outnumbered. All within the walls of this castle will greet death today, and I canna let ye join us as well. Ye had a life in yer own time. Return to it. Leave, so that I can die knowing that I at least saved ye from my own fate.”
I ran to him them, shock and desperation making me cold as I threw my arms around him, seeking his warmth. “No. I won’t go, Eoin.”
“Ye must, lass. I’m no a controlling man, but I canna give ye a choice. Ye will do the spell.”
Tears broke loose, and I sobbed uncontrollably against him, my fear of losing him pushing away any embarrassment over my behavior. “I can’t . . . I can’t go back to my life before.” Sobs racked through my chest, and my head throbbed as if it might explode. “Not after you! I didn’t know before. I didn’t understand how little I had. I’d never be able to survive there now.”
He pried my arms loose from around his waist so that he could look down at me. He shook me roughly. “Now, listen to me. Doona ye tell me that ye won’t survive. Ye must. Knowing that I’ve kept ye safe is the only thing that will allow me to fight and die with my men and no flee from here like a coward. If ye love me, Bri, ye will go. And ye will live a long and happy life in yer own time.”
I shook my head as I sobbed, wailing uncontrollably, all rationale gone. “This is my time now. Don’t make me do it, Eoin. Please. Don’t send me away. If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask it.”
He slapped me, stunning me enough that my sobs subsided briefly.
“Doona ever say that I doona love ye. Do ye no understand what it takes of me to send ye back?”
“No! Because I would never ask it of you.” He’d released his grip on my arms, and I crushed myself against him once more, holding on less tightly, slowly surrendering. I knew his mind was made up.
“Aye, I expect ye would, love, but I know tis hard for ye to see now.”
“I’m scared, Eoin. I can’t stand the thought of leaving you. I’d rather die here.”
“Nay, lass. I’d be no help to my men if I had to worry about ye. Ye must go now so that we can prepare the best we can. If by some miracle we are spared, I swear to ye, I shall find a way back to ye. Even if I must don awful shreds of clothing like the ones ye love so much and travel into that strange place to get ye.”
I laughed against his chest. “I would love to see that. Eoin.”
“Aye, lass?”
“I need you once more. To feel you in me so that I can hold onto that memory and always know that you were real.” Despite my tears, I could hear how corny I sounded. I didn’t care.
He responded only by lifting my dress and picking me up off the ground so that he could plunge inside of me. We fell to the ground with a desperate passion that had us moving against one another so we both reached release almost instantly. It was over too quickly, but instead of standing he removed my dress so that I lay before him naked. Silently he scattered a trail of warm kisses down my body.
“I am glad I shall die tonight, lass. For I doona think I could live a day without ye by my side. With each kiss I take a piece of ye to keep with me, and when I take my last breath, however it may find me, it shall be yer face that I see when my eyes close the last time.”
“Eoin,” I reached down to place my hand in his hair, coaxing him back up to me so that I could kiss him once more.
“It’s time, love. I canna stay to watch ye do the spell. I’m afraid I would stop ye from doing it. But ye must, just as I must now go to prepare the men. When I leave, change into yer strange clothes and do the spell as quickly as ye can.”
We stood, and he wrapped his arms around me one last time. “I shall always love ye beyond time itself. Even after I’m dead and buried, ye shall feel my love for ye wherever ye may go.”
He released his hold, and by the time I looked up he was gone. Dutifully, I set about to follow his last instructions.
Chapter 39
I should’ve been gone by now. Hours had passed since he’d left me standing naked in the spell room. And while I did break down and cry for the better part of an hour after he’d left, I was now strangely calm and collected.