Living London

chapter Nine



"Miss? Wake up. We have to get you ready."

Libby's voice smashed my lovely dream into mirrored fragments as I tried to open my eyes.

"Miss, Lord Ashby will be here soon, and you're not even out of bed yet."

At the mention of his name I remembered our date, or whatever they called it during this era, for riding in the park. I hopped out of bed, then regretted my rash decision. The bedpost provided support till the world stopped spinning.

"My lady? Are you well?" Libby asked, concerned.

"Fine," I mumbled, my throat thick with sleep. As soon as I regained my balance I fixed my determined gaze on Libby. "What am I wearing?"

After I'd been dressed properly for a morning ride, I hurried through a quick breakfast and waited upstairs for my guest to arrive. I was so nervous. What should I say? All my old insecurities came flooding back, and I tried desperately to remember Nanna's voice.

"Love, you are special."There has never been and never will be anyone like you. You mustn't worry about being the same as others. Be who you were created to be. Be Jocelyn Westin, for there will never be another one. Laugh, dance, and don't be afraid. Never, never be afraid."

Her words comforted me as I remembered her voice in my head. She'd spoken those to me after my senior prom, when I hadn't been invited by a single boy. Not that I'd particularly liked anyone specific—small school and slim pickin's—but it would have been nice to be asked. And here I was about to go on a date with English perfection. I didn't want to blow my chances. Though as fear crept into my heart, I remembered something else she had said.

"If you're afraid that someone won't like you when you're simply being yourself, don't change who you are. If they love you, they are wise. If they don't, they weren't meant to be your friend to begin with. You should never have to change who you are to find love. Real love is unconditional.

And that was what I wanted, the unconditional stuff. Was Lord Ashby my Mr. Unconditional? I had no idea, but I was going to find out.

"Lord Ashby is here, miss," Wains announced in his dry accent.

"Thank you, Wains. I'll be there momentarily." And here we go…

Gripping the railing so I wouldn't slip and embarrass myself, I purposefully avoided looking at Lord Ashby till I was on level ground, knowing he would be a distraction. I was right. The blue of his eyes twinkled and sobered as he looked me over, not in the fashion of Lord Rake, but as if he were noticing the little details that set me apart. "Good morning, Miss Westin," he said as he offered his arm.

"Good morning, Lord Ashby," I returned as I took his arm.

We descended the stairs and left the house. Glad to be wearing my Spencer jacket in the cool London morning, I glanced up and wondered when it would start raining. If I had learned anything about London weather it was that if it wasn't raining, it would be soon. In truth, it was like Seattle, only smellier. A morning mist hovered above the grass, and the sun hid itself behind gray clouds.

Lord Ashby was quiet as he helped me into his curricle. Then, grabbing the reins, he set us in motion. After last night I found myself unsure, not knowing how to act. After all, he had almost kissed me, but somehow in the morning light, everything looked different.

We'd moved no more than a few feet forward before I felt raindrops begin splash against my skin. "Why must it always rain?" I groaned to myself, not meaning to say the words out loud.

Lord Ashby considered me with an amused grin. "We are in England, you know."

"Oh? Seems I had forgotten that," I joked.

"London, to be exact, just to alleviate any confusion."

"Noted. Thank you."

His face was lit up in an amused grin, giving me view of a dimple on his right cheek. Clearly he found the whole conversation wildly entertaining. "If you require further description we're in Hyde…"

I leaned over and knocked him with my shoulder. "You're making fun of me," I accused with a grin, thankful for the easy conversation.

"I help the lady, and she accuses me of mockery!" he protested jokingly.

"I'm not accusing you of anything. Merely stating the truth, sir. Would you dare disagree?"

"Never." He sobered, but the edges of his mouth threatened to turn up into a grin.

"I knew you were smart."

"Why, thank you." He nodded his head in acceptance of my compliment.

"So tell me, Lord Ashby, what does one talk about during a ride in Hyde Park? I won't pretend to have a clue as to what I'm to do."

"Honesty becomes you."

"I know," I replied with a saucy grin.

"So does humility, which you seem to have mastered."

"Hey!" I argued. "I'm proud of my humility, thank you kindly."

"I see."

"Be sure that you do," I teased.

He gave me a flirtatious smile before returning his attention to the road. "To answer your question, miss, as a gentleman, I would ask you about your hobbies, likes, dislikes, and family. You, in turn, would simper over my strength and ability to control my horseflesh. Commenting on my masculine ability to exceed in each sport I named."

"Sounds dreadfully dishonest."

"It is," he admitted with a chuckle.

"May I simply be honest, then?"

"I would greatly appreciate it."

"And you'll tell me if my questions are too personal?" I eyed him, making sure I wasn’t being too forward.

"As I stated last night," he paused and his gaze caressed my lips, causing them to tingle, "I promise not to be offended by your honesty, only to welcome it."

I watched him, reading his expression and its sincerity before I continued. "What do you want in life? What drives you and makes you push yourself to be better?"

"No beating around the bush, eh?" His eyes searched mine for a brief moment.

I blushed, wondering if I had pushed a little too far. He turned toward me and made eye contact, captivating me with the depth of his blue gaze. "I want…" He looked toward the horizon and narrowed his eyes, as if trying to see into the future. "As trite as it may sound, I want what my parents had. To be stronger because they've survived, and love deeper because they have it to lose. It's hard to articulate what I want exactly, but it is much easier to know what I do not want. I don't want to settle for anything less than the truth — in friends, business, Lord willing, a wife, and more importantly, myself. Does that make any sense?"

His eyes begged me to understand, and I did, completely. "I think it makes perfect sense." I nodded with a slight smile. "I can see how those very things would drive you as well, providing you with motivation."

"Indeed. You asked a hard question, Miss Westin. May I in turn ask you the same?"

"Of course, but I doubt I'll be as eloquent in my answer."

"Honesty trumps eloquence any day in my book."

I grinned in response, silently hoping he meant it. "I want to leave a legacy. As a woman I think of children, family, and their care, and what I didn't have as a child. Money is wonderful and has its uses, but it cannot buy joy or love." I paused, thinking of Nanna's words. "Real love, the love of friends or family or a spouse, should never be dependent on circumstances or finances. If I find unconditional love and give it in return, then I've succeeded. I'm convinced it's rarer than diamonds."

I'd spoken in the direction of the horses, breaking eye contact as my courage failed me in the end. Turning toward him, I read the approval on his face and breathed a sigh of relief. It was so wonderful to be myself and not have to worry about doing or saying the right thing.

"Bravo. Eloquent and honest." His earnest gaze made my toes feel warm.

"Hardly, but I thank you nonetheless," I replied, trying not to sound shy.

"And look, it stopped raining." He nodded towards the sky with his chin.

"Miracles do happen," I commented.

He reached over and caressed my gloved hand with his finger. "Yes. Yes, they do."