He finished his gyro with a big bite and washed it down with a swig of Coke.
“I’m a little bummed,” he said at last. He sighed and sat back. I tried to meet his stare, but it was so intense, so penetrating, that I finally looked away. “I like you, Hannah. That night after the memorial was so fucking fun. And I got this … idea.” He pressed a hand to his head as if the idea were an ache. “This idea that you’d go for me. You liked Matt and he was a dick—no offense, bro.” Seth winked at the ceiling. “And you like Nate. So why—”
“Whoa, there. I loved Matt, yes. I like Nate as a friend, that’s it.”
“Fine, why can’t I be a friend?”
I ground my teeth. Seth would drive the conversation into awkward land.
For the space of a minute, I pictured Nate’s face—darkly handsome and dignified, always full of kindness—and then I pictured Matt. Gorgeous Matt … passionate, aloof.
“You’re smiling,” Seth said.
“Yeah.” I looked him dead in the eye. “Thinking about Matt.”
“Is it too soon? Is that the problem?”
I finished my gyro and piled our trays together.
“You’re being pretty aggressive about this, Seth.”
“I just want to know if I have a chance.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Why not?”
Because Matt is still alive.
I shrugged and crumpled my napkin.
“Okay,” Seth persisted. “Do you think I’m attractive?”
I frowned at him. “Obviously you’re attractive, Seth. I’m sure you’re aware. If you need me to reinforce that fact, you’ve got some serious middle child syndrome going.”
“Hey, maybe I do.”
“Can we walk around?”
“Uh-huh…” Seth watched me as I discarded our trash. I felt his dark eyes on me.
Abruptly, Seth stood and stalked off.
I jogged to catch up.
“I hate the mall,” he snapped. “It makes me tired and depressed. And you know what? It’s fucking depressing and sad that you made me take you to dinner at the food court.”
I studied the passing floor.
Yeah … I was starting to feel like an asshole for suggesting we dine at the food court. Except … “I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” I mumbled.
“Wrong idea not gotten, have no fear.”
We moved aimlessly through the mall. We didn’t go into any stores or talk at all, which suited me fine. I hate small talk.
After a while, Seth caught my hand.
“Hannah,” he said, drawing me up short. “Let me try something. Let me just—”
His words ignited a memory—so vivid—and my cheeks flushed. I remembered Matt in my car, the first time he rode away from the cabin with me. Our heated kiss that turned into more. Let me just … touch it, Hannah … let me put my mouth on it. Please …
Seth’s desperation sounded identical.
He pulled my body to his and hugged me. I thought he was going for a kiss, but no … just a hug? Or was he holding me? I stiffened in his arms. Get a grip, Hannah. Hug Seth like you’d hug Nate. Except Seth and Nate had nothing in common.
Hugging them had nothing in common …
I relaxed enough to wrap my arms around Seth’s back. Oh, he felt hunger-thin under his coat. Just like Matt—hard muscle and bone. Why didn’t Seth have a girlfriend? Who took care of this wild boy? It could never be me. I had my own wild boy to take care of.
I gave Seth a gentle squeeze and heard him exhale.
“I miss him.” He spoke into my hair. “Matt. Why did it happen this way?”
I swallowed a knot of guilt and laid my cheek against his chest.
Seth pressed his hips to mine.
Shoppers parted around us, oblivious or annoyed.
Seth nudged me against a wall. My body bumped against his and I felt the unmistakable bulge of his arousal. I struggled, the friction making him twitch and expand. He gasped.
“Hannah, I—”
My pity turned to cold alarm.
“Get off me!”
With a violent shove, I launched myself out of Seth’s grip. I sprinted into the crowd. I crashed into a stranger and bleated an apology.