What now?
Hannah placed my mail and the index cards on the island. I wanted to touch her—to lift her dress—and then I thought about Seth and felt ill.
“I’m glad you read it,” I said. “Now you know.”
“What do I know?” She lingered by the counter.
That I love you, I thought, and that I didn’t sleep with Mel, and how everything slid out of control. But all I said was, “I need a shower. I won’t be long. Stay if you want.”
I left her standing in the kitchen.
And I knew she’d be gone when I got back.
Chapter 41
HANNAH
Matt disappeared around the corner and soon I heard water jolting the old pipes. Jeez, he was dripping sweat. He never ran like that when we were together.
I drifted through the kitchen and living room. I trailed my fingers over Matt’s marble notebook. Last Light. It was a sequel to Night Owl. More of our story. And what a story it was.
Why didn’t he tell me about it?
I spent a moment in front of the hallway mirror, blew my nose and dried my eyes, and then I settled on the couch. Laurence watched my benignly.
If Matt’s story was true, and I believed it was, then he never slept with Mel. He also spared me the harrowing details of his fall and the mountain lion attack.
And, though I hated to admit it, reading Matt’s version of events helped me understand why he put Night Owl online—just a little. I still thought it was wrong, but at least I understood.
I stared into space until I heard the whine of our bedroom door.
Oh …
Matt was getting dressed.
I could walk into that room right now and find him peeling off his towel, naked, clean …
“You’re still here.”
I started. Heat rushed to my cheeks when I laid eyes on him. Good Lord. His towel-dried hair spiked in every direction. His handsome face was somber, eyes glowing. Dark lounge pants and a T-shirt clung perfectly to his stunning body.
For fuck’s sake—this was exactly why I shouldn’t be around him. He had this infuriating mind-melting effect on me.
I stared at my knees.
“Yeah,” I said. “Still here.” Still working up the courage to tell you that I lied about sleeping with Seth … and then gave him a hand job.
Matt’s quiet chuckle sounded behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. He stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, shuffling through the index cards I’d prepared. His gaze flickered to me and I lowered my eyes. Fucking fuck. What the hell was going on here? Somehow, within the space of three weeks, I had reverted to Hannah Who Cannot Speak Much Less Think Around Matt Sky.
And I was supposed to be angry with him.
And he should really be angry with me.
Instead, he seemed quietly grateful for my presence.
“These are too much. Pam wants me to quote Thoreau?” He laughed. “It’s quite simple, Gail. ‘I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.’”
“Yeah, Pam is … kind of funny.”
“Mm, kind of.”
I listened to the flip, flip of the cards in Matt’s hands. The sound stopped, and he padded around the couch to stand before me.
“Look at me, Hannah.”
I gazed up at him. This close, I could see the deep emerald tone in his eyes and smell the subtle spice of his soap.
“What did you think of my new book?” he prompted.
“Um…” My fingers knotted on my lap. “It’s a lot to process right now. You probably have no idea how weird it is … to read about yourself in a book. In so much detail.”
“No, I don’t.” A trace of amusement glimmered in Matt’s eyes—what the hell could he find humorous right now?—but he looked dead serious in the next moment. “I’m sorry I keep writing about you. I keep thinking about you. I’m obsessed with you.”
I inhaled swiftly.
I’m obsessed with you. Words that should frighten me. But Matt spoke with a calm honesty that undercut my fear.
I gave a minute nod.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay?”
“Yeah … okay.”