“Babe, heard you make yourself come.”
Oh God. Oh no. Oh God. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
His arm gave me a shake and I focused on him. “Is that why?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
His hand not around me went to his face, palm to forehead, he closed his eyes and muttered, “Fuck me.”
“Ty –” I started but he dropped his hand and his eyes locked with mine.
“That the reason behind you throwing sass?”
I bit my lip. Then I mumbled, “Yes.”
“Fuck me,” he repeated.
“Ty –” I began again and he rolled me so I was on my back and he was looming over me.
“I don’t even want to count the days I been usin’ my hand instead of your * to get off.”
“Ty!” I snapped.
“What? You shared the honesty but you can’t take it?”
“No,” I shot back, feeling my eyes narrow, “I just figured this is the start of something. We’re starting something. And I didn’t think I should hold anything back. Keep any secrets. That’s not a good way to start. Ronnie kept shit from me all the time. Bets he made gambling. Shit Shift was into. It goes on. I know you have to keep your grand plan o’ vengeance secret and I get that but other than that, if we’re starting something it should be out there. So, I saw you, I liked what I saw, it made me angry I couldn’t let myself have it because I couldn’t be sure I could trust it and I took that anger out on you. There. Now you know.”
His bizarre response was, “Think I proved a couple times real recent I got a dick.”
“Yes,” I hissed.
“Babe, I haven’t had * in over five years. I walk out of the joint and there you stand. You. All of you. Can you get, even a little bit, how tough this has been on me? Now you’re sharin’ that you saw me jackin’ off, which, by the way, I was doin’ thinkin’ of you in your bikini down by the pool, and you liked what you saw so much you had to make yourself come in the shower and you think that’s good?”
I glared up at him because maybe he had a small point and I was using the glare as cover.
Then I mumbled, “Maybe I should have kept that to myself.”
His brows shot up and he asked, “You think?”
“I was just trying to be open,” I snapped.
His big hand cupped my cheek and his face got close to mine before he said, “I get it that things were fucked between you and Rodriguez but you are not lyin’ naked next to him, Lexie. You’re lyin’ naked next to me. I’m a different man. You don’t wanna make the same mistakes. I get that too. But you gotta get that I am not him. You’re right, we’re startin’ somethin’ here. We are. He does not factor in.”
Okay, he had another point and maybe that one wasn’t so small.
“So you’re saying I should have kept it from you?”
“No, I’m sayin’ you shoulda picked a better time because just then, I was feelin’ good. Just then, I was lyin’ there, lookin’ at the ceiling, the sweetest * I’ve ever had pressed naked to my side. Just then, I was thinkin’ about two weeks ago, a month ago, three months ago, four years ago, how I would lie in that fuckin’ bed in that fuckin’ cell and think what was done to me meant I’d never taste * that sweet. And, just then, I was fuckin’ grateful that the life that sucked that I thought yawned before me was not the life that walkin’ out of that place led me to and then you tell me I coulda had it over a week ago and for a man who’s lost five years of his life, a week is a really fuckin’ long time.”
My hand still at his neck squeezed and I whispered, “I didn’t know any of that.”
He drew in breath through his nose and looked over my head.
Then his eyes came back to mine.
“You’re right, baby, you didn’t. So, I’ll clue you in so you never walk into somethin’ like that again. It’s doubtful you’ll ever have done to you what was done to me so you can’t know and you’ll never know, hope to God. But I been out for eleven days. I still smell that place, hear the bars slammin’ shut, walk everywhere with one eye over my shoulder. It’s gonna take awhile to shake that. And I got that for breathin’. I did nothin’ but live my life. I did nothin’ to be punished for, nothin’ that needed reforming. Now, I gotta go see a parole officer, I gotta put up with whatever shit the Carnal PD is gonna shovel and I gotta do what I gotta do to make what was done to me right in a way that I can live with it. We’re startin’ somethin’ and, you want it open, that’s what’s on my mind, that’s what I’m livin’ with and you’re livin’ with me so that’s what you gotta live with. So for awhile, until I settle, you need to have a care.”
“I can have a care,” I said softly and I also said it immediately.
And just as immediately, his eyes changed and again it was a meaningful change but this time Ty would explain it.
“Shit, what’d I do that I walked outta that nightmare straight to you?” he murmured.