I paused outside the door, inhaling slowly and then letting it out in one long sigh. When I walked back in, I cleared my throat and launched in to chapter two without ever looking up at the class. Of course I only managed to avoid Kane’s eyes for about ten minutes, and when I made the mistake of glancing at him, his elbow was rested casually on the sidearm of his desk, his hand to his mouth as his middle finger grazed back and forth over his lower lip. The way his head was cocked to the side made me think he felt bad for me, sad, embarrassed for me even.
I forced my attention to move away and continued my lecture until I’d covered everything there was to cover from Thales to Zeno, and when I pulled the stack of quizzes from my briefcase, the room erupted in groans. I unclipped the paperclip from the stack, and I walked along the front row, handing a portion out to each student there to pass back. When I handed a stack to Kane, he glanced up at me and took the stack, refusing to break eye contact until I’d moved on.
“You have until the end of the class period to complete this. It shouldn’t take you the full forty-five minutes, but you have it if you need it. There are three short answer and one long answer. Support your argument well, and you’ll get credit. Fail to support, and you won’t. You’re free to leave when finished.”
I sat in the desk chair, and I leaned back and waited. It was fifteen minutes later when the first student stood and walked up to my desk. He handed me the quiz, and as I glanced down it was to see that it was half blank. He was already walking away by the time I glanced back up. My money was on him dropping before the following week.
Quiz after quiz was turned in after that, and I collected them in my briefcase one after another. Bathroom girl who thought she needed to work harder at school turned her quiz in, her handwriting large and bubbly.
“Thank you,” I said as I accepted the pages. I glanced down, taking in her name and trying to be kinder than I’d managed in the restroom. “Abby.” I smiled.
Her natural smile widened instantly. “Thanks, Professor Hess.” And then she walked out.
There were only five students left at that point, and when hallway flirt girl finished, she turned her quiz in and then walked close to Kane’s desk, placing a small slip of paper on his desktop. He glanced up, glanced at the paper, and then glanced back up again. He watched the girl walk from the room, and when his focus shifted back it caught on me. He stared for a moment, but then he glanced back down to his desktop, pocketing the paper quickly.
My heart pounded, and a desperate ache in my chest clenched tight around it. Three more quizzes were turned in, and then it was just us. His pen had been still for many long minutes, and I knew he was waiting to be alone with me. He stood, walking toward the desk, and when he set the quiz down, his fingers paused still touching the paper.
“She’s a little young for you don’t you think?” The question from my own mouth reeked of jealousy, and I hated the tone of my voice. This was a man who’d left my life long ago of his own will and choosing. He didn’t deserve jealousy that in all truth confused me. Kane had never been my boyfriend. Friend, yes. Best friend, perhaps. And while he’d touched me and done things to me only a lover should, he’d not stuck around long enough afterward to help me sort any of it out. He sure as hell hadn’t stuck around long enough to be anything more than a long forgotten memory. Sadly, I had a very good memory.
“She apparently doesn’t think so.”
My focus snapped to his eyes, and his nostrils flared as his jaw tightened. He crossed his arms defensively, but he looked guilty.
“I don’t need your judgment. I’m not a kid anymore. And even if I was, you were never my girlfriend.” He stared at me, his expression tight and challenging. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m the person I once was. You’ll only be disappointed when you realize I’m not.”
“That’s really unfortunate,” I said as I snapped the latch on my briefcase closed. “Because I really liked that boy. He was good, he was smart, he was caring, he was respectful.”
He finally scoffed. “No I wasn’t, remember?” he muttered.
“You were to me,” I responded, and then I grabbed my briefcase and walked out. My cheeks burned, but I forced my gate to remain steady and unhurried.
Chapter Seven
Kane
Eleven Years Ago
My jaw ached by the time he let Helene close her legs. I kept making the mistake of looking at her eyes while I was licking her. I needed to see her, but at the same time, it was torture seeing the terror in her eyes and knowing what I was doing to her.
She was a virgin for fuck sake. I knew she was. She’d confessed it after a few shots of vodka once, and I had no idea where this was going to end for her. To think I might be part of doing that to her… I wanted to kill this man. I was also terrified of him—as terrified as Helene, so when he said, “That’s enough fucking foreplay,” I was almost afraid to stop. I didn’t want to know what came next.