"I'm sorry, Annabel," he told me. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
Maybe this was what I'd wanted, all along. Not an apology—and certainly not one from Owen—but an acknowledgment. What mattered most, though, was that I'd gotten through it, finally—beginning, middle, and end. Which did not, of course, mean it was over.
"So what are you going to do?" he asked me later, when we were standing by the Land Cruiser, having had to leave the booth to make room for the next show, which was hosted by two cheery local realtors.
"Are you going to call that woman? About the trial?"
"I don't know," I said.
I knew that in any other circumstance he'd be telling me exactly how he felt about this, but this time he held back. For about a minute.
"The thing is," he said, "there aren't a whole lot of opportunities in life to really make a difference. This is one of them."
"Easy for you to say," I said. "You always do the right thing."
"No, I don't," he replied, shaking his head. "I just do the best I can—"
"—under the circumstances, I know," I finished for him. "But I'm scared. I don't know if I can do it."
"Of course you can," he said.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because you just did," he said. "Coming here, and telling me that? That's huge. Most people couldn't do it. But you did."
"I had to," I said. "I wanted to explain."
"And you can do it again," he replied. "Just call that woman and tell her what you told me."
I reached up, running a hand through my hair. "There's more to it than that," I said. "What if she wants me to come testify or something? I'd have to tell my parents, my mom… I don't know if she can take it."
"She can."
"You don't even know her," I said.
"I don't have to," he replied. "Look, this is important. You know that. So do what you have to do, and then go from there. Your mom just might surprise you."
I felt a lump rise in my throat. I wanted to believe this was true, and maybe it was.
Owen dropped his bag to the ground, then crouched down beside it, rummaging around. I had a flash of him that day behind the school, doing this same thing, and how I'd had no idea in the world what he would come up with, what on earth Owen Armstrong had to offer me. After a moment, he pulled out a picture.
"Here," he said, handing it to me. "For inspiration."
It was the one he'd taken of me the night of Mallory's photo shoot. I was standing in the powder-room doorway, no makeup, my face relaxed, the yellow glow of the light behind me. See , he'd said then, that's what you look like , and as I stared down at it, it seemed like proof, finally, that I was not the girl from Mallory's wall or the Kopf's commercial or even the party that night in May. That something in me had changed that fall, because of Owen, even if I only now could really see it.
"Mallory told me to give it to you," he said. "But…"
"But?" I said.
"… I didn't," he finished.
I knew maybe I shouldn't ask. But I did anyway. "Why not?"
"I liked it," he said with a shrug. "I wanted to hang on to it."
It was the picture I was holding that afternoon when I finally got up the nerve to call Andrea Thomlinson, the woman whose card Emily had given me. I left a message on her voice mail, and she called back within ten minutes. Emily was right: She was nice. We talked for forty-five minutes. And when she asked if I'd come to the courthouse the next day, in case they needed me, even though I knew what it meant to do so, I agreed. As soon as we hung up, I called Owen.
"Good for you," he said when I told him what I'd done. His voice was warm, pleased, and I pressed the receiver closer, letting it fill my ear. "You did the right thing."
"Yeah," I said. "I know. But now I have to get up in front of people…"
"You can do it," he said, and when I sighed, not at all sure of this, he said, "You can. Look, if you're nervous about tomorrow—"
"If?" I said.
"—then I'll go with you. If you want."
"You'd do that," I said.
"Sure," he replied. So easily, no question. "Just tell me where and when."
We arranged to meet at the fountain in front of the courthouse, just before nine. I knew that even without him, I still wouldn't be alone. But it was nice to have options.
Now, I took one last look at the picture, then slid it into my bedside-table drawer.
On my way to the living room, where my family was gathered, I stopped to look at the photo in the foyer. As always, my eyes were drawn to my own face first, then those of my sisters, and finally my mother, looking so small between us. But I saw it differently now.
When that picture was taken, we were all gathered around my mother, sheltering her. But that was just one day, one shot. In the time since, we had arranged and rearranged ourselves so many times. We'd all gathered around Whitney, even when she didn't want us to, and Kirsten and I had gotten closer when she pushed us both away. We were still in flux, as had been clear at the table that night as I watched my mother and sisters come together again. Then, I'd been convinced I was on the outside, but really, I'd always been within arm's reach. All I had to do was ask, and I, too, would be easily brought back, surrounded and immersed, finding myself safe, somewhere in between.
I walked across the living room to where my family was gathered around the TV. No one saw me at first, and I just stood there for a second, looking at them all together. Finally, my mom turned her head, and I took in a breath, knowing that whatever I saw in her face, I could do this. I had to.
"Annabel," she said. Then she smiled before moving over to make a place for me beside her. "Come join us."