Grace.
I close my eyes for a moment. I prayed for it, but didn’t ask to be given grace to give. I’d like some. Maybe my prayer line is broken. God’s just not understanding what I need and I’m growing more frustrated by the day.
“Everything’s good. Mom just called to check in,” I lied. He knows it’s a lie and Roland probably does, too, but we all just nod.
I chance a quick look to Roland and find him eyeing me sympathetically. I look to the floor, where I wish I could keep my eyes for the entirety of this conversation. However long it lasts.
CHAPTER FOUR
Glad You Came
Kennedy.
That’s got to be Matt’s dad in the doorway. Matt looks like him the way I look like Roland—unmistakable. Though, unlike Roland and me, Matt and the man in the doorway have the same hair, making them look like twins born a couple of decades apart.
I have no idea why Roland and I thought this little luncheon would be a good idea. It’s so damn awkward. Mom doesn’t know where to look, Roland doesn’t know where to stand—though he’s settled with Matt and the man in the doorway—and I don’t know what to do. Though, the alternative was to not see any of my friends until class tomorrow, and I didn’t want to do that, either.
“Give me a second,” I whisper to Mom, indicating that I do, in fact, want to talk to her alone, but need a few minutes to talk to my friends first. She nods, her eyes not fully focusing on mine even though she’s smiling.
There’s an empty chair across from the couch holding Silas, Jonah, and Eden, and next to Bridgette. I throw myself onto it like I weigh six hundred pounds, and offer a loud sigh.
“Thanks for coming, guys. Sorry this is so weird.”
Bridgette leaves her chair and gives me a tight hug. “You were great, Kennedy.”
“For real,” Eden agrees as Bridgette sits back down. “There’s no way I could have stood up there and done what you did. In front of all those people.” She shakes her head rapidly. “No way.”
“It was pretty brave of you,” Jonah interjects.
“Thanks,” I mumble, running a hand over my hair and looking over at Matt. “Is that his dad?” I ask of the group.
“Must be,” Eden leans forward. “They look exactly alike, and I don’t think he has any older brothers.”
Silas claps his hands together and leans forward so his elbows are perched on his knees. “It is,” he answers with certainty, but offering nothing else. “So, now what happens for you?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I go back to my regularly scheduled life starting tomorrow?” I break into nervous laughter and most of the group follows. Silas doesn’t laugh much as it is so I didn’t really expect him to follow.
“I mean,” he continues, “what’s your plan? Are you going to, like, work with Roland here? Change your major? Move in with him?”
I huff through my nose. “I don’t see why any of those things are necessary right now.”
Silas shifts in his seat. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him sit still for very long. “You’ve got a big commitment to take on, Kennedy.”
Jonah leans forward, arching his eyebrow toward Silas. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Silas faces Jonah, “she’s gotta kind of get her act together, don’t you think? She can’t keep working downtown and skate by without doing volunteer work now that people know who she is.”
I clear my throat and wave. “I’m over here. And, why can’t I work downtown? At the university-approved coffee shop?” I arch my eyebrow as I throw that last bit in.
Silas gives an aggravated-sounding sigh. “Because. Because I guarantee you if there are kids on this campus who are questioning and who hang out with more liberal ideas like you do, they’re going to be paying attention to you and everything you do. If they have a true heart for Christ and are watching you for cues, you don’t want to be a stumbling block for them, do you?”
I clench my teeth for a brief second before releasing them and licking my lips. “If they’re looking at me before Jesus, they’ve got problems I can’t help them with, Silas. I didn’t ask to be Roland’s daughter,” I remind everyone. And myself.
“But you are,” Eden speaks up.
Jonah nods. “None of us get to choose who our parents are, but we’ve got to deal with them, don’t we?”
“People still need role models, Kennedy,” Bridgette offers softly. “And, for right now, you’re going to be just that, for a lot of people.”
I roll my eyes. “Matt says there’s a band of disenfranchised PK’s who need me.”
Jonah flashes a melancholy smile but Eden cuts in before he can open his mouth.
“And I think you need some of us, more than you did before.” Her voice is soft but intense. A dynamic she masters. More like a pastor than the wife of one, which she aspires to be.