Dan drops his hand and takes a few steps back, shrugging. “Who knows? But, it’s going to be fun to find out. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I murmur as he walks through the short gate, out onto the sidewalk, and back into his life.
One where his wife of fourteen years is in love with another man. Maybe two men at once? Is that really a thing?
Ugh.
Ugggggh.
It’s clear I’m not going to catch an emotional break any time soon, and I think I might just have to surrender to that. It’s time to take some of my floor mate’s nightly prayers and apply them to my life. It’s the only way I’m going to make it through this year in one piece.
“Everything good?” Asher asks, eyeing me curiously as I slip back behind the counter.
I shrug. “I don’t really know what good is anymore.”
“Kennedy?” he asks, seeming to notice that I’m avoiding eye contact.
“Yeah?” I sigh and look up.
Asher continues to study me, concern sweeping over his face. “Nothing,” he finally answers softly. “Just keep on going. Head down and chin up at the same time if you can manage it.” He winks and playfully pinches my chin, having caught onto my habit of lifting it when I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable.
“If I keep my head down,” I reply dryly, “I won’t be able to see the stones flying at my head.”
“Ah,” he answers amusedly. “But your head will already be down, so they’ll sail right over you.”
I chuckle and shoo him away with my hand so I can get back to work.
I spend the next few hours trying to volley between quieting my mind of the sneers of Dean Baker, and praying to God for some guidance. I find myself wishing that my biggest problem was still the difference in religious upbringing between me and my roommates.
When my shift ends, I break a little rule and walk back to campus alone in the graceful silence of the pitch-black night. While students are allowed to work off-campus, if they’re not utilizing public transit they must have someone walk with them to and from their job. This rule, amazingly enough, applies to both men and women and is directed at underclassmen who don’t have privileges yet. They say it’s to help keep students safe and out of trouble, which I half buy.
Either way, I just need to be alone for a while. I’ll deal with the demerits later, if anyone finds out.
When I finally reach my dorm, I slip quickly into my room and under the covers, discarding my shoes, socks, and pants before falling asleep in my Word t-shirt and panties.
I’m skipping Bible study tonight. And, every night until I can figure out why two sets of human eyes can read the same text and walk away treating the world very differently.
Looks like it’ll be a while before I attend again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Fly
Matt.
“Where were you last night?” I ask Kennedy before she’s settled into her seat in the dining hall. I may have sounded a little too eager, but I don’t really care what our friends think, honestly.
She eyes me tiredly and tucks her hair behind her ears. “Just wanted to go to bed. It’s been a long week,” she answers of her absence from Bible study last night. “Wait,” she adds in, “it’s not, like, required, right?”
I shake my head. “No. You’re the one who asked me to come, remember?”
I remember. I remember the way her hair fell in her face as she challenged me to come with her, and the smell of coconut as she walked past me.
“Right. I just didn’t know if we had to, like, keep going if we went once, or something …” She struggles to make eye contact with anyone as she pokes at the dense, slightly grey scrambled eggs on her plate.
“Something’s wrong with you,” I say bluntly as the rest of our friends join us.
Without lifting her face, her eyes move upward and stare directly into mine. “Everything is wrong, Matt,” she half-whispers.
“So” Bridgette squeaks, sitting right next to Kennedy, “what are y’all doing today?”
Kennedy’s mouth morphs into a smile and she faces her overly-bubbly roommate. “I was thinking we could study for that Old Testament exam? I need serious help.” She chuckles and continues picking at her eggs. Jonah sits to my right, across from Eden, who’s completed the Kennedy sandwich with Bridgette.
“You guys wanna meet at the library after this and study together?” Jonah asks while he butters his bagel.
With all the lean muscle that kid has, it’s a wonder he’s not a quarterback. Seems like a waste to me to be spending as much time as he does with the worship band.
I shrug. “I’m up for that.”
I’m not up for that. At all. But, if I’m going to have any chance to figure out what’s going on with Kennedy, I’m going to have to spend time with her. And, thanks to the “guidelines,” that’s largely going to have to happen in the confines of a group.
Honestly, I’ll take it.
Eden looks down the table, then over to Bridgette. “Where’s Silas?”