I looked over her shoulder. “It should be easy after all this time. I should be able to do this.”
“Joshua …”
I pushed away from her, pacing, suddenly angry. “Why, Rabbit? Why is it so fucking hard? I walked out my door and into the world for fucking years without even thinking about it. And now, I can’t make it a few hundred fucking feet from my gate without acting like a …”
“Like a what, Joshua?”
I spun around.
“Like a fucking helpless child!” I shouted. “I’m so weak. I disgust myself! I don’t how you can stand there and tell me how well I did. I know the driveway is blocked and there is no one there. I know there is nothing out there that’s going to hurt me. But I can’t fucking get past this. I just … can’t …” I shook my head, my voice trailing off.
I looked at her as she stood gazing at me. I kept shouting. “I can’t ever be the man you need, Rabbit. I can’t give you a life outside these gates. I can’t take you to dinner. Hell, I can’t even take you to the grocery store. Or on a vacation. I can’t give you a family. I have nothing to offer you.”
For a minute, she said nothing. Then she strode forward and pushed me. Again and again until I was pushed into the side of the truck, staring down at her in surprise.
“Listen to me, Joshua. I have no idea what brought that little speech on, but stop it. You are not weak. You have pushed and fought your way back to being able to get out to the gate and beyond. And you keep pushing yourself. You will beat this someday, I know you will. Something will finally be reason enough for you to overcome what those bastards did to you,” she spit out angrily. “But if you didn’t? If you were never able to leave this place? It makes you no less a man in my eyes. What you do with your life is what makes you a man.”
“And what have I done that makes me a man, Rabbit?” I asked wearily.
Her eyes narrowed. “You have persevered. You found a way to keep going. You kept writing. You found a way to still be a part of the world even if it means NOT going out that gate,” she insisted, pointing behind me. Then her voice softened. “You didn’t stop being able to love. To show love, Joshua. You heard about Bear and you rescued him. You care and look after him” Her hands came up and cupped my face. “You care and look after me, Joshua. I was a total stranger and you helped me. You tended to my bruises, held me when I was upset, and showed me it was okay to trust.” Her voice became filled with emotion. “You showed me it was okay to love someone. How to love someone. And I do. I love you, Joshua.”
My eyes were locked on hers and I couldn’t look away.
“There is so much you would miss being here with me.” I whispered.
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t miss anything, Joshua. Not being here is what I would miss. Because then, I wouldn’t be with you. I don’t care about dinners or vacations. You are all I need.”
I swept her into my arms. My lips lovingly kissed her sweet mouth. Small, soft, little caresses. Her hand crept around my head, pulling me to her. My tongue traced the edge of her lips gently, tasting her sweetness. She parted her mouth and my tongue slipped in, teasing hers. Her quiet whimper had me gathering her closer, tilting her head, deepening the kiss. My tongue explored her sweetness, swirling, tasting, stroking, tenderly at first, and then becoming greedier. I couldn’t stop tasting her, savouring her warmth. All the emotion I had been feeling, the panic, the anger and the love swirled and spun into a mass of hot, pulsating need. I broke away, gasping for air, planning on pulling her into the truck and having her right there. I looked down at Rabbit and stilled. Her breath was coming out in small gasps, her chest rising and falling quickly. Her hair was a mass of waves, rippling in the sun, begging for my hands to wind themselves into it. Her lips were swollen and damp from my mouth. Reaching down, I traced a finger over her soft, pink flesh, shuddering as she reached her velvet tongue out, teasing my finger. Her eyes opened and I saw the burning desire in her depths. Her gaze was warm and filled with a love I had never seen directed my way before. My heart began beating faster. “Why did you stop, Joshua?” she breathed.
My urgent, hot desire faded, instead replaced with an overwhelming tenderness. I didn’t want her any less, but how I wanted her changed. “I love you, Rabbit. So much.” I kissed her tenderly again, lips moving and moulding to each other. “I love you. I love you.” My voice was urgent, needing her to understand the depth of what I was feeling for her. “I want you, Rabbit.” My voice trailed off with a groan as I felt her hand reach inside my coat, stroking me.
“Take me,” she whispered.