His hands were clasping and unclasping at his sides. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. My eyes widened in instant understanding when I saw the man beside him slip his hand into Brian’s and squeeze it. “Tell her. She deserves to know the truth.”
“My father had been at me for weeks. He wanted a grandchild. He was threatening to sell the company if I didn’t get you pregnant. I never let him know we weren’t … intimate. I had managed to keep that hidden as well. He honestly thought I was trying; that we were trying. He was pushing me to get tested for infertility, to have you tested. I knew it was just a matter of time before he found out that we didn’t even share a room. That everything I had been struggling to keep hidden would come out. But I couldn’t, Elizabeth. I couldn’t touch you. I was … in love with someone else.”
“Randy,” Rabbit said, sounding surprised. “You’re gay,” she gasped, in sudden understanding.
Brian nodded and sighed deeply. “That morning, Randy and I had a huge argument.” He looked over at the man beside him and grimaced. “He was tired of living in secrecy. Of my father threatening me all the time. Of only being a small part of my life. He said I had to choose between him and the company. I was deranged with anger and bitterness. I was frustrated and beyond caring about anything anymore. I was so tired of living a lie, of pretending to be something, someone, I was not. If Randy was gone, nothing much really mattered. Then I saw you. So pretty and so highly thought of by so many people. Adored by all the kids in the room. All the parents beaming at you. The perfect spouse. My father stood there,” he snorted, “my father, who never had anything good to say about you, or anyone else for that matter, looked at me and told me you were a better representative of the James family than I ever would be.” His eyes looked straight at Rabbit. “I snapped.”
I watched Rabbit’s posture change. She stiffened and her shoulders drew back. When she spoke, her voice was almost strangled.
“You were angry because I was doing exactly what you wanted. What you demanded of me all the time.”
He shrugged self-consciously. “I don’t imagine that makes much sense to you.”
“Because you were tired of hiding.”
He nodded.
“You were tired of being something you weren’t.”
“Yes. It was so hard, Elizabeth. You have no idea.”
She stared at him. Her voice shook with anger when she spoke. “No idea? Didn’t you realize, Brian, that I was hiding? That I was being forced to be something I wasn’t? That I was alone and confused? I didn’t have the luxury of knowing why. I didn’t have someone to turn to. You made me a prisoner and then punished me for being exactly what you wanted me to be. You took away my worth. You made me doubt myself. You hurt me time and time again. Did you ever think of any of that?”
He regarded her in shock. “No.”
She looked at Randy. “Did you know what he did to me?”
Randy shifted uncomfortably. “Not to the extent of what I know now. I knew he was … strict with you.”
“Strict?” Rabbit hissed. “He beat me, repeatedly; he isolated me and broke me.” She shook her head. “You’re no better than he is. The two of you deserve each other.”
She stepped back into my embrace. I wrapped my arm around her, holding her shaking form.
Rabbit’s head tilted as she regarded him. Her head nodded slowly as a thought occurred to her. “Your father is dead. You don’t have to hide anymore. Why are you leaving?”
“I sold the company. We’re going to do some traveling and then we are moving somewhere new so we can start fresh.”
Rabbit pushed my arm away and took another step forward, her stance now obviously livid. I laid my hands on her shoulders, offering silent support. Bear moved and stood beside her, his growls getting louder. “You sold the company? The same company you were so desperate to keep that you abused me again and again for months because you were pretending to be something you weren’t?” Her voice was loud and heated now.
He nodded. “I finally realized it didn’t make me happy. Randy did. I want to be happy. My father and I argued the night he died, Elizabeth. I told him the truth. He was so livid he threw me out of his house and I never got a chance to talk to him again. It made me realize how short life is. And that I needed to start living it. Not hiding from it.”