“I think you are being forty-five percent ridiculous. And that is primarily attributed to the way you’re talking about yourself. Nothing you have has happened by accident. You work hard and move at the speed of light. I think that’s the crux of your problem. You’ve been bee-bopping all around and haven’t found roots to dig in. Your cute little body is exhausted. Your brain, too.”
I reach for a croqueta and take a bite, salty flavor bursting on my tongue. “I’m happy when I’m eating these,” I mumble around a mouthful. Josie grins.
“Well, we could send you on a food tour.” She leans back in the booth with a satisfied sigh. She pats her belly once and twists her lips in thought. “Seriously though, when was the last time you felt like you weren’t doing a job? Where is the last place you felt happy?”
It comes to me instantly. Leaves beneath my boots. A cloudless sky as blue as a mountain lake. Dirt roads and a big red barn by the road. Rows and rows of trees, pine needles in my hair.
A stupid joke about strawberries on a sunny afternoon. A plate of zucchini bread on the table.
I feel myself settle, my shoulders rolling back with the first deep breath I’ve taken in what feels like months. “I think I know.”
She nods, a satisfied glint in her eye. “Then let’s start there.”
CHAPTER THREE
BECKETT
“Can I just say,” Jeremy Roughman leans up against the back of the tractor, sunlight beginning to wink over the horizon. I hear his voice and it’s a challenge for me not to turn around and go right back to my cabin on the edge of the property. “I’m real excited you decided to bring me on as an apprentice.”
I did not decide to bring him on as an apprentice. Sheriff Jones cornered me in the paper products aisle of the pharmacy and lightly threatened me with crosswalk duty for the elementary school until I agreed to take him on. Apparently, Jeremy can’t keep himself out of trouble for more than thirty-seven seconds and if Ms. Beatrice catches him making out with another girl in her alleyway, she’s likely to do something that requires jail time.
“I know his parents would be appreciative,” Dane had said, and I almost flung my body into the paper towel shelf. “He just needs a little direction.”
So here we are, giving direction. Dawn crawls across the sky in bright pink and burnished gold, a brilliant brushstroke of cloud through the center of it. I can still feel the bite of winter this early in the morning and I’m grateful for my thermal shirt and the cat curled up against my neck, dozing with her chin on my shoulder.
I glance up at Barney, perched in the driver’s seat of the tractor—his old, wide-brim hat pulled low over his eyes. He smirks at me around a mouthful of donut.
“Real excited, boss,” he says. He shoves fried dough and powdered sugar into his mouth. “Could hardly sleep last night on account of it.”
I roll my eyes and reach for the shovel propped up against the tire. For all his needling, Barney makes my job easier. He’s a walking encyclopedia of crops and soil, plant-eating diseases and … the 1990 Baltimore Orioles roster. I’ve got no use for the last bit, but the rest of it comes in handy. I’ve been working with him ever since I took over my dad’s shift at the produce farm almost two decades ago. When Stella recruited me and I gave my notice, he gave his, too. Patted me on the back and told me he couldn’t let me screw up a whole new farm by myself.
I hand the shovel to Jeremy and he grips it between thumb and forefinger, holding it away from his letterman jacket. I didn’t even realize they still hand those things out, but Inglewild has always felt a little frozen in time. Prancer echoes a plaintive meow right into my ear and I rub my knuckles over her soft head.
“We’re gonna chisel today,” I tell Jeremy.
“Dude, I can’t chisel something with a shovel,” Jeremy tries to hand it back to me. “I thought I’d like … advise on placement or something. Give you a fresh perspective on the aesthetics of the place.”
I summon my patience.
“The aesthetics of the place.”
He flips his hair back and tips his chin up. “Isn’t that why you brought me in?”
I did not … bring him in. I was conned in front of the paper towels. I fold my arms over my chest and lean against the side of the tractor. Prancer takes the opportunity to hop from my shoulder to the top of the cab, settling into the divot next to the seat. She likes to ride with Barney in the mornings and wander back home when she’s ready.
I do my best to ignore Barney shaking with silent laughter atop the tractor.
“What do you know about farming, Jeremy?”
He combs his hand through his hair and squints at the horizon. “I know a bit.”
“Let’s hear it then.”
“Well,” he shuffles his feet, puts his hands in his jacket pockets only to pull them out again. “Obviously, you plant things.”
“Obviously.”
“And nourish them.”
“Sure.”
“I actually have some ideas about your growth patterns. How do you feel about canna—“
“Do not finish that sentence,” I growl. I’ve heard enough weed jokes to last a lifetime. I jerk my head to the back of the tractor. “Maybe we can talk about growth patterns next week.” Barney makes a choking noise. “In the meantime, we have a tradition. The newest member of the crew is on rock duty. You’re going to follow after Barney and scoop rocks out of the topsoil, toss them in that bucket on the side. It’ll make it easier for us to disc and then plant in the next week or so.”
I was on rock duty every summer for four years at Parson’s Produce. Did it myself here when it was just Barney and me getting the fields ready. It’ll be a nice change not to do it this time. I glance at Jeremy’s shoes.
Brand new Nikes, pristine white.
A twinge of guilt pulls at my gut. It’s not exactly his fault he didn’t know what to expect. I remember my first day at the farm when I was a kid, too skinny and out of my element, stumbling to keep up with everyone around me. It was like trying to jump into a dance midway through without hearing the damn music. I remember laughter when my feet slipped in the dirt behind the tractor, the sun beating down on my neck and blistering my skin.
“You got a hat, kid?”
He shakes his head, still staring at the shovel in his hand. I dig into one of the packs slung over the seat and pull out an old baseball cap, faded and ripped on one side. I toss it to him. It hits him in the chest and then falls to the dirt. He looks at it like he’d rather die than put it on his perfectly styled hair.
I shrug my shoulders and Barney snorts a laugh, hitting the ignition and putting the tractor into gear. “You seeing your pop tonight for dinner?” Barney shouts over the rumble of the engine.
I nod. We have family dinners every Tuesday night, a tradition for as long as I can remember.
“Tell him I say hello. And he owes me one hundred and forty-seven dollars after our last poker night.”