“This isn’t about your grandfather, Natalie. This is about you and what’s best for your future.” My mom was as unruffled as they came.
I looked right at both of them as I said, “That’s exactly what this is about. After high school, Dad wanted to join the military and you cried and begged him not to. You won.” I stomped up the stairs, slammed my door, and listened to “I Miss You” by Incubus until I fell asleep, clutching my brand new cell phone.
There was only one number that mattered in those days, and it came up “unavailable.”
The irony never stopped.
*
While Eric grills outside on the deck, my mother calls.
“Hey Mom, what’s up?”
“Hello, Dear, I’m just checking in to see how things are coming along for Eric’s graduation.”
“Fine,” I mumble, “he makes his presentation this week, I think, then by graduation time he’ll be a doctor.” The deck door is open, and Eric can hear me, so I force a smile when I speak the last word.
“Lovely. How are the boys? Their big fifth birthday is coming up!” Her voice lightens dramatically when discussing her grandchildren.
She loves them more than I’ve seen her love anyone in my life. I’ll never forget the look of disappointment on her face though, when I told her I was pregnant. It was like I could see her adding up how much she and my father had spent on my education.
“They’re good. Loving preschool and looking forward to kindergarten.” So am I. I mill about the kitchen to keep myself busy while I’m talking to her. It’s too dangerous to be fully emotionally present.
“That’s the reason I’m calling, actually. We’ll obviously be up for Eric’s graduation, and I was wondering if your father and I could take the boys back to our house for a week or so? Once they start kin—”
“Yes!” I cut in excitedly. “That’d be great! Boys, do you want to stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s house soon?”
“Yaaaay!” they cheer in unison before returning their attention to Curious George.
Eric steps in with a plate of steaming chicken and sets it on the counter. He saunters over to me and moves my hair off my shoulder, kissing my neck. I shrug away like his doing that is preventing me from listening to my mother.
“It’s set, then. After graduation we’ll take the boys for the week. I’m sure Eric needs some time to unwind after the long year he’s had.”
“Mmhmm,” I’m actually biting my tongue, “he sure does. We really appreciate it, Mom. Dinner’s ready. Tell Dad ‘hi’ and that we love him. Bye.”
Despite my mother’s constant underhanded comments and motives, I feel a giant load off my shoulders that they’re going to take the boys for a whole week. The relief I feel suddenly makes the sweat on the back of Eric’s neck sexy. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing a spot of sweat away.
“My mom’s going to take the boys for a week,” I whisper into his ear as I kiss it.
I hear him swallow hard. “I heard.” He turns and grabs my hips, planting a hot kiss on my lips. “It’ll be nice.”
“Let’s eat and get the boys to bed, okay?” I purr seductively.
He smiles his boy-on-the-sidewalk smile. “You got it.”
For the rest of the night I feel normal. Pre-twin, pre-leaving school, pre-everything normal. I don’t think about cutting at all. I focus on my husband—the hot doctoral student I get to call my own. The man who stood by me when he knew everything. Everything.
Chapter 10
The rest of the week has gone well. I feel revived and focused, all from one phone call—with my mother of all people—promising a small break from my life. When I get home from dropping the boys off at preschool, I see Eric’s car in the driveway.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I walk in the apartment.
He sweeps me off my feet and hoots into my ear. “They offered me a position! UMass offered me a permanent research and teaching position!” He beams with excitement as every single thing he’s ever dreamed has just come true.
“Oh my God, really? Really! What’d you say?” I tighten my arms around his neck and kiss him.
He gently sets me down. “I told them I’d need to discuss it with my wife.”
See, that’s the thing about Eric. I would have jumped up and down screaming yes! all the way across campus. He needs to check with his wife.
“What’s there to discuss? It’s outstanding job security, a ridiculous salary . . .”
“And lots of lab hours,” he finishes my sentence. “A research position is awesome, Nat, but it’s all lab, all the time, with classes in between.”
I pull back a little. “How many more hours could you spend in the lab than you do now?”
“It’ll be kind of like it is now.” Eric takes a step back and runs his hand through his hair.