“You must be Natalie, it’s nice to meet you.” I stuck out my hand, but she wrapped her arms around me instead.
Ryker’s sister, Crystal, couldn’t be there as she was in the Peace Corps in Africa. I got to meet Lucas’s parents, too, and for several minutes the families stood around, facing Ryker and Lucas, who looked remarkably relaxed next to one another. Lucas was positively beaming, in fact. Mistakenly, I looked around the room when we were told we only had a few minutes left.
Wives clutched their husbands as toddlers played on the floor between them, a female guardsman sang her daughter a song while she put clips in her hair, and another member was crouched down in front of his wife, kissing her visibly pregnant belly. Each one of these soldiers had entire lives they were leaving at the drop of a hat—at the call of war.
I wanted to tell him not to go, to sink to my knees and grab his legs like a child in a tantrum; but Tosha’s voice reminded me to keep it together. I walked toward Lucas and gave him a hug first.
“Be safe,” was all I could say.
Seriously?
“We will, Nat.” His smile might have convinced me, if there wasn’t sobbing all around us.
All the parents and grandparents hugged the boys. I didn’t know much at the time about Ryker’s relationship with his mom, other than it was strained, but he rubbed her back and wiped her tears as she stepped away from him.
And then it was my turn.
What started out as casual dating several months ago was anything but, in that moment. My chest hurt at the thought of having to walk out of that building in a few short minutes. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want him to go.
“Bye.” I buried my face into his shoulder and my entire body shook.
So much for keeping your shit together, Nat.
“I love you, Nat.” It wasn’t a whisper; everyone heard.
“I love you too,” I managed before kissing him long and hard on the lips.
He squeezed me desperately, before pulling away and giving me a nod and a smile.
“I’ll call the first chance I get, K?”
I nodded. “Just come home.”
He took my shoulders and bent down so we were eye-to-eye. “I will.”
In hindsight, I should have said something like come home with Lucas, come home as a whole person.
I didn’t.
Ryker’s dad gave Lucas a hug; Lucas’s dad did the same for Ryker.
“You boys take care of each other, you hear me?” Bill spoke sternly.
“Yes sir,” they half-chuckled in unison.
And that was it. I don’t remember anything else about the final seconds. All I know is I made it to my car and exactly halfway back to my dorm before pulling over and screaming and crying into my steering wheel.
*
I pull my head from a different steering wheel when I hear Eric’s voice.
“Natalie,” he speaks through the half-opened window.
A quick glance at the clock tells me I’m going to be late.
He leans down. “I’m sorry about what happened with Dan—”
“Fuck off, Eric. I have to go get the boys.”
Chapter 7
I managed to get to the boys’ school five minutes before pick up, so I had time to practice slow breathing and get the splotchiness out of my face before walking into the building. Eric has texted me about ten times, going on about how sorry he is at how he treated Danielle, mixed with his anger at my lack of respect for him in front of a student.
That girl wasn’t just a student. Dammit. Thinking about her causes me to wipe my eyes again while the boys chase each other at the playground. The pride she had when telling me her boyfriend is a Marine, steeped in her conspicuous fear, was heartbreaking. I know exactly how she’s feeling right this very second and there’s absolutely nothing I—or anyone else—can do for her.
Stop thinking about this, Nat . . .
Eric’s texts finally stop around dinner. I haven’t responded to a single one, and keep myself busy making forts and laughing with my boys. After dinner and bath, it’s time for bed. Max, named after Eric’s grandfather, picks out a Batman book.
Oliver, named after—you guessed it—my grandfather, joins in, “Mommy, when I get bigger I can be a superhero.”
“Absolutely,” I say, closing the book. “You can be a police officer, or a firefighter—”
“Or an Army guy!” Max cheers.
“Yeah, an Army guy!” Ollie agrees with a yawn.
“Mhmm,” I divert the topic, “or a doctor, they’re superheroes too, you know.”
“I want to be an Army guy.” Max yawns. Ollie’s already asleep.
“They’re called soldiers. Night, Baby.” I tuck them in and kiss their cheeks.
“I love superheroes,” Max says as he drifts to sleep.
“Me, too,” I whisper, kissing his cheek once more.
I close their door tightly behind me and take a deep breath with my hand still on the handle, trying not to put too much weight into the words of carefree four-year-olds.
As soon as I walk into the kitchen, Eric comes through the door.
Can I catch a damn break today?