I tilted my head up and found his eyes again. This time, I saw the heat that I craved, and that gave me courage to continue.
Slowly—so very slowly—I eased my hand down until my fingers slipped beneath the loose tie that kept those sweatpants from falling off his hips. I didn’t stop, I didn’t think, I just continued on, keeping my eyes on him, judging my impact on this man by the fire in his eyes and the tightness of his jaw.
A thin line of hair traced down his midline to his cock, and I followed the path eagerly. He was hard and thick, and I greedily closed my hand around his length to stroke him.
Cole groaned, then bit out my name like a curse. I only smiled, stifling my own sigh as I shifted from one foot to the other as the sweet, demanding pressure between my thighs increased.
“Do you want me on my knees?” I whispered, moving my hand in slow, sensual strokes. “Do you want your cock in my mouth? Or should I turn around, bend over the arm of your couch, and let you fuck me from behind? Whatever you want, Cole. And however you want it.”
He reached down between our bodies, and for a moment I was certain he would tug my hand away. But all he did was hold it in place through the thick fleece of his pants, so that I ended up stroking his cock to a pressure and speed that he controlled.
“I told you,” I said. “I’m not pure. I’m not innocent.”
“Maybe not,” he agreed. He let a moment pass, and I saw the regret on his face when he gently tugged my hand free. “But you also can’t be mine.”
The words, so unexpected, acted like a spark on kindling. My temper spiked, and without thinking about it, I reached out and slapped his face.
“Bastard.”
“Goddammit, Kat, you’re special.” He reached up and massaged the red spot on his jaw. “Maybe you don’t see it, but I do, and I’m not going to risk destroying that by having you get twisted up with me. Because there is nothing clean or pure or special about the shit I live with every goddamn day.”
“That’s a lie,” I said. “It’s fear and it’s an excuse and never once in all the time that I’ve known you have I believed that you were a coward.”
He exhaled, then ran his hands over his head in obvious frustration.
“I know about the Firehouse,” I said. “I get that you’re into BDSM. I understand, Cole. It doesn’t bother me.”
“You don’t understand shit,” he said.
“Then explain it to me.”
“Fuck that,” he said, then lashed out and kicked over an end table, making me jump. “Shit.” There was anger in the word, but also frustration.
“You surprised me,” I said sharply. “You didn’t hurt me. And if you actually want to scare me you’ll have to do better than tormenting a table.”
As I hoped, he almost laughed. Almost. But he did calm down. He drew in a breath, then another. After a moment, he pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at me. “Do you think what I need makes me proud?” he asked softly. “It’s not a road you want to walk with me, Kat.”
“Dammit, Cole, don’t you dare tell me what I want or don’t want. You don’t have a clue about what I need, and you sure as hell don’t know my boundaries.”
“Maybe not,” he admitted. “But I know my own.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
With a sigh, he cupped my chin, his expression so sad I wanted to weep. “It means that you’re a hard limit for me, blondie. And that’s just the way it is.”
ten
“Fine,” I snapped. “But stay away from me, Cole. Stay away from me and my dad. And while you’re at it, stay out of my life.”
I turned and stormed toward his door. He caught my arm and yanked me back. “I’ll help you with your dad. But not the rest.”
“No. This isn’t a negotiation. I told you what I want. You don’t want to help on my terms, then don’t help. But right now, I want you to get out of my way.”
“Why?”