“If that’s what it takes,” I said, realizing for the first time the full extent of what I’d been saying to him. “It would be awful. But if that’s what it takes to stay with you—to really and truly stay with you—then I could handle that and more.”
He was silent, and I groaned in frustration. “Dammit, Cole, what do I have to do to prove it to you? Send the photos out as goddamn Christmas cards?”
He pulled me close, his body shaking a little with what I finally realized was laughter. “Probably nothing that extreme,” he said. “But, Kat, I need to know that you’re sure.”
“I am.” I stroked his head, his face. I looked into his eyes, because I needed to make sure he understood just how deeply I felt these words. “I can survive anything if I know you’re at my side. If you really want to protect me, take me away. Take me to Europe or New Zealand or some tropical island so I’m not near the Internet or television or people I know. But don’t do anything that risks them taking you away from me. Because I will tell you right now—if they arrest you or if Muratti’s people hunt you down, it will kill me. And that will be on you.”
He studied me. “You’re really sure?”
I clutched his hands. “I can survive the photos. My dad can survive the photos. My friends, my career, my reputation. It won’t be fun, but it will pass.” I drew in a deep breath. “But if I lose you, I will shrivel up. That will be the end of me. Believe me, Cole. Believe me, and decide. Are you going to choose what you think I need, or will you listen to what I tell you I need?”
I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Either way, I do love you. And, Cole,” I added, “do you realize what happened tonight? You came,” I said. “Without kink, without pain. With just you and me and what’s between us.”
I watched his face as he took in the moment, realizing then that I was right. I grinned a little, then met his eyes, laughing at the expression of exultant pride.
“Don’t worry,” I said wryly. “I like the status quo just fine. But it is always nice to have options.”
“Yes,” he said. “It is.”
After a moment, he sighed and pulled me close. “Dammit, Kat, that’s what I’ve been trying to get you to understand. I want the option of protecting you, baby, just like I promised your dad. But that’s the option you’re just not giving me.”
“The hell I’m not,” I said. “Don’t you get it? You’re the shield between me and the world, and that’s more protection than I could hope for. You want to be the big strong man, then do what I ask. Stand by me. Take me out of the country until the worst blows over. But don’t you dare fucking leave me.”
He was staring at me, an odd expression on his face.
“What?”
“I adore you,” he said. “I’m not sure how I survived a day without you.”
“Then you understand why I’m so certain that I can’t risk facing a future without you.”
Slowly, he nodded.
“So we tell the bastard to release the photos?” I asked.
“If you’re really certain.”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything,” I said. “Not about anything except you.”
“I don’t want to be around when you make the call,” I said once we were on the jet.
He cocked his head, eyeing me suspiciously.
“I’m still certain,” I assured him, hoping he couldn’t see the way my insides were twisted up. “But that doesn’t mean I like it or that I’m looking forward to the moment the photos go live.”
He studied me, as if searching for deception on my face. I guess he liked what he saw, because he finally nodded. “All right,” he said. “I’ll head up to the galley.”
“Bring me back some wine,” I said dryly. “I’ll need it.”
He nodded, then kissed me. “You are the strongest, most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
“If I was that strong,” I said, “I wouldn’t be dragging you out of the country.”