Flashes of early-morning sunlight wake me from my slumber. It flits through the slits at the top of the railcar. The gentle humming of the train assures me we’re still moving. I sit up and run my fingers through my tangled hair. No one else appears to be awake. I hear Cole’s soft snoring behind me and see Bruno and Grace asleep in each other’s arms. And it reminds me that love is the only blanket of warmth from this frigid world.
Zeus! I snap my head toward him and reach over to check his wounds. He’s woofing in his sleep, and his paws twitch. I touch his bloodstained fur, and it feels stiff. Pulling my hand away, I glance at my fingers, rub them together, and realize they’re dry. His bleeding has stopped, and I rejoice for that small gift. I peer closer. His wounds don’t seem as deep as they did in last night’s darkness and chaos. A deep sigh escapes my lips. My eyes drift to the opening at the top of the wall and the light filtering through. Pulling my knees to my chest, I close my eyes, because there’s someone I need to talk to. In a whisper, I begin.
“Dad, I hope you can hear me because there’re some things I need to say.” Ugh, this is harder than I thought it was going to be. And it’s not like he’ll respond. I swallow hard and find myself proceeding anyway. “Okay, I’m just going to spit this out, so here goes nothing. I know your dream for me was to fight for the freedom of our society, but I can’t, Dad. How can I possibly do that, when my heart is pulling me elsewhere? Trust me, I realize going after Sutton is pretty much a death sentence. But it’s a risk I have to take, because leaving him there to die isn’t something I can live with. And I’m pretty sure you’d do the same thing, because I know the kind of man you were. This world is one messed up place. It’s a war I can’t win on my own. And now, I have a smaller battle to fight, and I’m praying. Gosh, I’m praying so hard you’ll understand. I love Sutton, and I know you do too, so I need to do this for me, for us. And no matter what the outcome is, I hope you’ll be proud of me.” Tears flood my eyes; I blink, and they spill out. I feel the warm streams sliding down my cheeks, and I lick the corner of my mouth, tasting salt.
“Why aren’t you here, guiding me? You should be here; I need you. I need you so much it hurts to breathe.” I bite down on my quivering lower lip.
I take a slow, deep breath and release it. “Okay, Dad, Keegan … I need your strength more than ever.” The pain of their absence is everywhere, and it eats at my flesh every second of every day. “I love you both so much … and I’m going to do whatever it takes to carry on your legacy, to make sure you didn’t die in vain. Please, watch over me. Please watch over all of us.” I lay back, and Cole’s arms surround me.
“I’m right here,” Cole says. “I’ll hold you, always. You’re my strength, Lexi. So allow me to be yours.”
I turn to meet his eyes. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you were listening,” I say, tilting my head back into the crook of his neck. “What if I let them down? What if I’m doing the wrong thing?”
“I’m sure they’re extremely proud of you,” Cole says. I whip around and face him, while wiping my tears away. “But maybe you should focus on who’s here for you now. Right here. Right in front of you.”
“You’re right, I shouldn’t worry about what I can’t control. Ugh.”
“What?”
“Why are you always right?”
“Ha. That’s far from the truth. Lexi, I’ve been wrong so many times in my life. We all have. But I think the only option we have is to accept our mess-ups and move on.” He runs his thumb across my lips before leaning in and kissing me. “And knowing the kind of man you say your father was, I think he’d be doing exactly the same thing.”
“I hope I make the right choices when … ” My voice trails off.
“Hey, it’ll be okay. Promise,” Cole says. I rest my head on his chest and inhale the faint smell of sweat mixed with soap. “Zeus seems better.”
“Yeah. His wounds aren’t bleeding anymore, and they’re not as deep as I thought. Which is a very good thing,” I say. “As long as we keep his cuts clean, he should be fine. It would’ve killed me if he’d died.”
“I know. You’ve really become attached to Zeus. That means a lot to me,” he says.
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you scared? Because, to be completely honest … I’m petrified.”
“We’re all scared. We wouldn’t been human if we weren’t.” He links his fingers with mine, pulls my hand to his mouth, and then kisses it. “And remember, our mission is to save Sutton so he can get to the monitors. We aren’t trying to save the world.”
“Without a doubt.”
Bruno stirs.