Nothing could have prepared me for the sound that comes out of Bruno next. A heart-wrenching scream that can surely be heard miles away. The kind that slices you like a knife, creating a wound that will never completely heal. His shoulders shake uncontrollably, and I grip Cole’s shirt and cry so hard it feels like someone stuck a torch down my throat.
There’s something about watching a man, a man with such physical strength, a man that has been nothing but a rock in all our lives, completely crumble before our eyes. Unhindered tears cascade down his defined cheekbones, over his jaw, and onto his clothes. He leans over her face, putting a hand on each side, opening and closing his mouth. Everything comes out as a groan.
“I’m sorry,” Grace says.
“You’re pregnant?” His voice breaks.
“Yes.” Her breathing changes, and her voice weakens, getting softer with each word.
He sits back and slams his teeth together while looking up at the ceiling. His muscles all tense in his face as he lets out an excruciating scream. Then he bends back over, sobbing.
“This isn’t fair! I’m holding everything I’ve always wanted, and I … ” His tears fall onto Grace’s shirt and snot pours out of his nose. He gags on his words, unable to speak. He kisses her face, then lifts her hands to his lips and kisses them too. In between kisses, he cries and rocks on his knees. When he notices her silence, he hunches forward.
“Don’t you give up on me, Grace. Don’t you dare do it. Fight, fight harder. For us, for our son.”
But there’s no fight left.
Grace’s eyes roll into the back of her head. I run toward her and fall to my knees on the opposite side of Bruno.
“Grace,” I say. “Look at me.” She blinks a few times, and her tired eyes, her pained eyes, look into mine. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get help.”
Desperate.
I stand and turn around to sprint out the door, but Cole catches me before I make it two feet.
“Let me go,” I say.
“Lexi,” Cole says into my ear. “You know I can’t.”
“Please.” I’m pounding on his chest, but he just squeezes me harder.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t let you die, too,” he whispers.
“She’s not dying.” But I know she is, and I cry into his shirt and almost suffocate myself. I have to turn my head to the side, and that’s when all hope melts away from Bruno’s face.
“Lexi,” Grace says.
I take a deep breath, and Cole holds my arm as I make my way back to her.
When I’m with her, she takes my hand in hers. It feels like ice.
No. No. No. No.
“I’m here,” I tell her.
“I want to tell you his name.” She coughs and gasps and coughs again.
“Who?” I ask.
“My son,” she says with her beautiful smile. “Christopher, after your father.”
Stabbing pain in my chest.
Wrenching pain in my heart.
“Oh, Grace, thank you,” is all I manage to say as my shoulders shake like an earthquake. I crumble like a building being blown to bits. My head falls into the crook of her neck. I don’t want to let her go. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” she says in a raspy voice. I lift my head and watch her fade.
“Christopher … it’s perfect,” Bruno says before throwing his head back and sucking in air. He drops his head back to hers. “Baby, until I can join you, please tell that boy of mine how much I love him and that one day … when his dad’s work is done, we’ll all be together again.”
“I will,” Grace says. “I love you, so much.”
“Oh God, Grace, not yet. I’m not ready. Please hold on.”
“I’m trying,” she says. “But sometimes we don’t get to choose.”
I stroke her hair as her eyes glaze over. I lean down and whisper in her ear, “Thank you for being my friend.”
She gasps and gasps some more.
I sit back on my heels and let her husband spend her last minutes with her.
Bruno’s head hangs over her, and he kisses her blue lips. She lifts her arm around his neck.
“See you soon,” she says to Bruno and then her arm slides off his neck and falls to her side.
Her entire body goes limp, and Bruno curls her body into his as he repeatedly tells her he loves her and he’s so sorry he couldn’t save her. He sobs and moans, breaking into shattered pieces.
“No! Oh, God, no,” he says. “I’m supposed to save you!” His voice breaks, and he cries out, “Why did I let you come here?” Tears streak down his face as he clenches every muscle in his body. “Wake up, Grace. Grace, wake up, please. Don’t leave me.”
I couldn’t save her either.
Cole opens his arms, and I press myself into him as we cry together. I grasp Cole so tight, I’m sure my fingers leave permanent marks in his sides.
Zeus nudges my leg and whines, reminding me he’s still here.
An unbearable pain suffocates us. It’d be too easy to give up. It’d be too easy to lie down and surrender.
But I’m done losing people I love.