“You won’t have nothing and you’re not alone,” Evan said. “You have me. This is me, Jo. Remember?”
I staggered back a step, remembering. I could hardly breathe. Evan back in my life again… Like being offered the richest food and the warmest clothes after four years of being hungry and cold.
“I can’t force you to come with me,” Evan said. “But I can’t leave you with him either. I won’t. You’re going somewhere today, Jo. You choose.”
This was happening. I was too overwhelmed to fully contemplate it. It was either crack a joke or crack up. I wiped my nose on my sleeve. “So you’re my knight in shining armor? Riding into this shit town on a white horse to save me?”
Evan grinned a little. “No horse. How about a beat up old Chevy?”
I started to laugh but it came out sounding more like a sob. “I feel so jumbled up. I don’t know what to think.”
“You don’t have to work everything out right now. Just come with me. Get somewhere safe and quiet. We’ll talk more and I’ll explain everything. But we have to leave now.”
I lifted my eyes to his, felt that warmth of his attention wrap around me. With Evan I had been brave. Beautiful.
“I need to pack,” I blurted. “If I’m going with you I need to pack, right? God, this surreal.”
“No packing. Let’s just go. I’ll get you anything you need…”
“No,” I said, thinking of my blue and black plaid shirt. His shirt. “There’s stuff I need. My stuff. I don’t have much but I need it. It’s all I have.”
He nodded reluctantly. “I’ll go with you…”
“No. I’ll meet you back here in half an hour.”
“Jo…”
“He’s not home now. He should be at work. It’s safe. But no matter what, if I’m going to leave with you, I have to do one part of it on my own. One tiny fucking part, because I couldn’t do it before…” I heaved a breath, wiped my eyes, pulled myself together as best I could. “Half an hour.”
“Half an hour,” Evan agreed, though he had to spit the words from behind a tense jaw.
I started to go then stopped. Slowly, I reached out my hand, fingers trembling, and laid it on his cheek. I felt his warm skin, the scratch of his stubble, and the muscle move under my palm as he sighed at my touch.
“You’re here,” I whispered. “This is real?”
“I’m right here,” he replied, covering my hand with his. “And I’ll be waiting.”
Lee was home
My stomach lurched, twisted into knots to see his car in the driveway. He was supposed to be at the diner, closing out the day so his mother didn’t have to work another double shift. Instead, he was here.
Shit.
The house reeked of chemicals and butane and death. From the door I could see Lee at the kitchen table, cooking up a batch of meth.
I started to sneak upstairs thinking maybe I could snatch a few things, and sneak back out. He’d never know I’d been there.
“Jo?”
His voice, calling from the kitchen, froze me to the spot.
“Hey,” I called. “Gotta pee. Bad. Be right down.”
I hurried up the stairs, heart pounding. I dug frantically in the bedroom closet for the small duffel bag I kept there. I tossed in a few pairs of underwear, t-shirts, shorts, a pair of cargo pants and Evan’s black-and-blue plaid shirt. No fucking way I was leaving the house without it.
Bag packed, a sudden, sharp instinct warned me to put it all back. To keep things just as they were.
No! It’s time. Evan’s waiting.
I pushed the fear aside and took the bag into the bathroom. I threw a bunch of stuff inside: toothbrush, deodorant, my birth control pills. The fear loosened its hold, replaced by determination. I was doing this.
I headed down the stairs with the intent on just running out the front door and never looking back. I stopped short three from the bottom and gave a little cry.
“Where you goin’?”
My skin broke out in gooseflesh and my heart thudded in cadence to that old fearful beat to see Lee standing in the entry, his eyes red-rimmed and flinty as they darted from the bag in my hand to me and back.
“I’m leaving,” I said. I hated how choked with fear my voice sounded. I cleared my throat and said louder, “I’m leaving you, Lee.”
I expected rage. My hands clenched the handles of the bag ready to swing. Ready to fight and claw my past him if I had to. Evan was waiting for me. Escape. The time to let the fear run me was over.
Lee just chuckled, his feet danced from side to side, and his fingers twitched.
Then balled into fists.
“Don’t test me woman. I’m hungry. Get your ass in there and make me dinner.”
I drew myself up. “No. I’m leaving. I mean it. It’s over.”
“Oh shut up,” he drawled, annoyed. “Knock that stupid shit off. You’re not going anywhere. Nothing is over. I’m hungry. Now get in that kitchen and make me some fucking dinner.”